Wearing trainers on a hiking holiday - AIBU?

[RangeTesKopeks]

Hi everyone,

I'm on a hiking holiday with friends at the moment, although it's all very relaxed and we can do our own thing if we like.

Everyone else has walking boots that they've brought with them and i haven't. I own a pair, but couldn't get it before the trip (long story, but it's somewhere in my parents' house, which is 6 hours' away from where I live).

I've brought a pair of trainers instead with me, but am a bit worried about hiking with these on. (All of the other people in the group are really keen walkers, and I'm not really).

AIBU to wear trainers on the hikes instead of buying another pair of walking boots? I don't go on walking holidays at all really, and don't really want to pay for another pair of boots as they're quite expensive. But I don't think it's very safe to walk up mountains in trainers and I'm quite nervous about the walking aspect in general (scared of heights etc.)

WWYD? Would you buy a new pair of boots?

[RangeTesKopeks]

I had get-togethers for friends over the past couple of years, and invited AG every time. She didn't know anyone else there the first time, and the second time knew some people who she'd met before. Both times, she asked if she could invite her DP along, and I said she could. I also cooked vegan food for both of them, and really tried to be a nice and pleasant host. But on this holiday, it feels like she hasn't really tried to include me at all.

I have a similar story of another holiday with her, about ten years ago. It was a walking holiday with my DSis and AG, which AG had suggested. We went, and AG was more or less dictating everything. It didn't feel very fair or equal, to be honest. My DSis and her don't really keep in contact now - I think I sort of keep our friendship going for old times' sake, and because I don't really want to lose a friend as well. I'm not proud of myself in any way for admitting this.

[RangeTesKopeks]

Thanks caffeine

I wear glasses as well, so pretty nervous about that. I'm also quite worried about the river being rough. All my life, I've tried to 'keep the peace' and have just gone alone with things that I haven't felt comfortable with. I spent most of last night thinking whether I'd regret not going along today, and I really don't think I will. It's not my cup of tea at all.

[LIZS]

In fairness to AG she gave op the heads up on the planned activities well in advance, so to bail last minute would be more irritating now than if she'd been more upfront. OP it sounds as if your "friendship" has run its course, you don't share interests or even concern for each other's needs. Her behaviour around food is odd and the inflexibility over trips and activities but she has somewhat clumsily at least tried to include you. Do you go home tomorrow!

[RangeTesKopeks]

Caffeine Your suggestions sound amazing! Thanks

My reasoning is that the kayaking thing is a bit like, say, asking someone who's not a confident skier/swimmer/horse rider to go off with a group of confident skiers/swimmers/horseriders and not really making any allowances for them.

For a complete contrast, I remember how kindly I was treated by a family who I stayed with in France who taught me how to cycle (at the age of 18! They were scandalised that I'd never learnt before then! ).

I never learned to cycle as a child, as I didn't get taught. The family in France showed me how, and were so lovely and patient with me. It became fun rather than a chore, and gave me so much confidence. I'm still not a confident cyclist, but they took me with them on a cycling holiday they do every year and just really supported me through. It was fab.

[RangeTesKopeks]

LIZS yep I'll be heading home tomorrow morning.

I fully see and appreciate AG's point of view here - that's a good point.

It might sound odd, but we've never really 'got' each other' needs, I think. When we were much younger and first got to know each other, she would invite my DSis and I round to hers and put on horror films (The Ring, The Gift, Gothika etc.) to watch. She knew that I hated horror films but she loved them.

[Eggandchipsfortea93]

Apologies if this has been said, but whatever shoes you end up with, wear at least 2 pairs of socks, a that n and a hick pair. It can help avoid blisters hugely (the socks rub across each other rather than against your feet).

[RangeTesKopeks]

Thanks everyone for all of your help

[Mulledwine1]

I think you might be ok with trainers too.

I did a coastal walk in sandals a couple of months ago and my feet were fine! (we went out and did other stuff first and kind of ended up doing the cliff walk by accident). Admittedly I didn't have to scramble over rocks or anything though.

