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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish the world was more autism friendly?

190 replies

Tobythecat · 25/07/2017 10:46

I wish for the following -

  • dimmed lighting in all supermarkets shops and offices
-neutral packaging with no patterns in shops and supermarkets
  • every road or busy side road to have a crossing
  • Easily read signs to helps with finding your way around
  • Phone calls not allowed on public transport unless an emergency
  • No loud chatting on the bus and giggling like a banshee
-Autism-friendly jobs (perhaps linked to individuals special interest)
  • Autism rooms in shops/supermarkets to retreat to if feeling overwhelmed
-No music in shops -Loud people must be fitted with a volume control device, and if they exceed the limit, they get hit on the head
  • People who beep their car horns to greet friends on the street/road should have their horn removed and wear a t-shirt that says I am a twat.

Feel free to add your own!

OP posts:
Spikeyball · 25/07/2017 12:21

Thorny when you consider what is reasonable to change you consider the effect on an individual child, not the effect on the group. The fact there were 32 individuals is irrelevant.
I take it back about the piss easy life.

AntiGrinch · 25/07/2017 12:22

I am not autistic but I really think all unnecessary noise could be taken down a notch. I really struggle in lots of public places.

vickibee · 25/07/2017 12:22

I visited Matalan with my ASD son (10) and the lighting was so OTT, he kind of shut down immediately and sat under a rail of clothing. Of course I got medusa stares from other people and we couldnt get out of there fast enough.

ThornyRosie · 25/07/2017 12:22

Thank you spikey , you weren't to know

JumpingJellybeanz · 25/07/2017 12:23

I'd like an extendable safety harness for DS. Like one of those extendable dog leads. So he has a bit of freedom and can run around but I can reel him back in when he suddenly decides to bolt. We've lost him too many times already.

Dawndonnaagain · 25/07/2017 12:24

so you realy feel 32 children should do what suits 1 child? even though it wasn;t THE only trip that school year, and that one child was fully included in the normal day to day stuff as well as days out?

Why on earth not, they still all got a day out didn't they? Just because it was different doesn't mean it was any less fun or valid.

Flippetydip · 25/07/2017 12:26

At the moment with my autistic 2.5 year old I'd just ban hand dryers. He's absolutely terrified of them.

My 2.5 year old was like this until the age of about 5 - public toilets were a nightmare. I was like this until the age of about 9 with motorbikes. DD is now very brave with hand dryers and I'm very brave with motorbikes! (Disclaimer, neither of has ASD)

Sirzy · 25/07/2017 12:28

Of course trips should be made so they cater for all pupils in the class as much as possible. Why on earth wouldn't you?

Would you really see one child left behind simply for the sake of making adjustments to the trip so all can go?

KungFuPandaWorksOut16 · 25/07/2017 12:30

But how would these ideas work?
(I know this is light hearted)

I'm not an expert on autism or anything so correct me if I'm wrong. Not everybody with autism has the same dislikes. So one child with autism might not mind loud noises whereas one other child with autism could absolutely hate loud noises.

JeffVaderneedsatray · 25/07/2017 12:34

I would like places like ToysRus to have ONE type of music playing. Just pick one FFS. The one in our town has different music playing in each section but I can hear it all all the time and it makes me want to cry.

DD would like all eating places to serve chicken goujons the way she likes them, cream crackers or melba toast as carb options and battered King prawns........... She would also like more comfortable clothing with pretty things on...... We currently have 4 of the same dress from Matalan as she loves it. I ahve taken up dress making.

DS hated hand dryers as a wee one and I would quite cheerfully have seen them banned! For him I also request nothing at all distracting that might give him a 'shiny!' moment when I am trying to get him somewhere!

I would like clear signage, clear instructions and a lack of starers and judgers!

rightknockered · 25/07/2017 12:34

Yes Kungfoo, my own house has different zones

Dawndonnaagain · 25/07/2017 12:36

KungFu, you're right, we're all different. We're also different in different circumstances. I am happy to have loud music at home or in the car, the point being that I can control it and I don't have to try and hold a conversation of concentrate on anything else in that situation. Most of us hate sudden loud noises and most (but by no means all) find loud noises distracting when our heads are already full of the other stuff we think about/need to be doing/need to be avoiding/need not to be distracted by for our own safety!

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 25/07/2017 12:38

Someone might have already mentioned this as I haven't rtft but Morrisons do have an autism friendly once a week. It might be a good idea to contact your local store.
I'm told that the lights are dimmed, music off and the loud cages are not moved.

