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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not rush divorce for sake of STBXH new marriage

145 replies

TeenageDirtBags · 23/07/2017 17:40

I'm a single mum of two teenagers. I met my STBXH when I was very young and we were married a very long time. We have been living apart for 3 years and for most of that time I've dipped in and out of dating sites, never settling but I have not been lonely IYKWIM. I would like to find someone permanent. Split was agreed by bothof us.

STBXH met his new gf after we split and i'm sure he's planning on marrying once the divorce is through. They are not engaged yet but he's a tradionalist and he'll be waiting until it's right. My children have told me they're talking about it. Divorce is taking a long time but I'm in no rush.

AIBU to take a little longer than I need to with the paperwork?

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 23/07/2017 17:54

How spiteful...

WannaBe · 23/07/2017 17:54

Maybe you haven't moved on because most decent men wouldn't want to enter into a relationship with someone quite so unpleasant?

DirtyBlonde · 23/07/2017 17:55

Pissed or pissed off?

If listed off, that's a normal feeling. But not one to be acted in. Unless you want people to think you're acted like a prize bitch.

If it's actually driven you to drink (I can't tell if you missed a word, or missed a sentence break) that's probably nit an issue as a one off, but items nit a habit to get in to.

QuiteLikely5 · 23/07/2017 17:55

I don't see how causing them misery can bring you satisfaction?

You need to have a look in the mirror at the person who you are

Crispsheets · 23/07/2017 17:56

You're not setting a great example for your children

Alittlepotofrosie · 23/07/2017 17:57

Grow up and don't be so spiteful. Ill second what wannabe said. Jealousy isn't a good look.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 23/07/2017 17:57

If you're going to be spiteful maybe just think about the impact it will have on you. You say you want to find someone permanent but you will put off potential long-term partners if you are a) purposefully delaying a divorce, and b) still so angry and bitter.

Move on and sign the paperwork. This is not healthy.

Bluepansies · 23/07/2017 17:58

Easy to have a bitter thought here and there perhaps, but honestly it'd be really embarrassingly spiteful and immature to purposely delay the paperwork. What will you actually achieve?

ToeKneeChestNut · 23/07/2017 17:58

How petty and nasty!

YABU. I can't imagine that anyone would agree with you on this one. You're being pathetic.

caffeinestream · 23/07/2017 17:58

But Imperial, playing silly buggers and delaying the divorce for no reason isn't going to change that, is it? So why bother making things harder for everyone when you don't have to?

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 23/07/2017 17:59

You are being incredibly petty OP. No wonder he wants a divorce.

thebigbluedustbin · 23/07/2017 17:59

It's been years. Let him have his life

Original poster
TeenageDirtBags · 23/07/2017 17:59

Pissed off rather than pissed, it hasn't driven me to drink yet lol.
It's not that i'm sabotaging his relationship or doing anything outrageous i'm just not rushing to the solicitors office.

OP posts:
Redglitter · 23/07/2017 17:59

You're being childish and nasty. Just sign the papers

londonrach · 23/07/2017 17:59

Seriously!!! You sound spiteful. You both happy with the divorce...get it sort. Yabvvvvu to delay it because you want to. (Mn jury...is this real, are people this spiteful in real life?)

MaisyPops · 23/07/2017 18:00

From the outside it looks like you're spiteful because following ghetto split you've taken on most of the childcare and responsibilities whilst he's had time to swan about finding himself a new woman.

But, you don't gain anything by dragging your feet (though I could understand if it was within 6 months of separating).
If I'm perfectly honest the fact you're still married 3 years later means you will be explained as the crazy ex wife who is refusing to divorce him.

MaisyPops · 23/07/2017 18:01

*The (no idea why I'm getting some stupid autocorrects on my phone! Getting random word guesses from typos and Autocorrects has just swapped 3 times to Autocorrelation!?)

needsomesunshineandwine · 23/07/2017 18:02

Wow, you need to grow up!!

WorraLiberty · 23/07/2017 18:02

Your childcare issues are nothing to do with your ex's girlfriend.

GutterStar · 23/07/2017 18:03

Move the fuck on, OP.
Good luck to you.

Whatsername17 · 23/07/2017 18:03

If he is talking about marriage with his girlfriend, then she is going to be a big part of your kids lives. Delaying your divorce because you are pissed off will cause tension and upset which will impact on your kids. You'd be better off signing the papers and asking him to take the kids more often and parent more equally.

Original poster
TeenageDirtBags · 23/07/2017 18:04

What are you on about WorraLiberty? Who said anything about ex's gf and my kids care?

OP posts:
SpartacusSaiman · 23/07/2017 18:05

Its what abusive dicks do when their partners finally leave them.

outabout · 23/07/2017 18:05

Spiteful and unpleasant, there are at least a few around.

RebornSlippy · 23/07/2017 18:05

What is the point exactly? You make yourself look like a bitter, spiteful cow. Is this you? Just do what needs to be done and get on with your life. You say that the split was mutal, why then are you intent on making things difficult? It's sad, OP, it really is.

You need to get a life. The vengeful streak in you is very unattractive, even reading it in black and white here. I can only imagine this personality trait isn't exactly encouraging potential partners to beat the door down. Time to do a little bit of reflection on the type of person you are becoming. It ain't pretty.