DH on holiday

[Holidayhell1]

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

I would love to go home, but DH point blank refuses

You and the children can go home. He can fuck off on his own. Your call whether you'll trust him to stay there alone and what to do afterwards.

He is being an arse , my dh would never do that to me !

I'm at the OP's response to LurkingFather's utterly patronising post about not speaking the language.

What would I do, if we were on holiday and there was an earthquake and my children were terrified? I would catch the next flight home. And if my husband wanted to stay, I'd remind him families are supposed to be democratic, not autocratic, and he was being out voted. If he chose to stay, I would deal with that when he got home, but no way on earth I would stay where we were, especially if I thought he was being a dick.

YANBU!! I would also be having words with my DP if he acted like this! He needs to have some more respect for you and your feelings!

Men ay!!

goes to the bar every afternoon while I get the kids out of the afternoon sun.

Time for a swap.

I'm grin at the OP's response to LurkingFather's utterly patronising post about not speaking the language.

Me too! I was reading his post thinking how much i would enjoy what was coming

The children are struggling to sleep because they're SCARED so I just sit with them until they can sleep. What would your actions have been when child is panicking something has happened and will not be reassured without proof?

Who the actual fuck stays up drinking in a bar when their children can't sleep and are traumatised by a major incident?!? It is completely understandable that they want both their parents with them and have moments of panic and fear when they don't know where one parent is, any responsible parent would be doing their best to support them not being absent for longer than planned and not answering their phone ffs.

OP, when you get home I would consider some counselling for your children to help them process everything

How is he normally at home, in relation to you and the children, considering his behaviour on holiday?

Well I'm neither MeanAger. Jealousy just isn't in my personal realm of emotions, and I think it's ridiculous and destructive. If some random women were attempting to throw themselves at my DH (which has happened) we would be laughing about it, because he's not an arsehole and wouldn't be interested, so why would I be bothered?

However, the OP being dumped with the kids all holiday while her DH has fun? Yes I'd be absolutely livid about that, but I wouldn't have let it happen in the first place. When our kids were young enough to need putting to bed, we took it in turns to go for a drink.

'He'd moved to her table because all the others were wobbly and he stayed with the lady in an empty bar because he'd forgotten his way back' (next justification coming, Bluntness?!)

I am pissed off at him spending time with someone, without consideration to his family, after I hope a horrific once in a lifetime experience, when I have already expressed concern (and he admitted she was eyeing him up). She does not get into the pool until DH does. Every.time. And she can't see my eyes following her because I have dark sunnies on and she has her back to me or is casually swimming towards DH in the empty pool (hotel has lots of pools so none crowded, we picked this one as it has the best shade and I am very fair and burn like a burnt thing)

You know what even if I was away without my children with a partner and there had been an earthquake I would expect to stay with them (the adult partner) in the days after it. Earthquakes are scary for everyone. A decent partner would want to be with their other half to make sure they were ok. Can't say I am surprised though. You get enough of an idea of how he treats his wife and family in general from the little glimpse of him and these women.

1am in a holiday hotel bar and no-one else was there? Never seen that.

Yes, I'm sure your response to seeing him chatting, in a dimly lit, empty bar, to the "slapper" who had been waving her scantily clad body in his face earlier in the day was, "see, darling, daddy is just having a friendly chat with the nice lady he met by the pool, nothing to worry about, let's go back to bed" 😂

He needs to make it clear he is with you from now on. If he stayed for an extra drink, she may have just started a conversation with him and that can be difficult to get out of when alone. Did he finish his drink and come upstairs or stay and have another with her? I certainly wouldn't have gone looking for him in the bar that early. You will look a bit silly doing that. It depends how he acts from now on, it could be perfectly innocent on his part. They are wrong to flirt with him and he is wrong to encourage it.

I'm trying to put myself in your shoes OP and I don't think I'd be happy either. DH and I are not jealous and we trust each other 100%, but after reading this I'm quite sure that is because neither of us would ever behave in this manner.

We are both quite chatty, or rather I'm chatty, dh is polite and will speak if spoken to. Neither of us would think twice if one of us chatted with a member of the opposite sex, even if we thought they might be flirting. When this has happened previously we've made a joke of it and had a bit of a giggle. The part I struggle with is the drinks alone with them when you and dc have gone to bed. To me that is rather disrespectful, knowing that you would be unhappy and it just encourages the women to think that he may reciprocate their interest.

