Is it possible not to like your own child?

[HBaker]

I don't have children, so I wouldn't know.

Came across this article.

I knew someone who had twins and though to me the girls seemed pretty similar the mum really disliked one of the two.

The article was odd to me. One of mine was awkward and I felt badly for that child that x found the world difficult to navigate. Not disappointment, sympathy.

I think I could theoretically imagine not liking your own child...it hasn't happened to me, but I have on occasion disliked aspects of my dc's personality/behaviour, so I can imagine a situation where that could be more exaggerated.

That article is really horrible however. Disliking her daughter from the start for being physically weak just seems utterly abhorrent.

Just because it's how she feels doesn't mean it's ok! Otherwise the feelings of racists/homophobes/bigots would be ok, surely?

I admire her admitting it to a certain extent but I still find someone saying they disliked their child from birth because they looked weak, very hard to read.

This kid suffered from a medical issue that no one pushed hard enough to find. And on top of that she was blamed for it and had nasty things said to her. She wanted her daughter to be 'cool'? Wtf is that.
I can't say I have any sympathy for this woman.

This article resonates to me because while I don't have children, I suspect my mom didn't like me too because I was a fat kid. Then I grew up and became very independent, stayed far away as possible, refused to be caught in her dramas, and I think she did not like that.

My dad used to say to me "I always love you but I don't always like you." Which is probably true about certain parent/child relationships but I don't think he should have said it to me

*resonates with me

Yes, I think it happens a lot but it is taboo to talk about. Apparently the only people you allowed to dislike are exes, mother in laws and sister in laws.

My mother regularly says she loved me as a child but didnt always like me!
I think if you feel that it is better to say i love you but i dont like your behaviour! Or best of all say nothing !

My mother disliked me from a very early age although I think she loved me to begin with. She wanted an animated doll. I didn't match up. She projects everything she hates about herself onto me and blames me for things beyond my control, including when she does things wrong. The mother in the article was missing compassion and empathy for her child. Luckily she was taught how to find some. My mother is mid 70's. No chance for her. The message from this article is very much to love and accept what you have. I understand and appreciate that Sophie's needs were neglected from a very early age. However she was "seen" for who she is in the end. In my book that makes her far luckier than the little girl inside me.

My dd was far stronger than I expected and born with a mop of dark hair, not light. I am not strong physically or health wise. I loved dd from the moment she came out because she is unique and my lovely daughter. I, however, unlike my mother, am not a narcissist.

This story is so sad and frequently repeated all over the world.

My ds's dad is a situation where his own dm has openly admitted that while she loves him she does not like him as a person.

Truth is that she has made some bad choices with regards to relationships and he has tried to put her right and she has massively resented him and now they are NC.

So yes I suppose it is possible. I have 2 dc and can't imagine ever feeling like this.
They sometimes drive me crazy etc but I adore them and like them for their uniqueness.

There are aspects of my DD's personality that I dislike but I do not dislike her. Coincidentally, the aspects I dislike of my daughter's personality are those that are most like my own. Traits that throughout my life have got me into trouble and have made me lose friendships.

Horrible article, it sounds like the mother from We Need to Talk About Kevin, expecting us to sympathise with the disappointment/disgust she has with her child. It reads like she was proved 'right' too. It's ok I felt like that! There was something wrong with her! It's fixed now so I love her, even though she's still a bit shit sometimes...

I got told 'I love you but I don't like you right now' a lot too. But given there wasn't much loving behaviour it just felt like they knew they were supposed to say they loved me, and couldn't get away with saying they didn't like me without that caveat.

Sometimes I really, really dislike mine. They can be very selfish and lazy.

But I do always love them, all 4 the same, from the bottom of my heart. And after a few hours disliking them I like them again.

Pengggwn

I can't feel sorry for this woman just because her feelings are not what society would normally expect in terms of affection. I don't think it is any different to bigotry etc, actually - I hope people feel a certain way about other people, it's a shame if they don't. Even more of a shame if that person is someone like their own child. My point is you were saying that the writer was just telling the truth, but just because it's her truth, doesn't make it acceptable. To me, anyway.

I'm not vilifying her, but I don't like what she's written about her daughter.

I've gone through phases of not enjoying DS' company because he was going through horrible phases, but this mother sounds really shallow and unsupportive. It's not like you get to choose if you'll have a cool, sporty, intelligent, social etc child and most of us have strengths and weaknesses. As a parent you've got to encourage the strengths that they have and find things to support and like, it's not their responsibility to be magically likeable with no input or support in the process.

Mother has issues to have such a narrow band of traits to value. Also possibly seeing own issues in child and being over vsensitive to? Who knows.

My eldest's behaviour can be extremely challenging and I find myself liking him less as the day goes on (and my nerves are shredded). But it's his behaviour I struggle with, not him, I'll always love the bones of him.

I thought it was a very good article and explores some unpleasant issues and feelings. The mum is clearly ashamed and yet posters judge her harshly?

It's probably a lot more common than people think.

when the feelings expected of you are those of genuine affection/liking. That can't be forced. Reasons are not really relevant.
It can't be this simple though. Lots of people don't seem instantly likeable to me, but if I deal with them often (e.g. at work), I tend to see more and more thing to like in them. For your own DC, who has no choice but spend time with you, surely you would work very hard to find the good in them?
All her reasons for dislike are patently subjective and not things which would bother most people (e.g. the child was not aggressive or nasty, she just liked different things than her mother). IMO, the mother should have sought help much more urgently to deal with her own strange and rigid standards for a child. The DDs actual difficulties were very slight compared to the mothers failings as a parent.