DH on holiday

[Holidayhell1]

NC for this.

We are currently on holiday, all inc. as you tend to do, we've found our 'spot' to sit at each day, next to a pool and under some trees. Nearby are a couple of women, who happen to speak the same language as DH's native language. Both women have been blatantly eyeing DH up (he's very fit and classically good looking). Our DCs have noticed it, they make it very obvious, one in particular goes in the pool the minute DH does.

He told me a couple of days ago he'd joined in a conversation they were having (in the language) the other day as he was getting food. I was irritated and said wtf, you refuse to even be friendly to neighbour's at home. He knew I was annoyed with how openly they were showing their interest.

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls. Me and a DC trudged up to the bar and there he's sat, happily drinking and chatting to one of the slappers.

He says I'm spoiling the holiday by being upset, and that it was an innocent drink, he wasn't doing anything. I say just because it was just a drink, it will have signalled interest on his part, and it's deeply disrespectful and humiliating to me.

AIBU? Is my reaction OTT? The DCs are furious with him and told him he was 'untrustworthy and cheating'. He's gone off on his own.

Kind advice please 😔😔

Yeah, they're not slappers though.

Your DH is at fault here.

And, if you are all that worried about the earthquake, and no-one is sleeping and it's so terrible, then go home. Hardly conducive to a relaxing holiday.

OP you made the mistake of posting in AIBU instead of Relationships.
Your DH is acting like a disrespectful arse.

FWIW I'm just back from a holiday and it was fucking bliss sitting by the pool all day every day (apart from one beach day). I was certainly not bored getting some much needed R&R.

Oh come on. Now husbands have to be coached with special instructions whenever they go out alone, or else they don 't know how to have a bit of respect?

If having a bit of respect means they can't talk to the opposite sex then yes. I'm guessing you've never stayed up late at a bar on hols, people just talk to each other. I have no issue with it and I'm not a cool wife.

I think a drink and a word in the buffet bar is very different to a strip tease and sitting on his lap.

Why are people encouraging the op to think the worst? This is a real person, with a real marriage and real kids and quite frankly it could easily be just innocent banter absolutely her jealousy is making it worse. . Yes, he may be enjoying the attention or enjoy speaking to an attractive woman in his native tongue, doesn't mean he's going to cheat or doesn't love her or it's worth ruining a holiday over.

slippers

Something soft and saggy to slide into to keep the carpet clean?

Bluntness you are in the minority - and the only one making sense to me. I can't see what he has done wrong, except maybe react to OP's over-reaction.

OP has failed to convince me he has done something wrong.

My DC are not good judges of what is deemed flirting/cheating. I took a picture with someone who wasn't my husband at the Xmas party, and I was accused of untoward behaviour by my DD. As the adult, I find it easier to differentiate. I know some adults cannot my Dsis, goes crazy over some women looking at her DP. Can't see the point myself. But because I know there are women out there like by Dsis, your story sounds more like that than anything bad your DH is doing.

But OP don't worry you'll soon get the required LTBs.

Margot

she was hot and there was nowhere else to sit

I would love to go home, but DH point blank refuses. He wasn't particularly bothered by the earthquake (we had to beg him to leave the room when everyone was told to get away from the seashore and out into the open) and his empathy was lacking somewhat. Obviously being stuck with my insane and unjustified issues makes it all ok.

The children are struggling to sleep because they're SCARED so I just sit with them until they can sleep. What would your actions have been when child is panicking something has happened and will not be reassured without proof? I'm not blaming my kids!

So your child is young enough to be clingy after an earthquake and refuse to leave your side, yet old enough to understand complex relationships and to voluntarily put herself in the middle of a quarrelling couple, dealing out moral pronouncements to her Dad?

My kids would be like that.

Quite VladmirsPoutine it's absolutely cringeworthy.

I don't understand why anyone would want to make a fool of themselves by stomping around a hotel in the early hours, dragging their child along to berate their husband.

Is your husband so amazing that random women would actually want him? It's fairly obvious that he's got a wife and kids in tow surely. Not what I would be looking for in a holiday shag . Maybe it was just fun for him to have a chat in his own language. Do you speak it OP? Were they asking him back to their room for a night of debauchery?

I couldn't cope with having to police my DHs every move due to my jealousy. If he's such a twat that you really think he's going to shag around on you, just because he sits in the same bar as other people, then why are you even with him?

I don't blame you OP for being upset, and while I do think the majority of your anger should be directed at your husband, I can also understand why your anger is aimed at the woman for openly flirting with your dh so much so that your children have noticed it.

I can also understand the children's fear in the aftermath of the earthquake, family is currently staying in hisaranui and they are feeling the after shocks still and they are pretty high up in the mountain.

I'd be having a discussion with you dh, 1, That this is a family holiday and 2, why he is refusing to understand why his actions are upsetting you.

