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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH on holiday

384 replies

Holidayhell1 · 25/07/2017 11:05

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

OP posts:
MeanAger · 25/07/2017 13:27

You think that just because a couple of women are acting daft and flirting that they are going to bend the OPs husband over a sun lounger and bonk him senseless?

Grin what? but thanks for answering my question anyway. Clueless it is.

RhubardGin · 25/07/2017 13:28

Do you believe he would cheat on you OP?

I'm not saying what he did was right, he was a knob, but even if the woman were flirting by the pool etc do you not trust your DH enough not to act in this?

Do you have reason to be suspicious?

MistressDeeCee · 25/07/2017 13:30

if I was a single woman looking for a fun holiday shag, it wouldn't be with a bloke with a wife and kids in tow for fuck's sake!

Thats nothing at all to do with what another woman would do though, is it? What next.. singles don't look at marrieds? Women don't take the piss out of other women by blatantly flirting with their man? All men would be perfectly fine with a bloke blatantly flirting with their wife and their wife then fucking off to the bar with them, leaving kids with daddy?

If you think there's no way a woman will flirt with a man who has a wife, even when his wife is present, tsame goes for men actually -then you are naive - or being purposefully disengeneous

I can understand not falling for all that, but not pretending that it doesn't happen and any woman noticing flirting is being silly...

Originalfoogirl · 25/07/2017 13:33

Go home? Slight overreaction

After an earthquake? If my children were too terrified to sleep and panicked if their dad was out of their sight?

Damned right I'd go home. Holidays are supposed to be fun filled and relaxing, not terrifying. What's the point in staying for that?

Mrskeats · 25/07/2017 13:34

dh=disrespectful to you
op=disrespectful to the other women when it's her husband who is at fault

MsHarry · 25/07/2017 13:34

Oh I thought op wanted to go home over his behaviour. I presumed the earthquake danger had passed.

Itsnotwhatitseems · 25/07/2017 13:38

How did your DH behave when you were younger and first together, did he get a lot of attention from other women, and how did you/he deal with it. I'm just wondering how he has suddenly changed his behavior. I would be upset if my DH was drinking in a bar whilst I was alone comforting the children too. x

OnionKnight · 25/07/2017 13:39

The earthquake danger has passed.

Original poster
Holidayhell1 · 25/07/2017 13:39

It's not about cheat or not chest.

I personally think it's pretty shitty behaviour to come onto someone's husband, knowing they're married. I think it's even worse if you're mature enough to know the damage that potentially can be caused (thus my comment about their age - that had nothing to do with 'shrivelled' and everything do do with self-respect and integrity in behaviour towards other people's partners). That being said, of course they 'owe' me nothing - their decency or not is nothing to do with me.

But I feel humiliated that DH may be giving them the impression that he's interested, I know he has no intention of doing anything. But flirting outside of the marriage is not part of the deal for me, and doing it where I can see, and the woman knows, makes me feel disrespected, diminished and humiliated.

Added to the fact that his brain SHOULD be focused on helping our children work through their fear from this unpredictable and singular event. Yes, it's over, but a child's logic is, who says it can't happen again? We didn't know it would happen last time?

Each aftershock over a 4.0 feels like the ground 'thumps' hard underneath you. The 3s tend to feel like slight swaying.

He's acting like nothing's wrong and staying out of our way (which is him knowing it's wrong and avoiding discussing it). I'm not sure how we can 'privately discuss' it in a hotel room without even a door between us and the DCs, one of whom is sleeping in bed with me! Maybe try when they go to the pool later.

OP posts:
DevilsDumplings · 25/07/2017 13:40

Sorry you're going through this Holiday'. MNetters can be very blunt & cruel and I for one think they aren't very nice for giving you such a hard time over yout terminology and phrasing in your original post.

For what it's worth the women on your holiday are twunts for coming onto a man who is clearly attached with a wife and children. You're husband isn't behaving much better for reciprocating the attention. I'd be having a close word to be honest.

I hope your children recover from the shock of being in an earthquake. It must have been terrifying for you all. Try and make the most of the rest of your holiday.

