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AIBU?

Man in ladies toilets

662 replies

ItsAHardKn0ckLife · 26/07/2017 10:23

Okay I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable here, husband works away, have an unwell toddler and I'm a little sleep deprived. So not sure if emotions are getting the better of me.

Popped into our local M&S, DS (2yo) in tow. Needed to use the toilet before shopping. Walk into the ladies (small bathroom, only 2 cubicles) to an older man and woman (late 60's at a guess) changing a babies nappy. I stopped in my tracks, confused, checked I'd definitely walked into the right toilets.
I said "you are aware this is the ladies?"
"Yes" the woman replied, "have you got a problem?"
"Erm, well yes actually I have"
Cue lots of tutting and huffing and puffing whilst I waited patiently for him to leave.
On their way out of the door I was told I was being "absolutely ridiculous" and "totally unreasonable".
In hindsight I probably should have ignored, but I was feeling pretty pissed off so I went to inform a member of staff.
The couple were standing near me and they were shouting that I'm a hypocrite as I took my DS in there with me. Again repeating that I was unreasonable etc and what did I expect them to do? They then walked off.

I ended up crying Blush

The staff were lovely and offered me a very nice cup of tea. I apologised for being an emotional wreck and causing drama.

So was I wrong for being unhappy about this? Would you have said something or just turned a blind eye to him being in there?

OP posts:
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DonkeyExplosion · 26/07/2017 11:44

So, the men's toilets are more unsafe and more uncomfortable because you'd have to walk past a row of openly urinating men (which I agree with) so largely women won't go in there, but it's also fine for random men to be in the women's if they decide they have a legitimate reason to be in there? Where then where do women who don't want to drop their knickers and perform an intimate bodily function with only a flimsy not full length door for protection and modesty, go to do so away from men?

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nina2b · 26/07/2017 11:44

Gileswithachainsaw

+or perhaps it was the first time they'd changed a baby's nappy in 40yrs and felt happier doing it together*

It's a nappy it's not the krypton factor hmm

Plenty of people have never changed a nappy in their lives befire they have a baby and still manage not to turn it into a family event

applaudsGrin

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Alittlepotofrosie · 26/07/2017 11:45

I only mentioned hazey because she mentioned an 11 year old girl in a way that suggested an 11 year old was present at the time. She didn't make it particularly clear that she was speaking hypothetically and it was confusing which is why i said something.

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ZoyaTheDestroyer · 26/07/2017 11:45

I'm genuinely surprised at the support for OP here. Surely a grandfather helping his wife with a nappy is not the same as a lone man loitering in the female loos? If the couple had been my parents then my father would have been there to help my mother because she is visually impaired. You have absolutely no idea why two of them were doing the job.

YABU. Your objection is with M&S, not with this couple. Write to the manager and ask why their store is not properly equipped with a unisex baby changing facility.

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Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 11:45

If the couple had minded their fucking manners and been even slightly apologetic i think the OP would have left it

Sounds to me (from what the OP has said) that they were being defensive

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nina2b · 26/07/2017 11:46

Gileswithachainsaw

+or perhaps it was the first time they'd changed a baby's nappy in 40yrs and felt happier doing it together

It's a nappy it's not the krypton factor hmm

Plenty of people have never changed a nappy in their lives befire they have a baby and still manage not to turn it into a family event

applaudsgrin

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HoneyDragon · 26/07/2017 11:46

I'm starting to worry a bit for the baby. Poor sausage is being cared for by two disabled, epileptic, older people with anxiety and zero nappy changing experience, prepared to thrust him in places where mop wielding male attendants could pop up at any minute whilst they sob gently over him all day after being viciously queried at by a woman with a toddler in the toilets.

Won't somebody think of the children? Sad

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Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 11:46

Oh and standing outside yelling at the OP

Lovely...

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Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 11:47

Maybe social services shoukd be involved honey

I think maybe the parents are taking advantage Sad

I am actually...right now....thinking of the children

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Ameliablue · 26/07/2017 11:48

I don't agree in general that men should come in to ladies toilets. However, I also sometimes you need to consider individual situations and this one seems pretty harmless. The toilets were quiet and it's not unusual to have to wait a couple of minutes to use a toilet.