So your husband knows your DD is traumatised and clingy and still thought it was OK to stay out much later than planned and not answer texts asking if he was OK?! Charming. Aside from everything else that is really crappy.

YANBU OP, there is a difference between chatting to someone of the opposite sex and flirting, if he's doing the latter that is spectacularly shite, and with the meeting for a drink it smacks of leading the woman on, which is also shite and disrespectful to everyone concerned.

Bluntness I was utilising hyperbole, obviously.

Why are people encouraging the op to think the worst?

I don't think it's that. She's asking "IABU to feel upset" because her H is making out it's fine and normal. I don't think he's necessarily going to sleep with the SLAPPER sorry I mean lovely blameless holidaymaking lady, but he's being disrespectful and humiliating OP. And he's making OP feel she's in the wrong and unreasonable for minding.

It's maybe not a huge deal. But a shit relationship can be made out of low-level disrespect. Only OP knows if that's an ongoing issue. But the support of others who can honestly say "yes you're not going mad, I wouldn't like that either" can be very helpful. That's really how AIBU came about in the first place. It didn't start out as a bunfight, but because people often need an outside opinion.

OP you are getting a kicking here for no reason whatsoever. Hope it gets better today.

doesn't mean he's going to cheat or doesn't love her or it's worth ruining a holiday over.

Are you saying cheating is the only valid reason OP would have to be upset here?

I wonder if the key factor here is actually the earthquake. You've all had a scare, and are upset - understandably. Your H may be having a feeling of 'life is short, enjoy it while you can', which isn't great (given how out of character his current behaviour seems to be); you may be more inclined to be upset by stuff you would otherwise laugh at, and your DC are thoroughly unsettled as well.

From the OP:

Last night he stayed at the bar after me and the DCs went back to the room. (About 1030/12) at 0045 he still wasn't back and not responding to texts or calls.

Quite aside from the question of flirting, this would bother me. DH and I don't live in each other's pockets, but I'd be pretty pissed off if our DD was having trouble sleeping after an upsetting experience and I was sitting with her every night until she got to sleep, while DH was enjoying himself in the bar. I'd at least expect us to take it in turns so I could have a break too, whereas it sounds like OP has been doing it all herself. To stay out until 1am without a phone call or text to say you're ok and/or give an ETA would be unreasonable in our house, and to not answer calls at all is completely out of order. Presumably OP is a bit worried leaving her kids in the hotel room alone (especially the clingy one) and so if her DH is uncontactable for a long period of time she's totally stuck without support.. Toll those people saying she shouldn't have brought her kid into it, she wouldn't have had to if her DH had only answered his phone when she called.

Two women are waving scantily clad bodies in my husband's face while I'm sat there! They are most definitely coming on to him! They're not young twenty somethings, both are at least late 30s so wtf they think his achieves is beyond me

Late thirties, you say? Well, why didn't you say that in the first place?? This changes everything!

What these shrivelled, shruken old crones are doning parading their yellowing carcuses in front of your husband is beyond me.

Throw them into the nearest open grave you find and save the state the cost of what must surely be their imminent hospitalisations, deaths and funerals.

I see family holidays as a great opportunity to hang out with my family and spend some quality time with my dh which is often difficult to achieve in every day life. So my dh staying out later than me propping up a bar with another woman would be a complete no for me. I don't own my dh but i do expect a certain level of respect, and as for the women, come on, they sound like a couple of shit stirrers to me

Not sure where I said I berated him at the bar? We went, I showed DD he was ok, from a door away from where he was sat, him and her, the only people in the bar, him having moved from our table to hers, the bar in virtual darkness, and motioned for him to come back. And left, very quietly.

There have been no 'scenes'. DD wouldn't go to sleep until she knew daddy was ok, and irrational as it seems (again - please tell me how you felt after waking up to a big earthquake roaring and shaking) the only way was to show her.

I don't police any of his movements - he goes running every morning for about an hour and goes to the bar every afternoon while I get the kids out of the afternoon sun. It is this particular situation I am unhappy with, and putting it all together against the background of a family holiday where one of life's unthinkables has happened, to say this is all ok is at best naive and at the worst unrealistically and pig-headed ly judgemental, and you're lying to yourself.

Based on what you've said about your children being too scared to sleep unless you sit with them, etc. I'd be more bothered that my husband was elsewhere and not being supportive or showing any concern for his children than I would about specifically who he was drinking with. He sounds like a catch, OP

Are you saying cheating is the only valid reason OP would have to be upset here?

No of course not. Him hitting on them, openly flirting with them, but she's not said he's done any of that. Just spoken to them,, had a very public drink when he stayed up late. Shes also not said they have done any of that, their crime is wearing skimpy swimwear by the pool, looking at him and being in the pool at the same time.

She wants to leave, the kids are screaming he's untrustworthy and a cheat and are furious. Over that? Ott. Yes, and then some.

Some people on this thread are either incredibly naive or being completely disingenuous with their posts.