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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stay in 'cause of my hangover?

109 replies

AndysBabyAnimal · 22/07/2017 16:34

Ok, so I already know that I am BU, but am I BVVVU? Is it really SO bad?

Basically I had plans for tonight to go to my parents and stay over with DS who's a toddler. DP didn't want to come as he wants to be up early tomorrow to paint the walls.
Last night after work I ended up going for some drinks with colleagues, I never ever do this and since having DS I go out rarely. I rang DP who was fine about it. Things got a bit out of hand last night and I ended up very drunk, to the point where I got in at 2am and was vomiting. All day today I've been throwing up and feeling very. Dry sorry for myself.
I've cancelled stayed over at my parents (they're having a party) as I just can't face t and feel horrendous. DM has been understanding and told me not to worry about it. But DP is absoltely furious with me because he says he wanted a night in on his Xbox and I've 'ruined it'. I only made the plan to go to my parents 3 days ago, and I didn't know how much he wanted me out of the way tonight before I cancelled. I get that he's disappointed, but I've apologised countless times and said I'll go to bed soon as DS is in bed, so he can still have his Xbox night. I'm getting the silent treatment, it's been going on for hours. He's being really cold and full on sulking. He 'nipped out' earlier in a strop and he's now been gone almost 2 hours. I rang him before to see when he'd be back and he said "I'll be out aslong as it takes." And cut me off.

Is me cancelling really so bad? I could understand if DM was upset as it's her I've cancelled on! But is DP BU to be so annoyed with me?

OP posts:
WaspsAreBastards · 22/07/2017 16:55

I'd be wondering what he was really planning on doing

Exactly the phrase I was about to type.

RhubardGin · 22/07/2017 16:55

He must be having an affair! Get a grip MN!

He was looking forward to a child free evening to play with his toys and because his wife can't handle her drink his plans are ruined.

If it was the other way around and the husband was hungover and changed the plans it would be a different story!

apostropheuse · 22/07/2017 16:56

His reaction is completely OTT. I would be very suspicious of his motives, particularly given his subsequent disappearance. It does sound like he had other plans.

On the off-chance he's just being a childish prst, making you feel unwelcome in your own home is completely unacceptable.

ConstanceCraving · 22/07/2017 16:57

She will be in bed though. He can crack on with his X box.

RhubardGin · 22/07/2017 16:57

Everyone who is insinuating he's having an affair, ever heard of Occam's Razor? The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. In other words, we're hearing hoofbeats. Maybe we should rule out horsies before we start hollering zebra.

It's mumsnet, the simplest reason is always an affair, duh!

GrumpyOldBag · 22/07/2017 16:57

An adult wants to spend the evening playing Xbox?

That's just weird...

Original poster
AndysBabyAnimal · 22/07/2017 16:58

If it was another man maybe I'd be suspicious. But we do only have one room to sit in, and it really annoys me sitting there watching someone play games consoles, I'm not a fan of them myself. So whenever I'm not in, or go to bed early etc he jumps at the chance to get on it. I genuinely do think he was just looking forward to staying on it all night without me asking what time he'll be off it.
I won't be doing that tonight though as I know I've ruined his plans, I'm feeling terrible and just want to go to bed tbh. So I do find his reaction OTT but he keeps telling me he has "every right" to be so annoyed with me.
Yer it was selfish of me to go and get so drunk, I'm feeling very stupid today. But this is not something I make a habit of or do very often at all. Hence why I obviously got carried away last night!

OP posts:
MrsBakedBean · 22/07/2017 16:58

"playing with his x-box" FFS so glad my OH is a man and not a man-boy.

RhubardGin · 22/07/2017 17:00

"My DH was planning to take the DC to his parents tonight to give me a night in and a bit of a break.

He got so drunk last night that he's decided he's not going out and my relaxing evening is now not going to happen.

I thought to myself, why should my plans be ruined because he's feeling sorry for himself, so I got in the car and went for a drive for a bit of me time.

He couldn't handle his drink on the one weekend I was looking forward to a relaxing time at home, he is so selfish!

AIBU?"

caffeinestream · 22/07/2017 17:01

I think he's annoyed because he had a child-free night planned, but now you're home, DS will be home too. So if he doesn't go to bed on-time, on gets up in the night, or screams etc. he'll be expected to help out and go to him.

Saying you'll be going to bed isn't really the point. He's now at least partially responsible for DS when he was supposed to have a night off and he's (understandably) pissed off.

He's overreacted, but I don't think it means he was planning to sleep with someone else or anything quite so ridiculous.