Original poster
Holidayhell1 · 25/07/2017 13:40

*not cheat (Freudian slip?!)

OP posts:
Alittlepotofrosie · 25/07/2017 13:41

Slack fannied slappers. How lovely. Its disgusting how some women talk about other women.

Those women don't owe you anything. Its your husband who is the problem.

MyStomachHurts · 25/07/2017 13:45

op=disrespectful to the other women when it's her husband who is at fault

Oh give over, These women are flirting and entertaining a married man on holiday with his family.

RhubardGin · 25/07/2017 13:47

I hope you corrected your children when they became "furious" and started calling your DH a cheat.

Not everything is black and white, they are almost teenagers, not toddlers. They sound very immature.

Jaxhog · 25/07/2017 13:48

Tell him that HE'S ruining the holiday for you and the DCs. It isn't just HIS holiday, it's YOUR'S too.

Hissy · 25/07/2017 13:50

I've been in an earthquake too, way before we had kids and it unsettled both my ex and me for days! he didn't sleep for a good week. He was late 30s himself.

If I were you I'd tackle this one head on actually, seeing as your H isn't going to dent their little bubble... I'd use the Russian skills and take a pew on the corner of her sunbed and explain to her that drooling over a family man in full and obvious view of his wife and kids is just unacceptable. It's making your kids feel insecure and it stops now.

Or put another way the next time you see her drooling over your H or manufacturing little tete a tetes with him that she'd be finding her sunbed all her belongings and her bikini clad arse at the bottom of the pool.

It's gone on long enough. She is showing a massive amount of disrespect for you and your family.

Original poster
Holidayhell1 · 25/07/2017 13:51

I did, Rhu, and continue to do so.

its a reaction I've heard of other children doing too tho - bear in mind they'd already watched this woman following Daddy around.

They're furious because they were worried about him and he stayed out late with the lady who follows him.

OP posts:
Hissy · 25/07/2017 13:51

I'd also ask H what his thoughts are on being an Every Other Weekend Dad.

He's a complete prick. He is the one here that can shut it down totally but isnt

RhubardGin · 25/07/2017 13:53

I'm surprised that they have let the pool remain open after such a large earthquake and aftershocks....

Alittlepotofrosie · 25/07/2017 13:53

@Hissy lots of very nice theoretical imaginary ideas about what you'd do you this woman but its the husband that's the issue. You know cos he's the one who made the marriage vows. What about him?

BrokenBattleDroid · 25/07/2017 13:55

Those women don't owe you anything. Its your husband who is the problem.

Well of course they don't owe OP anything, they don't know her. But what a sad attitude to only behave decently to people who you feel you owe something to.

I'm sure if anyone started a thread saying there were on holiday and fancied one of the adults from a family in their resort, would it be ok to follow them round, flirt, and take selfies in sexy poses in front of them, the responses would be a resounding "NO"! Nobody would say go for it, you don't owe their parter anything!

When my ex cheated with a friend of mine after she made a move at him I was gutted - firstly at him for the scummy cheating, then at her because who the hell does that to someone they know has a family.

diddl · 25/07/2017 13:57

He sounds horrible.

The flirting & blaming you seem the least of it.

Cornycopia · 25/07/2017 14:05

I think your issues are all your own OP.

Can a man not talk to a woman once he's married? It isn't sexist to blame them and not him, it's simply irrational to blame anyone for a man talking to a woman.

I wouldn't have a problem with my DH talking to two women at a bar. I may feel more uncomfortable if he were staying up late with one woman but then I trust him absolutely and would understand that it was my problem, not his.

"slappers" Hmm

Original poster
Holidayhell1 · 25/07/2017 14:05

Rhu - it's on BBC news, google it.

Yes, I'd make up a big earthquake to cover my own insecurity and excuse me for my reaction.

REALLY????!!!! Shame on you, Rhu, shame on you.

OP posts:
Itsnotwhatitseems · 25/07/2017 14:05

thinking about the DCs reaction to this has made me remember a friend of mines reaction to her father getting loads of female attention despite being married. She was proud of him and boasted she suspected he had loads of affairs, she was about 12 at the time...I prefer your DCS reaction TBH