ChickenChica · 25/07/2017 12:38

People coming up and speaking to dd is her number 1 choice.

WinkyisbackontheButterBeer · 25/07/2017 12:39

Autism friendly hour that should be.

Flowersandfootballs · 25/07/2017 12:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 25/07/2017 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5moreminutes · 25/07/2017 13:01

I'd like more information to be available in order to help/ understand people.

I realise this is a complex issue because of invasion of privacy, but I think sometimes privacy isn't the reason information isn't given, and it's just that things haven't been thought through.

A new family who moved to our village asked if their 8yo DS could come to ours to play with one of my kids 6 months ago, after the boys had played together in the village playground. I agreed and we set a date a few days later, the parent gave me no information about her DS - sent him down the road on his own, which is fine usually - he was very, very difficult to have in the house and ignored the child he'd come to play with. I told the mum how he'd behaved and she just said "yes he can be difficult.

Just recently (6 months after the "playdate") the mum was in the playground again and we were chatting about her other child (small toddler) and she told me her older child had been diagnosed autistic exceptionally young, before he was 3, and had been excluded from school just before they moved to our village, and they were still waiting for a place in a special unit. I bloody wish she'd told me something before he came to play on his own - some tips on good ways to manage his behaviour and a heads up on how he would behave, rather than just ask me if he could come over to play, leave him to trot over, and then go to the shops so as not even to be contactable. It's a massive ask to expect people you barely know to guess something you've probably spent months or years getting the hang of, but if she'd given me a bit of information I would not have expected the same from him as from all the other kids I have through the house, who respond to standard teacher look / voice... It would also have been nice to help manage my own child's expectations, as he was utterly baffled by his "new friend" ignoring him and rampaging through the house taking his older siblings' electronics and telling me he was bored, DS was boring, and I had to let him play console/ screens every 3 seconds!

If the parent had been more honest I would have done my best to have him over again too - I can only assume she was desperate for a break and thought I probably would at least keep him safe... but it could have been better for everyone if she'd been more communicative (she chatted to me for ages about other things before asking of he could come and play).

Another of my DSs was on a school trip with a partner class in another school. There was a boy with special needs in the other class who DS felt was left out, but the children were told nothing about him and didn't know what to do - DS cried himself to sleep over the boy when he got home, worrying that the other boy was sad and that he should have done something etc.

As I said I recognise it isn't clear cut, not wanting to share your business is legitimate etc. but sometimes a bit of information about how to help would be appropriate/ good for everyone involved!

5moreminutes · 25/07/2017 13:13

A more concise and less specific "wish" is

I wish people in general would just be clear and say what they need/ want and what any special circumstances/ requirements they need help with are, instead of wanting other people to intuit / guess / be telepathic.

I'm not autistic but I do think that would make things easier for absolutely everyone, I'm guessing especially people on the autistic spectrum!

Flowersandfootballs · 25/07/2017 13:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuiQuaiQuod · 25/07/2017 13:27

People that think my son is a spoilt brat when he has a meltdown
Judgy bastards

this ^^. and yy to loud music in shops, its a shop, not a nightclub.

and if DC has a major meltdown in public, instead of tutting and staring and judging, why not offer to help?

to add to your list OP- ndns being more considerate and not complaining all the time, I do try my best to keep DC quiet, but its usually thir noise that sets DC off. super sensitive hearing.

Incitatis · 25/07/2017 13:37

I have aspergers.

My wishes would be:

Strong smelling, synthetic chemicals make me feel ill so I'd like more scent free plant based cleaning and hygiene products in the shops. They are starting to stock cleaning products, but I can only ever find Simple shampoo etc. and it would be nice to have a choice.

I think those automatic spray air fresheners should be banned in public places.

I don't understand why shops have to be superheated or have music playing all the time.

vickibee · 25/07/2017 13:43

I reckon it is for the benefit of the staff working tbere and not their customers.

Holliewantstobehot · 25/07/2017 13:44

Yes to the judgy people. Also the people who think you should just make your child do x, ignoring the fact that your child is 6 foot and that in your childs mind no sanction could be worse than doing x. (Insert activity of your choice).

raspberrysuicide · 25/07/2017 13:47

I wish the world was more wheelchair accessible.
So that you didn't have to pre book anything in advance.
Ramps were not steep
Doors were wide enough
Easy access onto rides at theme parks and swimming pools