[Eggandchipsfortea93]

I'm a bit surprised neither of the blokes would share a canoe with you, that seems tough. It also suggests that you wouldn't all be a cosy group, with them patiently waiting for you if you're slower. Canoeing can be great, but is quite hard work on your arms if ur not used to it, so I think it right to not be keen, if you're not confident about it. I've been on lots of walks, cycle rides, canoe trios, and thoroughly enjoyed most of it, but on rare occasions, being left behind spoiled trips completely for me (its one thing to have a race, but if you're there to enjoy and relax, why do people not slow down a bit and spend time with their friends?).
Sounds like you've made the best of this trip ( you seem a nice, positive person, some would sit and sulk back at the accommodation!), but they're set on an itinerary which doesn't suit your interests.

[WiganPierre]

They sound so unaccommodating! I don't know why they want to go on a group holiday if they won't adapt their plans to suit everyone... that's just not what group holidays are about. I do think you are being friends with her out of loyalty. Maybe it's best to follow your sister's lead and let the friendship go naturally. Weird about the horror films as well, I couldn't stand that!

[caffeinestream]

You're welcome

I hope you had a good day today? I know it rained a lot but I think there were a few dry patches - I was at work so didn't notice much!

[RangeTesKopeks]

Hi all,

Just posting an update on here (I realise it’s been ages though!)

Since the trip we went on, my friend from this thread got married and I went to her hen do and wedding.

A few months after the wedding, my friend suggested all her friends from the wedding and I have a catch-up, so we arranged a weekend away for a group of us.

I thought it would be nice to go as we had a few mutual friends in that group and I’d got on well with some of the new people in that group who I’d met for the first time at the wedding/hen weekend.

When we got to the catch-up weekend, it turned out when I got there that I was the only one who could make it as all her other friends had pulled out for various reasons.

I was hoping the friend and I would have a nice weekend. However, she was very stressed (high pressured work situation, upset at other friends not turning up, felt unwell - possibly intensified by how stressed/upset she was). She took this out on me by having a go at me and being really passive aggressive.

I was really upset as I’d been really supportive to her for that weekend (eg I brought snacks, really listened to her while she told me about the difficulties she was having at work, I’d suggested potential places to eat - vegan places - which she turned down, so we only went to places she wanted to go to) so I felt really upset.

After that weekend, I didn’t feel like I wanted to carry on the friendship so I just didn’t contact her as I didn’t know how else to end things.

I told my friends about it, as I was really upset and wanted to share how I felt with someone. They thought ending the friendship was the best thing to do, but understood it was difficult (they know about this walking holiday and about what happened at the wedding/hen do - long story and very identifying, but involved some of the wedding party and me having to take care of a friend of the bride on the wedding night after she drunk too much whilst taking medication and ended up going to hospital).

Since then, myfriend from this thread got in touch a few weeks ago to ask how things were going generally.

More recently, she got in touch this morning to ask how things were and to say how sorry she was about what happened on our catch-up weekend and that she would like to carry on the friendship.

My instinct now is not to reply, as my reasons for not wanting to carry on the friendship are due to feeling upset at her actions and behaviour over many years, but I really don’t want to hurt her feelings or get into an argument by saying this.

Is the best thing if I just don’t reply? Just want to share how I feel with people as I would prefer not to carry on the friendship as it’s made me feel pretty shit at times due to not feeling supported by my friend and due to how she’s behaved over the years, but I also don’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings.

[RangeTesKopeks]

Just bumping in case anyone has any advice.

[SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace]

Hi OP! You really need to start a new thread with your update because it's not relevant at all to the original question and most people won't read to the end of the thread to see it if they don't know anything about hiking.

[2bazookas]

Please don't go in old trainers. Especially if you're not fit, and unused to hillwalking.

Even in summer, a few minutes of rain in the hills can make slippery conditions underfoot and it's often windy up there. Combine that with feeling tired and having blisters its easy to trip or slip. Above a steep drop, a moments loss of balance can lead to disaster.

The Lake District's Mountain Rescue teams dealt with 654 incidents and 21 fatalities in 2018. Numbers are escalating every year.

[VainAbigail]

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3991036-Friend-getting-into-contact-after-uncomfortable-last-catch-up-AIBU-not-to-reply-to-friend-s-text