To think that I don't have to style my hair every day for dp!

[toughasnailz]

I've come back after work where I wore a cap as had been swimming with my mindees!

Dp as usual when my hair isn't styled non stop complained about it to me since the minute I walked in the door. Now, I do style my hair, but with the young kids, there just wasn't time after swimming and there were more important things to do.

This happens any day of the week and tonight I've just had enough of it and told him that I couldn't be bothered to listen to him any more! I've said that it's ridiculous that I get all his grief on how my hair is and that I can't just not to it any day of the week, even Sundays! Because of him!

I'm usually a very quiet person, but ffs, I'm tired, and I'm trying to cook our meal and leave me alone!!

My aibu is that this is very out of character for me, was I being unreasonable to be so rude to him?

If he doesn't have to do his hair/makeup, why should you? That's my view on relationships in general tbh.

LTB. This relationship will not go well.

My DH earns more than 3 x my salary, but he'd never think it gave him the right to dictate anything to me.

He compliments my hair if I make an effort. Occasionally I'll stick it under his nose and ask if it smells and do I need to wash it. That's the only time he makes a negative comment. It's tied up at home usually because the children bring nits home.

It's tricky hair and the nights I want to wash it he usually offers to put both DC to bed (rather than one - we take it in turns), to give me more time.

But this isn't about hair, not really. My high earning DH does at least 50% of the childcare and household jobs. Your DH doesn't appear to respect you, and his behaviour sounds controlling.

Mine is usually scrunched up into a bun and I haven't worn make up since Friday. If my DH complained, I'd tell him where to go.

He has no right to fiddle with your hair, it's a big control issue. What else does he try to control in your life?

Does he spend half his day styling himself for you? i would not tolerate that nonsense I'm afraid.

XH used to hate me having my hair cut. In his world Women Have Long Hair. I cba with dealing with a load of hair - just want to wash it in the shower, tousle it dry and run my fingers through it to straighten it, and it looks fine. Pretty much the first thing I did when starting divorce proceedings was to get my hair cut shorter than ever before, mainly for convenience but with a dash of deliberate defiance. XH made some disparaging remark and I replied that a number of friends/colleagues said it made me look younger. A couple of days later he said he had got used to it now and had to agree that it did, in fact, suit me. To which I replied that I really couldn't care less what he thought about it. Childish maybe, but so satisfying. One of so, so many reasons why he is ex.

My hair is mine.

God - he sounds absolutely awful op. This really isn't normal behaviour.

I'd have broken his bloody wrist if he started 'fixing' my hair!
My dp comes to see me after work when my kids have been at it all day, I'm in my pjs (change into them as soon as I get in) with absolutely ruined hair and no makeup for the most part. Sometimes I haven't brushed my hair all day because I've forgotten. You know what he says?
You look beautiful, let me make you a cup of tea. That's it. And that's how it should be...

I second totally what Pollaidh said above, I could have written that post. I am a big believer in the theory that people only treat you the way you allow them to OP. What he is doing is weird, controlling and NOT normal. Time to put your big girl pants on and deal with him in short order.

He plays up and seems to be wanting his attention, dp does talk to him but there's never any play unless it's a few sparring matches (ds does Tae Kwon Do) and that's twindled to maybe 1 a week

Poor kid. I would never allow my kids to be raised in this situation.

YWNBU. You weren't rude - HE was.
A useful phrase for you in future "Arrange these words into a well known phrase or saying - Off Die Fuck And"

I doubt DP would notice my hair if it were on fire, to be honest. Then again, I've had the same hair for 20 years so it's too late to tell me now if he doesn't like it! I couldn't deal with someone so into appearances.

OP I feel angry in your behalf. I bet you do a superb job looking after children and running the house and don't get much back in the way of appreciation from your OH. Next time he mentions your hair to you turn it back on him "when was the last time you had a shave/shower/brushed your teeth/delete as appropriate". Obviously I wouldn't say take this tack in front of your son or anything but if it's just you two, give him the same treatment

When my ex and I started living together, he told me that his mum always used to get changed and put make up on for when his dad got home, and that I should do the same.

I told him exactly what he could do with that suggestion!

I'm now married to a lovely man. When I last went through chemo, I didn't bother shaving my hair, as the previous time, I'd hated all the little bits falling out, as they made my neck itch. As it happened, this time I didn't lose all of my hair, just a lot of it. I kept wondering whether to bite the bullet and shave the rest off, but my DH said it looked fine, and pointed out I could wear my wig or a hat when we went out.
It was nice to not be completely bald, and if I wore a hat, I had enough of a fringe to avoid the "cancer patient" look.

Your partner sounds horrible. Take back control.

I "style" my hair for myself, not my husband or anyone else. He can learn to deal with it!

It's indoctrinated sexism at its finest. No woman would ever ask a bloke to make sure he looked 'fit' for her when he's just finished work. Women in this day and age are still treated like they should be nothing but subservient pieces of eye candy. Fuck that!

This post made me think of this song, and the era these attitudes belong in...

What Is it you find so irresistible about your misogynist boyfriend? He deems women to be decorative objects that exist to look pleasing to men, and to cook for them. Your kid is absorbing this. Just dump him and enjoy life, you only get one life, this creepy weirdo isn't even being subtle-just blantantly eroding your self esteem.

(((((((((((hugs))))))))))) OP

All of your posts are making me realise more and more what his game is, I'm getting so angry thinking that he's not appreciative of me and I want the way your men treat you to be the way he treats me. Probably won't happen though,

It definitely won't happen. Definitely won't.

Do you know what you're going to do? People are trying to help but don't get too bogged down with the posts about how great other DPs are.

His behavior is no reflection on you and none of us truly know how we would respond to abuse. He sounds horrible though and I think the hair thing will escalate.

Have you got family or friends close by?

Well I think YABU! At the very least you should tie a bow in your hair and powder your nose, for when your DH comes home from a hard day at work providing for his family!

I'm on school holidays now and I am on day 5 of not 'styling' my hair! DH couldn't give a stuff! I don't think he's even noticed. He may make comment when I do eventually have a good reason to make an effort.

You work 12 hour days.

You do 90% of the childcare.

You keep the house.

You cook the meals.

You ought to style your hair the way he likes? Fuck that noise.

What the actual fuck? Why are you with him?
He doesn't co parent, he sounds like a lazy shit, he's critical and controlling. Get rid. ASAP.

YABU, the correct response is 'fuck off DP'. It's you hair and your make up, it's not up to him. I haven't worn make up in 5 years, I rarely do much with my hair, if DH is that fussed about hair and make up he can do it on himself.