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Lauraagh · 26/07/2017 11:48

He wasn't a strange man with a flasher Mac on,he was a elderly man with his elderly wife and baby.
You don't know why it took two of them.
You wernt exactly going to go to the toilet with the door open were you.
This is one of those occasions where common sense could be helpful .....

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Gileswithachainsaw · 26/07/2017 11:49

Yeah I didn't want today that rufus but my first thought was if neither of them could even do something like change a nappy on their own then why did they have the baby.

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randomsabreuse · 26/07/2017 11:49

I'm a perfectly healthy mum in my 30s and sometimes need help changing 2yo DD's nappies - back in the newborn days the good old up the back and everywhere situation and now if she's in a mega strop. She fights and spins like a crocodile. I can't imagine someone with arthritis fingers managing to pin her - and she's small for her age.

For an older couple it might take both to lift the child safely and get them strapped in.

The issue is the facilities being in the "single sex" spaces!

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Lauraagh · 26/07/2017 11:50

Don't blame them for having a attitude with the OP either.

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HoneyDragon · 26/07/2017 11:50

I'm gutted my pearls are at the pawn shop, Rufus.

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Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 26/07/2017 11:50

OP . This is the ladies leave please

Nappychangers . Really sorry, we will only be a minute, baby is a wriggler, we coukdnt find the gents changing table and my wife was worried etc

OP . Errm ok I suppose

11 year old. How the fuck did i get in here...this isnt new look

See...see how it should have gone

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Toadinthehole · 26/07/2017 11:51

As I said above, I regularly used to take my DDs into the ladies toilet. They are, after all, female.

If sometime had started banging on at me about "female only spaces" while I was there with my girls, I'd have probably told them to deal with it.

Like I said though, it never happened to me, doubtlessly because it wasn't enough of an issue for anyone who saw me to mention it.

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dinahmorris · 26/07/2017 11:51

YANBU. Women's toilets are for women. It really isn't complicated.

We have all sorts of designated spaces / services for particular groups and I don't understand why people find it hard to grasp. Just like:

  • blue badge spaces are for people with blue badges
  • p&c car parking is for parents with children
  • wheelchair spaces on busses are for wheelchair users

The clue is in the name.
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HoneyDragon · 26/07/2017 11:52

11 year old. How the fuck did i get in here...this isnt new look GrinGrinGrinGrin

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JacquesHammer · 26/07/2017 11:53

therefore " safe" place to let your children and yourself pee in privacy

I don't know how you use public loos but I shut the cubicle door, ergo giving aforementioned privacy for peeing

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Badweekjustgotworse · 26/07/2017 11:53

Agree with everything honey dragon said.

For all the posters telling the OP she should be sensitive to the imagined circumstances of the man and woman having mobility issues or possible epilepsy etc, surely the man and woman in question should have considered the imagined circumstance she of a woman who had experienced domestic violence / sexual assault etc walking into a safe space to find it inhabited by an adult male. Not to have is on the part of the man classic male entitlement and therefore inherently aggressive.

They should also them not have responded in a hostile way when a woman objected to her safe space becoming unsafe. By that I'm not implying the man made it unsafe by anything other than simply responding in such a way as to undermine her right to assert herself that she has a right find a designated female space actually female only. There are expectations here, going into a unisex toilet one has expectations of seeing males and also of there being individual cubicles with floor to ceiling doors and individual sinks and a woman can therefore choose to go in on the basis of knowing there may we'll be males in there.

Op sorry you were stressed to tears by this

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MuvaWifey77 · 26/07/2017 11:53

(People here saying it doesn't take two people to change a nappy )

I'm sorry but, you just don't know... you don't know what disabilities they could have, no only that but OP didn't seem to have asked them " eaxchse me are you aware there's a changing facility on men's toilet" the woman could have needed help to use the loo too, more to point why does it upset anyone who's in the bloody loo? Seriously... he wasn't even using it. You ended up crying OP? What an overreaction. Get some sleep OP :)

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MuvaWifey77 · 26/07/2017 11:54

Excuse *

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RhubardGin · 26/07/2017 11:55

If he was by himself then I would have reacted the same way as you.

As he was with his wife changing a baby, obviously not in there being a pervert, I think YABU.

The crying and the staff getting you a cup of tea makes you sound like a complete drama queen.

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