I can also see how at that age dc would immediately notice that something was amiss. My eldest is nearly 12 and would be most put out by this. He's at the age where everything we do is embarrassing so he would be mortified at the thought that one of us was flirting!

I don't agree at all with calling the women 'slappers'. I hate all of those nasty words to describe women and their behaviour. They are certainly not covering themselves with glory, but they are not married to you, dh is. It is up to him to behave appropriately. If, god forbid, my DH ever cheated, there would be no doubt in my mind who was responsible. An attractive woman could drape herself naked on his lap and it still wouldn't justify any betrayal. Your dh behaviour is his responsibility. These women shouldn't have any bearing on how he treats you. I would be very worried how easily he disregards your feelings and those of your dc.

Finally, have you wondered at all if said women had noticed your disapproving glances and were following dh around more trying to wind you up? Worth considering as women are not usually blatantly flirtatious in front of a married man's wife.

You do not seem to speak your husband's language. This will be for all future a source of strive - unless you change that

Eh?!!!

Oh dear...I don't speak my OHs heritage language. He doesn't speak my heritage language either. We can get the gist of each other's languages after all this time, but thats it. Shockingly - we both live in UK and errmm...we can both speak English

We are doomed, doomed...

As is OP if only she had learned her DHs language he wouldn't be behaving like a monumental dickhead

Just because the two women have no responsibility to the OP (unlike her DH who is clearly the worst offender), doesn't mean that they haven't behaved unkindly and that the OP can't be pissed off at them too .

Still, OP, you need to focus on your DH and his behaviour in this because their behaviour is only problematic insofar as how your husband responded to it.

Personally I'd put any discussion on hold for the sake of the kids, make the best of the rest of the holiday (in which case him skulking off by himself is almost best. If not, maybe take it in turn with the kids) and have it out when you get home. YANBU though, with the possible exception of the midnight bar trip.

Actually wombling it was this post of yours that made me post about the naïveté of some posters.

Is your husband so amazing that random women would actually want him? It's fairly obvious that he's got a wife and kids in tow surely. Not what I would be looking for in a holiday shag

Are you really so clueless/lacking in life experience to think that a person has to be amazingly attractive in order to appeal to someone who is up for a bit of holiday adultery? Do you think ugly men never get flirted with? Dont you realise that making a man's very obviously present wife jealous is sometimes the only motivator for some women when they decide to flirt infront of the spouse? Do you think all women have the same taste as you when it comes to men, or sex, or morals?

Op I quite want to give you a hug. Has he returned? Have you been able to talk things through? Or rather, has he apologised?

My words were 'see baby bunny, daddy is ok, let's go back'.

I didn't mention the woman (at that point I couldn't see it was that particular one as I wasn't wearing my glasses - I initially thought it was a waitress). I asked DH who it was an he eventually coughed it was her, her mate had left earlier. There's little entertainment at the hotel and the dodgy singer stops at midnight, so people head off. It's not really a party hotel, very low key. Thus everyone was in bed when the earthquake hit at 0130 on 21st.

OnionKnight - would be happy with your husband in a bar late at night having a drink with the opposite sex who were blatantly coming onto him earlier in the infront of you and your kids?? if you would then fair fcks to ya*

I'll have to get back to you on that one, I don't have a husband.

In your situation, his feelings on the matter of going home wouldn't even register with me.

Bags would be packed, upset children and I would be in a taxi to the airport for the first flight home.

He could stay or come with, if he chose to stay he would find the doors locked when he eventually returned and his belongings on the doorstep.

That's me, however, not you.

I think yours and your childrens' feelings should trump his wish to stay on holiday, especially if there are still aftershocks. I think your children would feel a lot safer at home.

MeanAger really? WTAF? You think that just because a couple of women are acting daft and flirting that they are going to bend the OPs husband over a sun lounger and bonk him senseless? Who said anything about ugly men anyway? The OP was careful to point out how good looking he was!

Why are you questioning my fucking morals? I've probably been married longer than you've been alive. The point I was making that if I was a single woman looking for a fun holiday shag, it wouldn't be with a bloke with a wife and kids in tow for fuck's sake!

Go home? Slight overreaction. Is he seeing your view OP? Has he agreed to avoid these women? I think you need to have a talk. Sounds to me like he was flattered. Not grounds for divorce surely?

I thinking divorce or going home would be a slight over-reaction.