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Original poster

To expect ex husband to tell me where and when he's taking kids abroad?

70 replies

Runlovingmummy81 · 25/07/2017 15:27

Exactly as the title says really.... I am taking them abroad in a couple of weeks. Provided dates / times / flights / resort / accommodation details.

He has demanded copies of their passports by today and wants me to hand them over in a few weeks. If I don't he will seek financial reembursement for his losses. I have politely requested the above information to which I have had no reply.

There is a huge back history of emotional abuse so I know it's a ploy to piss me off.....

OP posts:
agentdaisy · 25/07/2017 23:02

I'm generally of the opinion that where he takes the children during his time is up to him and doesn't need to tell you.

However, if he's taking them to another country, or to the other end of the country, then he should tell you where they're going/flight times/hotel just incase there's a reason you need to contact them.

He's being an arse op and I wouldn't give him the passports until he gives you the flight and hotel info. He'd look ridiculous taking you to court for not giving him the passports when he's unwilling to disclose where he's taking your children.

LouHotel · 25/07/2017 23:07

Could it be he doesnt have a holiday booked but wants the passports to conviently lose them making it hard for you to go on holiday? Only because you mention about the emotional abuse.

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 26/07/2017 06:38

Lou.... It has crossed our mind he just wants the passports but isn't going away. Luckily we go on holiday before he needs them.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 26/07/2017 06:41

I wouldnt have emailed him copies tbh.
What is to stop him reporting the passports lost or stolen and obtaining replacements?

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 26/07/2017 07:03

Only the person who purchased them can do that and that's me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 26/07/2017 07:08

I've just checked and they won't except it if there's parental dispute over the passport. I've followed the online form through as much as I can and they ask to speak to the parent who signed the original application form which is me. So he can't pull that one.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 26/07/2017 07:10

Phew. That is a relief.
DH lost dd's passport and got a replacement. But he had applied for it originally. I didnt realise it had to be the person who applied for the original.

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 26/07/2017 07:21

Yeah it is. I suspect it's to try and stop situations like this!

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 26/07/2017 07:28

following!! Last time ex took the kids away he didn't ever let me have flight times etc. And he doesn't let me know thheu've arrived safely or anything. No communication at all until they reappear on my doorstep.
So I have told him this time that he doesn't get passport until he gives me flight details and address of where they are staying (I don't even have that yet). It's hardly a major inconvenience to type a couple of lines of email, he just gets a kick out of keeping me in the dark (I left him because he was abusive)

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 26/07/2017 07:30

Never..... Sounds familiar :(

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 26/07/2017 07:34

Don't listen to the stories of how many times people have flown without being checked for the other parent's consent. I had flown alone with kids maybe ten times and then one day was asked (and we have the same surname). Fortunately DH was actually at the airport, flying somewhere different, but they wouldn't let us through passport control until he came and confirmed his consent. I always carry a letter of permission now!

Everytimeref · 26/07/2017 07:39

A child arrangement order doesn't allow you to take the children without his permission. Neither of you can take the children without the consent of the other parent.
Passports belong to the government and you have no legal right to withhold the information and a court would back him.

Lostin3dspace · 26/07/2017 07:43

Yes my ExH H blatantly told me he didn't agree he needed my consent. I told him, particularly as we don't even have a child arrangements order, that if he took them away without my consent, it is the actual definition of child abduction. It was interesting to learn that it also applies if they are taken out of England or Wales too.
He backtracked, although still hasn't given more detail than date and country..

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 26/07/2017 07:47

Under the child arrangement order and ours stating we can they live with both of us and we can Them abroad for up to 28 days without permission.

OP posts:
wheresthel1ght · 26/07/2017 07:59

Based on your child arrangement order he doesn't have to provide you with the information. Equally legally he does t have to tell you. Morally however is a whole different kettle of fish.

He sounds like he is trying to bet a rise out of you, play him at his own games and ignore. Give him the passports and wish him a happy holiday. You jot fighting him will piss him off mire I would think

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 26/07/2017 08:12

I know you're right. But.....

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 26/07/2017 08:25

In my child arrangement order it is written in that he has to give this information before a holiday.

However, he thinks complying with the court order is optional Angry

ilovegin112 · 26/07/2017 08:30

Have you told him where you are going and staying? Just wondering if he's playing tit for tat

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 26/07/2017 08:34

I wish mine did. Although I suspect he would be the same.

He's had all of the details for our holiday in a couple of weeks. In fact he has most of the details a year ago when we booked it.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 26/07/2017 08:36

everytime

I have sat in court hundreds of times when they have ordered that location of holiday and timings are to be disclosed sometimes flight numbers and accomadation address gets added to that.

I have only been in a court ONCE in 25 years where it was deemed to be not required

Isadora2007 · 26/07/2017 08:38

Honestly? He has the legal right to do so, and you're playing into his hands by getting back into this "control dance" with him.

It is horrible of him to not tell you, but it's the reality of an ex like that. I would honestly just state that you would like to know where your children are- as you tell him where you are. But assuming his mobile works abroad that is how you'd contact him if necessary. No one calls the hotel anymore do they? So really, you don't need to know.

I'd let go of the tug of war rope and agree to give him the passports on your return.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 26/07/2017 08:39

Oh and as to this advice
A child arrangement order doesn't allow you to take the children without his permission. Neither of you can take the children without the consent of the other parent
Passports belong to the government and you have no legal right to withhold the information and a court would back him

I shall just leave this link

www.clarionsolicitors.com/blog/taking-a-child-abroad-what-you

Original poster
Runlovingmummy81 · 26/07/2017 08:42

That's a useful link thank you. I was planning on taking a copy of mine plus birth certificates.

OP posts:
NeverTwerkNaked · 26/07/2017 08:50

Needsasock that's helpful to know

I disagree with the idea that we just capitulate totally to their behaviour.
I let as much slide as possible (eg he could stock a small shop with all the things I have bought for the kids and he hasn't returned - shoes, bikes, coats, suitcases, favourite teddies...) but I think we should all draw a line in the sand and make a stand against the worst behaviour

Zampa · 26/07/2017 08:51

wheresthel1ght is spot on.

We've told DH's ex all the details of where we're taking the DSC abroad; timings, hotels etc. He doesn't get this courtesy extended but lets it go as at the end of the day, the children are with a parent who will look out for them.

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