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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man in ladies toilets

662 replies

ItsAHardKn0ckLife · 26/07/2017 10:23

Okay I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, husband works away, have an unwell toddler and I'm a little sleep deprived. So not sure if emotions are getting the better of me.

Popped into our local M&S, DS (2yo) in tow. Needed to use the toilet before shopping. Walk into the ladies (small bathroom, only 2 cubicles) to an older man and woman (late 60's at a guess) changing a babies nappy. I stopped in my tracks, confused, checked I'd definitely walked into the right toilets.
I said "you are aware this is the ladies?"
"Yes" the woman replied, "have you got a problem?"
"Erm, well yes actually I have"
Cue lots of tutting and huffing and puffing whilst I waited patiently for him to leave.
On their way out of the door I was told I was being "absolutely ridiculous" and "totally unreasonable".
In hindsight I probably should have ignored, but I was feeling pretty pissed off so I went to inform a member of staff.
The couple were standing near me and they were shouting that I'm a hypocrite as I took my DS in there with me. Again repeating that I was unreasonable etc and what did I expect them to do? They then walked off.

I ended up crying Blush

The staff were lovely and offered me a very nice cup of tea. I apologised for being an emotional wreck and causing drama.

So was I wrong for being unhappy about this? Would you have said something or just turned a blind eye to him being in there?

OP posts:
DoesHeWantToOrNot · 26/07/2017 16:48

Sometimes it takes 2 of us to change dc nappy if it's a particularly dirty one and she's squirming about.

GinaFordCortina · 26/07/2017 16:49

Probably Lauraa. Could you possibly use your imagination and think about why it's an entirely different scenario? No?

PrettyBelle · 26/07/2017 16:49

What's needed is unisex everywhere and then there wouldn't be this problem and I wouldn't have to consider where I can go to the loo/ change my older child, every time I go out.

No thank you. Ladies' for me please.

user1492877024 · 26/07/2017 16:50

Get use to it. With this new Transgender bill Sh!te they're trying to push through, you will get this on a daily basis.

classPath · 26/07/2017 16:52

You cried because a man was helping his wife change his grandchild's (presumably) nappy.

I think you need a grip OP. This isn't male entitlement or erosion of women's spaces.

If they can't look after the baby and change a nappy on their own then maybe they should not be in charge of it.

Why? From the sound of it, the two of them were managing fine together. I'm not sure I'd have coped being a single parent but luckily, my DH was there.

YoureNotASausage · 26/07/2017 16:53

She's cried because they clearly acted like dicks in response to her pointing out it was the ladies.

Sparklingbrook · 26/07/2017 16:54

A man aged 60 changing a nappy with his wife in the ladies - absolutely disgusting

What is the upper age limit, if 60 is disgusting?

Spikeyball · 26/07/2017 16:56

Ladies' if there is room for that as well, PrettyBelle.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/07/2017 17:08

All he had to do was find a staff member and explain his wife needed help and he or she could have just kept watch for a minute and warn anyone who tried to use the facilities

That would have shown some awareness that he shouldn't have been there and prevented any upset.

He chose to just go in and screw anyone who had a problem.

Very definition if an entitled arsehole

DeleteOrDecay · 26/07/2017 17:09

What's needed is unisex everywhere

No thanks.

How ever, unisex baby changing facilities/family room type areas - yes please.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/07/2017 17:11

Plus if he's asked staff they may well have been able to point them in the direction of some where more suitable.

BanyanTree · 26/07/2017 17:16

Another old fashioned fussy person here. I don't want to open a toilet door and find a man standing there.

Today my DS11 was embarrassed as a dad took his daughter into the loos. She was about 7 and my DS was embarrassed at the urinals as she was standing there so he moved to the cubicle.

It works both ways.

busyboysmum · 26/07/2017 17:21

www.change.org/p/theresa-may-mp-a-review-of-how-laws-based-on-gender-identity-conflict-with-laws-based-on-biological-sex/naftaExp1/FB_share_copy_1?recruiter=213830626&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=share_petition&utm_content=nafta_share_post_copy_en_5%3AFB_share_copy_1

Banyan have a look at this then.

The published government guidelines for service providers is especially worrying for parents with daughters, as it suggests that any man may now use a women's public toilet or changing-room without being questioned by security personnel. The crimes of voyeurism and indecent exposure cease to exist if a man identifies as a woman, it is the woman/girl who risks being criminalised for a hate crime if she recognises and names the person as male. She is coerced into accepting that a penis may be female. There is no evidence in this document that the privacy, dignity and safety of women and girls have even been considered.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 17:22

let's all be outraged at this grandad 'verbally assaulting/attacking' this poor defenceless lady completely unprovoked

Yes the thread is full of outraged people saying the above

Jam packed full

Cant move for the outrage

Grin
WhiskyIrnBru · 26/07/2017 17:22

I actually can't believe some of the comments on here. He wasn't flashing. He wasn't trying to abduct children. He wasn't wanking furiously. He was with his wife changing a baby! I'd imagine he was mortified at being called out by the OP and then having the staff speak to him. Honestly? Have we reached the point where we are all so triggered by the presence of a man? There are cubicles! Dear lord.

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 17:23

You cried because a man was helping his wife change his grandchild's (presumably) nappy

No she didnt...

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 17:24

I agree with everything giles says

Possibly ever

What are your views on the Guardians of the Galaxy film giles

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/07/2017 17:25

Not seen them Blush

Andrewofgg · 26/07/2017 17:25

The ideal in new build, renovations, updates, is two baby care rooms, one connected to a women's and one to a men's loo; couples changing a baby to use the one adjoining the men's so that a bf woman can be assured of no men around however respectful - but that's crying for the marriage on in most existing public buildings.

WhiskyIrnBru · 26/07/2017 17:25

Threads like these make me realise there is a small minority of people who must live in constant fear that random strangers are desperate to see their genitals. Biscuit

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 17:27

Any news on those posts spikey

I am honestly shocked that someone would say that

HoneyDragon · 26/07/2017 17:28

I want a baby groot. I am willing to have sex with a tree to get one.

Arealhumanbeing · 26/07/2017 17:28

classPath

You cried because a man was helping his wife change his grandchild's (presumably) nappy.

0/10

She cried because they got aggressive and carried on shouting at her outside the toilet.

I'd like to retract my accusation of gaslighting. You're all shit at it.

DesperatelySeekingSushi · 26/07/2017 17:29

How do you know there was a changing table in the mens OP? You didn't take a peek did you?
As someone who has dealt with more poomageddon/Apoocalypse now nappies in my lifetime than most, I think I could have forgiven the Grandpa for holding me up five minutes. If you were about to do a Kelly Osbourne and piss on your shoe I might have more empathy.

Joinourclub · 26/07/2017 17:30

I think you massively overreacted.