To expect ex husband to tell me where and when he's taking kids abroad?

[Runlovingmummy81]

Exactly as the title says really.... I am taking them abroad in a couple of weeks. Provided dates / times / flights / resort / accommodation details.

He has demanded copies of their passports by today and wants me to hand them over in a few weeks. If I don't he will seek financial reembursement for his losses. I have politely requested the above information to which I have had no reply.

There is a huge back history of emotional abuse so I know it's a ploy to piss me off.....

Thank you. I've just spoken with my solicitor who dealt with my case in court. She said similar. Who can he actually seek compensation from..... He'd look a fool going to court over it.

I generally think what the parents does in there access time is up to them but I think knowing the dates & the country is the minimum information, that should be provided. It's not unreasonable to want to know where on the Earth your dc are

I agree. I don't micro manage what he does in his time. I know the kids are out with other family members of his and have sleepovers etc. Which is fine, they would of done that had we still been together. But I do think being away from the norm I should be kept informed.

OP, you are completely right. Do not allow him to take them without that information.

Also, he'd need a Letter of consent from you, wouldn't he?

He can't take them abroad without your permission can he? I thought a letter giving permission and the non travelling parents passport number was required? You can't write such a letter without those details.

I've emailed him the copies and said I won't be releasing them until I have the information. See what happens....

We have a child arrangement order so we can take them up abroad for up to 28days without my consent?

Does that mean I need one from him?

I was under the impression it's only if you have different surnames?

To be honest I would expect to be told where my children were going as a courtesy.

Ex-h and I always inform each other if we'll be taking DD away during our contact time.

I was under the impression it's only if you have different surnames?

Different surnames only affects how likely you are to be checked, not the fact that you do, technically, need the other parent's permission.

I've travelled to Australia, Spain and France with my kids who have a different surname to me and have never had any problems or questions, other than when I arrived in Aus passports control barking at me "are they your children" to which I replied yes, then I was dismissed.

OP it's entirely reasonable if you to want to know. How old are the kids? Are they old enough to have phones and to stay in touch with you whilst they're away? If they were I would just get the kids to tell me.

www.gov.uk/permission-take-child-abroad

Looks like you can take dc abroad, but he can't without your permission, or permission from a court. And he'd have to tell the court the details you seek...

They are 4 and 6.

If he is bring them to South Africa he will need your permission letter from you, couples of birth certificates, and their passports, not copies.

The child arrangement order we have states what days and times they live with me and when they reside with him so not sure he does?

Cool.... I've no idea where he intends to take them

Are your arrangements 50/50, and is that what the arrangements order says? If it says they reside with you and have contact (defined) with their dad, you can go, he needs your permission. 50/50 could be different, but it should be laid out in your paperwork.

Not quite 50 / 50. I have slightly more. It's prescriptive over general week on week contact and half holidays.

I've checked the order states...

The children shall live with both parties in accordance with the following arrangements

My step children have gone abroad with their mother without a letter of authority from my DH several times (he has parental responsibility) and there's been no drama. She has a different surname from them too.

OP I think it's very reasonable to expect to know where your kids are if he is taking them away. We even tell the Ex if we are going away in the uk when we have smalls. If he doesn't provide it then I would be wanting to know what he's hiding!

Then unfortunately it looks like he can take them abroad, however I can't see a court being impressed that he's not prepared to disclose where and when to their mum. That's really shitty behaviour does a little dance because I just realised I don't need XH permission to take DS1 abroad

That's what I do too. Even an overnight I have.

He's emotionally abusive. So I guess this is normal for him....