Man in ladies toilets

[ItsAHardKn0ckLife]

Okay I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, husband works away, have an unwell toddler and I'm a little sleep deprived. So not sure if emotions are getting the better of me.

Popped into our local M&S, DS (2yo) in tow. Needed to use the toilet before shopping. Walk into the ladies (small bathroom, only 2 cubicles) to an older man and woman (late 60's at a guess) changing a babies nappy. I stopped in my tracks, confused, checked I'd definitely walked into the right toilets.
I said "you are aware this is the ladies?"
"Yes" the woman replied, "have you got a problem?"
"Erm, well yes actually I have"
Cue lots of tutting and huffing and puffing whilst I waited patiently for him to leave.
On their way out of the door I was told I was being "absolutely ridiculous" and "totally unreasonable".
In hindsight I probably should have ignored, but I was feeling pretty pissed off so I went to inform a member of staff.
The couple were standing near me and they were shouting that I'm a hypocrite as I took my DS in there with me. Again repeating that I was unreasonable etc and what did I expect them to do? They then walked off.

I ended up crying

The staff were lovely and offered me a very nice cup of tea. I apologised for being an emotional wreck and causing drama.

So was I wrong for being unhappy about this? Would you have said something or just turned a blind eye to him being in there?

Ive honestly missed those posts spiky

Could you point me in the right direction

I assume you mean actual posts saying that they shouldnt go out as oppossed to a possible misinterpretation

Ive had to check a number of posts on here and ive completely had the wrong end of the stick

'Well if it's ok to bend the rules then it's ok to use the men's then no?'

Well as has been said they stink and don't have cubicles so wouldn't be my first choice, no.

There were other options though.

Using the men's (equally as bad but they didn't seem to care did they)

Going somewhere else where facilities were separate.

Using a quiet corner somewhere (away from anyone eating or shop doorways)

Using the car

Using the buggy

Again i agree sparkling

Its usually people who aren't expecting to be unreasonable that post

Not the women's fault they stink you can't just opt to use the women's to avoid smelling the men's

I didn't say they shouldn't go places, just that they need to be like every other parent/grand parent on the planet and be more organised. Not inflict their disorganisation onto everyone else and then be rude when confronted about being somewhere they shouldn't have been.

giles

To argue the point i would only expect to use different facilities

The other options i dont think are suitable for the elderly

@Gileswithachainsaw - I think we established that using the men's would necessitate the lady walking past men with their penises hanging out at urinals whereas using the ladies would be preferable due to anything where privacy is needed being done behind the safety of a locked door.

I can understand why two older people might need each other for a wiggly baby.

However why didn't they use the men's if there are no issues with her being around strange men?

Then he could have gone on alone and she could just not have looked and had her back to them.

I've walked past men in urinals.. managed to not see their penises "hanging out".

'Not the women's fault they stink you can't just opt to use the women's to avoid smelling the men's'
Correct I'm just pointing out that and the fact men wee communally would be reasons I'd avoid them if I was elderly and needed a hand to change a baby's nappy.

Its perfectly possible not to look

A man aged 60 changing a nappy with his wife in the ladies - absolutely disgusting. Furthermore, to be humiliated by these people is disgraceful.

OP - you had a two year old - what are you supposed to do - leave DC outside whilst you pee?

Some people are beyond comprehension. Personally, I would have had security escort him out!

You did absolutely right and you are not being unreasonable whatsoever in your actions.

Im not sure how packed the m&s gents are during the week

The lady may have been lucky and it was penis free (except for baby...not assuming the sex here)

Total over reaction. If he was in there, alone. Without a baby and wife then fair enough. Maybe his wife had arthritis and needed help with changing the baby. YABU
^^ This

I don't agree with men using ladies facilities (toilets, changing rooms etc) but in this particular situation, he was obviously with his wife helping her change the baby (for whatever reason) and I think you overreacted.

So men make you uncomfortable then? Bit it's ok to inflict that on someone else.

A baby wouldn't even notice so what's the problem.

Dp has had to take Dds into men's loos before. Neither have been traumatised or complained about penises eveeywhere.

giles

Are you named after Rupert?

As an aside, if I was changing a baby I'd choose the ladies over gents toilets any day as I think gents toilets smell worse (presume because of the open urinals) and I'd be gagging!

I don't agree with men using ladies facilities (toilets, changing rooms etc) but in this particular situation, he was obviously with his wife helping her change the baby (for whatever reason) and I think you overreacted.'

Yes it does seem rather obvious doesn't it. Still let's all be outraged at this grandad 'verbally assaulting/attacking' this poor defenceless lady completely unprovoked.

Why are none of the men complaining to staff about the smelly toilets btw?

And just using the ladies

I do wonder if it was a man posting this about a lady and her husband changing a baby in the men's toilet and how traumatised he was if the reaction would of been the same or would it have been "the baby needed changing,they didn't have time to look for other area and "get a grip"

What's needed is unisex everywhere and then there wouldn't be this problem and I wouldn't have to consider where I can go to the loo/ change my older child, every time I go out.