WheresLarry · 22/07/2017 17:01

constance but that's not the same. The DP was planning on a toddler free evening, but that has been changed.

Flyinggeese · 22/07/2017 17:02

He sounds really childish!

ConstanceCraving · 22/07/2017 17:02

I can't imagine the toddler will be up late Confused

caffeinestream · 22/07/2017 17:02

Oh, here we go. Posts saying he's immature for wanting to play video games in his child-free time Hmm

If he was planning a night in reading War and Peace, or watching nature documentaries, or even the football, he wouldn't be called immature or a man-child or anything else.

Sunshinegirls · 22/07/2017 17:04

Extreme reaction on his part! I'd be telling him to grow the F up! X box?? How old is he?

faithinthesound · 22/07/2017 17:04

Plenty of men play video games as a means of escape/relaxation. They're a perfectly cromulent hobby no matter the age of the man. Release the pearls.

RhubardGin · 22/07/2017 17:05

It doesn't matter what he was doing, it's the principle.

Original poster
AndysBabyAnimal · 22/07/2017 17:05

DS is an excellent sleeper. He is in bed for 7:30 and goes straight off and sleeps through, every night. We take it in turns to bath him and put him to bed and tonight is my turn as DP did it last night. So no he won't be 'lambasted' for anything.
As I've said I already know I am BU for going and getting so drunk. I've apologised to him a lot today and I feel really guilty. But I'm just not sure his reaction fits the crime! I completely understand he's disappointed, but I feel he's over reacting.

OP posts:
Cantseethewoods · 22/07/2017 17:06

It's totally normal to like Xbox as an adult. I'm not a gamer myself but I know plenty of people who like it and are fully functioning members of society. No more weird than liking going to the gym is it?

faithinthesound · 22/07/2017 17:06

I think he's annoyed because he had a child-free night planned, but now you're home, DS will be home too. So if he doesn't go to bed on-time, on gets up in the night, or screams etc. he'll be expected to help out and go to him.

Exactly this. Especially because OP got herself nice and drunk and now is probably in no fit state to do much of the parenting by her own admission: she feels poorly and wants to go to bed.

So he's gone from a night of no obligation, to a night with basically all of the obligation.

RhubardGin · 22/07/2017 17:07

AndysBabyAnimal

Of course you feel he has over reacted 🙄

Don't be expecting a child free night anytime soon OP.

sdaisy26 · 22/07/2017 17:11

Well he's probably fed up because he's been stuck with the toddler today while you've been vomiting / sleeping off your hangover, AND his peaceful night in has been disturbed as well. It is different when there is a child in the house vs being completely on your own.

I reckon you owe him & can understand why he's feeling fed up, especially if you haven't seemed apologetic.

The disappearing off for two hours is a bit rubbish though.

faithinthesound · 22/07/2017 17:11

I completely understand he's disappointed, but I feel he's over reacting.

If you completely understand, then you don't get to tell him he's overreacting.
If you think he's overreacting, chances are you don't completely understand.

He's entitled to his feelings. If the situation was reversed and he'd got himself in a state and left all the childcare to you, and you were pissed off about it and went out for a bit of peace and quiet, all the posts would be along the lines of POWER TO THE PEOPLE and BURN THE BAR and TELL THAT MAN HOW IT IS etc etc.

It's whatever. You want to go to bed, so now he has to deal with whatever arises. You can say your son is a good sleeper, but it doesn't matter: even if the child is sleeping, at one person needs to remain at least ready to react to anything that comes up in the night, if he gets sick, has a nightmare. Your DP is now the one who will be expected to snap awake and deal with it, because you'll be sleeping the sleep of the hungover.

I don't think he's overreacting.

RainyDayBear · 22/07/2017 17:12

That's a huge overreaction. My DP is a gamer, and will always have a night in with pizza, a few beers and the PlayStation when I go out. If I cancelled a night out but still said "don't mind me, I'll put DD to bed as I know you've been looking forward to your evening" I just can't imagine him having an issue with this. I must admit my first thought was 'what was he really planning on doing?'

caffeinestream · 22/07/2017 17:13

He is overreacting, but I think he's right to be pissed off. Did you even ask him if he minded you cancelling and changing your plans? Because presumably he's now going to have a toddler hanging around tomorrow when he's supposed to be doing all the painting, or are you happy to get up early to take him out and entertain him while your DP gets on with things?

I think he's entitled to be annoyed about losing his child-free time. A sleeping toddler upstairs isn't the same as having the house to yourself, either. He'll have to watch his language (presumably he talks to his mates on headset) and keep the volume down too.