DH on holiday

[Holidayhell1]

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

Change your "spot" by the pool tomorrow at least

www.king5.com/news/local/30-earthquake-hit-bremerton-tuesday/459311435

Why don't you just take your girls and go home?

Sounds like a horrible holiday on many levels.

I'd go home tbh, with the kids. It would be up to him if he came or not.

Youve misunderstood what I meant.

I'm not suggesting you fabricated an earthquake, I watch the news!

I meant I'm surprised they have let the pool remain open despite the earth quake and aftershocks. Usually they would close for safety.

@Holidayhell1 sorry you're getting such a hard time. FWIW I would feel exactly the same as you. YADNBU and if enough people read your posts they would see that his behaviour is out of character and is clearly influenced by these women. Hope your kids DC are ok. Must have been really scary x

It's not what it seems why are you referencing an earthquake in Bremerton, in the NW USA state of Washington? Do you think that's where the OP is staying on a resort holiday?

his behaviour is out of character and is clearly influenced by these women

I'd actually say it's all him. Being an arse at home and on holiday.
Either avoiding other people (at home - you should ask yourself why) or giving too much attention to these women. It would be very simple to fend them off.

He's prob avoiding you because he knows his behaviour is a bit off and he can't really justify it to you.

I agree DCs can pick up on this kind of thing very young. I met my DH and DCs at my works canteen for lunch one day (it was near their school) and while I was queuing up to pay, DC1 aged all of 10 suddenly said to me very conspiratorially "go and guard your man, mummy, someone's trying to steal him" - I turned round and there was DH chatting quite innocently to a colleague of mine, whom he knew.

My only suggestion is to muscle in on them - very friendly-like "oh hi, you're the lady who's been making friends with my DH, aren't you? I like your swimsuit, no wonder you want to show it off in all those photos. Are you on Instagram?" etc etc "We're here with our 2 children. They're a bit unsettled after that earthquake. Do you have children?" Smile smile smile. Don't just give up and go away. At midday-sodding-off-to-the-bar time, can you ask him to take the kids for a cold drink to get them out of the sun while you do whatever else it is you want to do?

I agree it's shit. And I have been known to pull the "Do you want to stay married?" line on my husband (not for anything as bad as this but only half-jokingly) - it was very effective.

DC1 aged all of 10 suddenly said to me very conspiratorially "go and guard your man, mummy, someone's trying to steal him

I know, Rhu - I was amazed. Especially as DH is extremely sociable and the DCs have grown up with him taking them to toddler clubs, chatting to other parents (mostly mums), meeting up with our friends with and without me, etc etc. My DC was utterly utterly wrong (haha, at least I hope so) but the point I was trying to make was that even quite young kids can, and do, sometimes think like that.

jesus they are not coming to him they are TALKING to him - are women not allowed to talk to men now? Blimey I am a right slapper then!

They are 'scantily clad' maybe because they are BY THE POOL

but don't worry OP they are hideous old women in their LATE 30's so obviously beyond the age of attractiveness - not sure why you are bothered

OP has already explained why she made the comment about their ages.

If women only talk to a married man and ignore the wife when she tries to talk to them, they are coming on to him.

I imagine his wife is delightful to talk to!

This is the latest one...

wellhonestly

Kids!

I just hope the OP actually corrected her DC when they said this.

@ghostyslovesheets OP has stated that she tried to make conversation with them and smile (in their native language) and they blanked her. She's also stated that on previous holidays he has categorically NOT wanted to socialise. She has been clear to mention that a particular woman follows him into the pool and appears to be posturing for him. He's a dick for not shutting this down. It's not just talking. The op feels excluded and diminished and she's been clear to state that she doesn't expect him to live in her pocket. No need to be so scathing.

Yes, I'm sure your response to seeing him chatting, in a dimly lit, empty bar, to the "slapper" who had been waving her scantily clad body in his face earlier in the day was, "see, darling, daddy is just having a friendly chat with the nice lady he met by the pool, nothing to worry about, let's go back to bed" 😂

Why is this so hard to believe? I'd absolutely remain calm for the sake of my kids, and talk to DH later in private. Ranting on MN doesn't mean OP has said the same to her DCs. I imagine a lot of us say things on MN that we wouldn't say to/in front of our children.

I imagine his wife is delightful to talk to!
Unlike this man who usually doesn't like to socialise but makes an exception for women who follow him around the pool?
Are you that obtuse?

Why is it that people always roll out the old chestnut of aren't people allowed to talk to people of the opposite sex?

Yes, in some cases the partner is being jealous and controlling, but in a lot of cases (such as the OP's sounds like) they are on the receiving end of some shitty and disrespectful behaviour and twisting their concerns/gaslighting them isn't helpful.

Does anyone really think its acceptable for OP's husband to behave in a manner which is causing their traumatised DC to worry even more and become more distressed? What kind of partner decides to drink in a bar and not answer their phone rather than be with their wife, a supporting her whilst she supports their children?

if enough people read your posts they would see that his behaviour is out of character and is clearly influenced by these women.

Ahhh poor bloke. Them bloody slappers leading his poor, feeble, man mind astray.

I am, actually, Ghosty. Bloody funny usually. But I think we can allow ourselves enough attention to know the difference between talking to and flirting, would you not agree? Obviously I could film them for you to give a more vivid picture of the difference, but that's a bit silly. You'll have to trust me that after a few years on this earth, I know the difference, and this isn't something I have ever brought up before. Generally we've found Russian women to show more interest in the children as culturally they often seem very loving to any kids. There's no chat when I'm around, and she's never followed me into the pool!!

Yes, he's being shitty to his wife AND children, which is why they are reacting to it and not liking it at all.

I don't think many people think that Loup

The majority of posters are saying it's her husbands fault. Not the 'slappers'.

It was his choice to engage with them.