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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stay in 'cause of my hangover?

109 replies

AndysBabyAnimal · 22/07/2017 16:34

Ok, so I already know that I am BU, but am I BVVVU? Is it really SO bad?

Basically I had plans for tonight to go to my parents and stay over with DS who's a toddler. DP didn't want to come as he wants to be up early tomorrow to paint the walls.
Last night after work I ended up going for some drinks with colleagues, I never ever do this and since having DS I go out rarely. I rang DP who was fine about it. Things got a bit out of hand last night and I ended up very drunk, to the point where I got in at 2am and was vomiting. All day today I've been throwing up and feeling very. Dry sorry for myself.
I've cancelled stayed over at my parents (they're having a party) as I just can't face t and feel horrendous. DM has been understanding and told me not to worry about it. But DP is absoltely furious with me because he says he wanted a night in on his Xbox and I've 'ruined it'. I only made the plan to go to my parents 3 days ago, and I didn't know how much he wanted me out of the way tonight before I cancelled. I get that he's disappointed, but I've apologised countless times and said I'll go to bed soon as DS is in bed, so he can still have his Xbox night. I'm getting the silent treatment, it's been going on for hours. He's being really cold and full on sulking. He 'nipped out' earlier in a strop and he's now been gone almost 2 hours. I rang him before to see when he'd be back and he said "I'll be out aslong as it takes." And cut me off.

Is me cancelling really so bad? I could understand if DM was upset as it's her I've cancelled on! But is DP BU to be so annoyed with me?

OP posts:
Zippydoodah · 22/07/2017 16:36

Why can't he have a night on it with you there?

sureitsgrand · 22/07/2017 16:38

Strange reaction!

NormaNameChange · 22/07/2017 16:38

Yes, of course he is, but you've clearly disrupted his plans and I dont think they ever involved a night in on the XBox....

Redredredrose · 22/07/2017 16:39

I don't think he's unreasonable for being disappointed if he was looking forward to a toddler free evening and a night playing with his toys. I do think he's being unreasonable for acting like a thwarted seven year old.

Fruitcorner123 · 22/07/2017 16:39

Of course he is being very very unreasonable! His behaviour is odd

BastardGoDarkly · 22/07/2017 16:40

I'd be wondering what he was really planning on doing, honestly, that's way ott.

Hotwaterbottle1 · 22/07/2017 16:40

Sounds like he had something else planned that you have now scuppered!

Redredredrose · 22/07/2017 16:40

I'm withholding judgement on whether he was actually planning to get his end away while you were gone though it did cross my nasty, suspicious mind

Saiman · 22/07/2017 16:41

I would be disappointed if i was getting the house to myself, for the night. Andbthen dh ruined it because he got pissed the night before.

But i wouldnt be going mad about it.

Bumshkawahwah · 22/07/2017 16:41

You are not being U...he is blowing this way out of proportion. There's more to this than meets the eye.

WheresLarry · 22/07/2017 16:41

I can understand his annoyance, although he might not be handling it the best way. Sometimes it's nice to get a night to yourself, empty house with nobody to disturb you. Even if you go to bed early he still isn't getting the night he had planned.

I will probably be in the minority but I think YABU. You changing your plans automatically change's your DP's plans, all because you went on a bender after work.

faithinthesound · 22/07/2017 16:42

Because the child will be there too. And if he doesn't help out with said child, then he'll get lambasted for not pulling his own weight. What he thought he was going to get was a pants-off night-in with video games and being left alone (I'm partial to those myself!!!)

OP, you made a series of choices, starting with making the plans, progressing to deciding to drink, going on to deciding to drink TOO MUCH, and then culminating in disrupting the plans of everyone around you.

I have very little sympathy for hangovers because unless you were tied up having the alcohol poured down your throat, you brought this on yourself. Now your parents don't get to see you and your DS. Now your DS doesn't get to see your parents. Now your DP doesn't get the night off he envisioned. Because you made bad choices.

You already know you're being unreasonable. And no, this isn't the end of the world. But it is a big let down and a big disappointment, and very selfish on your part to derail everyone's weekend because you can't say when.

FeckinCrutches · 22/07/2017 16:42

Yes, of course he is, but you've clearly disrupted his plans and I dont think they ever involved a night in on the XBox....

Don't be ridiculous Hmm

I love it when my husband takes the kids away and I have the house to myself. I'd be a bit gutted as well.

fairypuff · 22/07/2017 16:42

Another one here agreeing with the fact that his reaction is way OTT and very strange. I'd be suspicious.

rollonthesummer · 22/07/2017 16:43

He wasn't planning a night on the X box. I'd be incredibly cross with his reaction and ask him what the hell he was planning on doing that he couldn't do with you in the house.

AccrualIntentions · 22/07/2017 16:44

I'm guessing if you're feeling like crap you'll be going to bed early anyway, so he can have his precious night on the X Box regardless.

faithinthesound · 22/07/2017 16:46

I think the people raising eyebrows and suggesting he has some nefarious cross purpose are reaching a bit.

I don't think it has anything to do with OP being in the house. I think it has everything to do with the fact that having both OP and DP in the house means DS is in the house too. And children are hard work. Hard work that he thought he was getting a night off of. Hard work that he can't now say "soz, you said it was my night off" because then he'll be roundly criticized for leaving everything to OP (and if he DOES do that, he'll probably get bombarded with a chorus for OP to LTB!)

Seriously, please stop projecting on this poor fellow. He thought he was getting a night in peace, and found out that he's not, because his partner selfishly got smashed when she knew she had plans. Give him a break.

ConstanceCraving · 22/07/2017 16:46

His reaction is extremely strange. I smell a rat.

WheresLarry · 22/07/2017 16:47

Oh yeah, forgot this is mumsnet. He must have actually been planning a wild night with his bit on the side because a man could never just want a quiet night alone chilling on his Xbox.

Unless there is a massive drip feed then I don't understand why some people are automatically assuming the DP was planning something more than a night on the Xbox. I've seen many a thread where a woman has been hoping for a quiet night and plans being changed, never seen anyone shout affair.

NormaNameChange · 22/07/2017 16:48

@FeckinCrutches It seems I'm not the only one who is 'being ridiculous'.

Grown ups don't throw major tantrums and vanish for over two hours bevause they're "a bit gutted", its an OTT reaction and unless her DH is a manchild of epic proportions I think it's entirely naive not to question what plans may have been disrupted.

Mothervulva · 22/07/2017 16:49

Him being disappointed isn't an issue, that's understandable, it's him ignoring you for hours and going all moody. Bit OTT, all because he can't play on his Xbox all night. What a kid.

IAmcuriousyellow · 22/07/2017 16:51

Well maybe there is only the one room to sit in, like most houses, and the noise of the xbox is horrible so he doesn't binge on games when the OP is home? Anyway i reckon the hangover will be over and she'll be feeling dandy by 7 and ready for a little something again.

rollonthesummer · 22/07/2017 16:52

I can totally understand he might be disappointed.

His behaviour is totally disproportionate though.

ConstanceCraving · 22/07/2017 16:52

Larry he can still have a night on the X box. OP will be in bed as will their dc.

That's one HUGE overreaction if ever I saw one!

faithinthesound · 22/07/2017 16:53

Honestly, if I thought I was getting a night off being One Of The Parents, and found out actually, no, I wasn't, I'd go out too. Because it's one way to still get a bit of time off, isn't it?

Everyone who is insinuating he's having an affair, ever heard of Occam's Razor? The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. In other words, we're hearing hoofbeats. Maybe we should rule out horsies before we start hollering zebra.

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