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AIBU?

Man in ladies toilets

662 replies

ItsAHardKn0ckLife · 26/07/2017 10:23

Okay I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, husband works away, have an unwell toddler and I'm a little sleep deprived. So not sure if emotions are getting the better of me.

Popped into our local M&S, DS (2yo) in tow. Needed to use the toilet before shopping. Walk into the ladies (small bathroom, only 2 cubicles) to an older man and woman (late 60's at a guess) changing a babies nappy. I stopped in my tracks, confused, checked I'd definitely walked into the right toilets.
I said "you are aware this is the ladies?"
"Yes" the woman replied, "have you got a problem?"
"Erm, well yes actually I have"
Cue lots of tutting and huffing and puffing whilst I waited patiently for him to leave.
On their way out of the door I was told I was being "absolutely ridiculous" and "totally unreasonable".
In hindsight I probably should have ignored, but I was feeling pretty pissed off so I went to inform a member of staff.
The couple were standing near me and they were shouting that I'm a hypocrite as I took my DS in there with me. Again repeating that I was unreasonable etc and what did I expect them to do? They then walked off.

I ended up crying Blush

The staff were lovely and offered me a very nice cup of tea. I apologised for being an emotional wreck and causing drama.

So was I wrong for being unhappy about this? Would you have said something or just turned a blind eye to him being in there?

OP posts:
HoneyDragon · 26/07/2017 10:26

Was he using a specific changing area that happened only to be in the ladies? Confused

I could see that been tricky if your a dad out with a baby.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 26/07/2017 10:27

If that was the only changing table then YABU.

StupidSlimyGit · 26/07/2017 10:27

YANBU, there's a massive difference between a two year old boy and a 60 year old man ffs! Sorry you were upset and I'm glad the staff were nice about it Flowers

ItsAHardKn0ckLife · 26/07/2017 10:27

No, there was a baby changing area in the men's toilets also.

OP posts:
Dancingfairy · 26/07/2017 10:28

A lot of people say toilets should be unisex

letmepeeinpeace · 26/07/2017 10:28

It doesn't take two to change a fucking nappy!! YANBU op.

cardibach · 26/07/2017 10:29

Well yes, Honey, that would be difficult. It's why baby change areas shouldn't be in the ladies. That isn't what happened here, though - OP says there was a man and woman.
YANBU.

nina2b · 26/07/2017 10:29

A lot of people are glad they aren't.

nina2b · 26/07/2017 10:30

@Dancingfairy

GeillisTheWitch · 26/07/2017 10:30

If that was the only changing table then YABU

In general I see your point but in this case there was also a woman with the baby and it doesn't need two people to change a nappy. Worth raising with M&S head office if there isn't an equivalent changing area in the men's though.

Smeaton · 26/07/2017 10:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

littlepeas · 26/07/2017 10:30

He had no need to be there even if it was the only changing area - his wife could easily have changed the nappy alone, it isn't a 2 person job! YANBU to expect a man to stay out of the ladies loo.

nina2b · 26/07/2017 10:31

YANBU. They had a nerve to be snippy and rude about it. Glad you stood your ground, OP, and pleased the staff were kind.

Morphene · 26/07/2017 10:31

Good grief really? There was a man changing a babies nappy with a woman. I think its pretty clear he was busy minding his own business and not in any sense threatening you if you'd just gone about yours.

I'm guessing they wanted to change the baby together, for which there may be any number of reasons, given they were older. So somebody was going to be in the opposite toilets which ever way they did it.

What a shame you had to see a person changing a baby as a threat.

cardibach · 26/07/2017 10:31

A lot of people say toilets should be unisex
A lot of people talk bollocks. Do you think this, Dancingfairy? In what way would it have helped with the feelings of discomfort experienced by the OP?

MissBax · 26/07/2017 10:31

It sounds odd but may have possibly been grandparents looking after grandchild, perhaps the GM needed a hand with the nappy? What would the alternative have been in that case? I don't think YABU though, and there was certainly no need for them to get arsey, how hard would it have been for them to just explain the situation and apologise?!

Dancingfairy · 26/07/2017 10:31

Oh I don't think they should be, but I was in the minority on a different forum about this. I was surprised to see how many people wanted them to be unisex.

HappyLabrador · 26/07/2017 10:31

If that was the only changing table then YABU.

Changing a nappy isn't a two person job. The woman could have gone in to do it alone.

However, I do think it's crappy when the only changing table is in the women's loo.

SheSaidHeSaid · 26/07/2017 10:32

Why did the feel the need for both of them to change the nappy?

If the man had been in his own and no changing facility in the men's toilets then that'd be understandable but in this situation YWNBU.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 26/07/2017 10:32

Actually, sometimes it can take two to change a nappy. It could have been a while since they did it, baby could be wriggly, upset etc.

I don't think they should have made a big deal out of it but I think the OP over reacted. I can't see the big deal tbh.

EdmundCleverClogs · 26/07/2017 10:33

It doesn't take two to change a fucking nappy!!

Hmm, one may have had mobility issues like arthritis and needed a bit of help. It can be like changing an octopus at times and not easy for younger people in a small public space.

I think you may have overreacted op, sorry.

cardibach · 26/07/2017 10:33

Morphene a MAN changing a baby. Be specific. And what he was doing is irrelevant- what's important is where he was doing it. The man doesn't need to be/appear threatening for it to be unreasonable for him to be in a women only space.

dementedpixie · 26/07/2017 10:33

But he wouldn't have seen anything as there are cubicles. You could see why he was there. I think you overreacted

Jijhebtseksmetezels · 26/07/2017 10:34

I think it's one of those areas that is unclear to be honest. Neither of you were BU but they shouldn't have shouted at you.

LooksLikeImStuckHere · 26/07/2017 10:34

What exactly did you expect the man to do whilst he was in there assisting what was probably his wife and his grandchild? Confused

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