AIBU to stay in 'cause of my hangover?

[AndysBabyAnimal]

Ok, so I already know that I am BU, but am I BVVVU? Is it really SO bad?

Basically I had plans for tonight to go to my parents and stay over with DS who's a toddler. DP didn't want to come as he wants to be up early tomorrow to paint the walls.
Last night after work I ended up going for some drinks with colleagues, I never ever do this and since having DS I go out rarely. I rang DP who was fine about it. Things got a bit out of hand last night and I ended up very drunk, to the point where I got in at 2am and was vomiting. All day today I've been throwing up and feeling very. Dry sorry for myself.
I've cancelled stayed over at my parents (they're having a party) as I just can't face t and feel horrendous. DM has been understanding and told me not to worry about it. But DP is absoltely furious with me because he says he wanted a night in on his Xbox and I've 'ruined it'. I only made the plan to go to my parents 3 days ago, and I didn't know how much he wanted me out of the way tonight before I cancelled. I get that he's disappointed, but I've apologised countless times and said I'll go to bed soon as DS is in bed, so he can still have his Xbox night. I'm getting the silent treatment, it's been going on for hours. He's being really cold and full on sulking. He 'nipped out' earlier in a strop and he's now been gone almost 2 hours. I rang him before to see when he'd be back and he said "I'll be out aslong as it takes." And cut me off.

Is me cancelling really so bad? I could understand if DM was upset as it's her I've cancelled on! But is DP BU to be so annoyed with me?

rhubarbgin I've read a thread similar to your reverse example on here before. And the general consensus from posters was that the OP was being OTT and her DH hadn't committed the crime of the century, and the "we've all done it, you should get over it" response.

I am taking DS to my parents for the day tomorrow.

Also, thinking about it, he was probably planning a toddler free morning too - so a bit of a lie in etc while his DS was at his grandparents. I'd be as pissed Jeff about that seeing my toddler gets up by 6.30 pretty much without fail.

No, it's not the crime of the century, but presumably if you've been vomiting all day, DP has done most of the childcare?

In my experience, most OP's who come on to complain about vomiting/hungover husbands are told to wake them up to get on with things, because they're adults and hangovers aren't a reason to cancel plans/sleep/get out of doing childcare.

Yes, of course he is, but you've clearly disrupted his plans and I dont think they ever involved a night in on the XBox....

Agreed. That is the behaviour of a child/teenager not s grown man and a father.

A night to yourself is compketely different to a night with everyone there but in bed.

I get up and have the house to myself for an hour every morning. A few weeks ago the kids stayed at my parents and dh eas going out. I went out dinner with a friend after work and was home for 7pm. Those few hours completely alone were bliss. I get an hour every morning. But its not the same.

Tbh though if a woman posted she was meant to be have a complete night off, while her dp and toddler were staying at his parents and he ruined it by getting so drunk he spent all day throwing up and being hung over, posters would be tripping over themseleves to call him an arsehole.

Going out and ignoring you is a bit OTT but I understand his disappointment. Presumably he was left doing all the child care while you were out getting drunk and was probably up early with your dc too due to your hungover state. I would be looking forward to a night myself too.

Honestly, I think YABU for changing the plans. I've never had a hangover last until the evening. You said your DPs are having a party? Hair of the dog and you would have been fine!

I don't get why people are saying he has done/has to do all the childcare? He was in work half day from this morning, he came back for an hour or so and then went out. I've done ALL of the childcare today, and I'm putting DS to bed and will ofc be available should he need anything!
I've cancelled going to my parents as they're having a party and I'm not up to partying, but hangover or not- I can still look after DS.

Blimey, if a man had done this the whole of mn would be up in force telling the op to tuck off for a spa day leaving him to care for the kids.

Fuck not tuck, prudish autocorrect.

Based on your last post I don't know what he's bothered about if you've said you'll go up to bed once the toddler is in bed. He can still have his games night (nothing wrong with that either, it's not my bag but it doesn't make him a 'man-child' FFS).

He might just be a bit put out that you went out and got so drunk, even though it's not a regular occurrence. I'm not a sulker but I'll admit that if my DH got so drunk he was vomiting I wouldn't be very impressed. I know I'm in the minority on mn for feeling like that though. It's just all a bit undignified. It's probably that he's sulking about.

I can't stand people sulking and stropping when things don't go their way. Fair enough he doesn't quite get the evening he envisioned, so he's entitled to be mildly annoyed, but throwing a full on, storming off for hours tantrum is pathetic.

DP and I both love an evening to ourself, but if the other person cancelled their plans due to being ill (self inflicted or no) we'd behave like adults and make sure they were ok and then do our own thing once they were settled in bed sleeping it off. But then again we actually like each other so treating each other kindly isn't difficult.

Hmm, maybe he thought you'd feel better by the time he'd finished work, and is just pissed off his plans are now having to change?

I don't think anyone's saying his stropping isn't an overreaction, but I can understand him being disappointed that he's now got to modify his behaviour (keep the noise down, and still be in parent mode somewhat) instead of being able to completely switch off and relax.

YABU NOT of you.
Him for his over the top reaction
You for coming back so drunk so much so that the day itself has just been reduced to nothing as well as your DH missing out on his quiet time on his own.
It also means that tomorrow the organisation of the day to do the painting will be very different as you will both be in (well esp as he will have a toddler around when he will want to start painting)
I'm also owndeing what it has meant for your ds day (I'm assuming that if you are feeling so crap, then either your DH has had tinstep in a lot or he has spent more time in front of the TV etc... than usual - I wouldn't expect someone so hung over abke to look at a toddler adequately)

I would say the exact same thing if roles were reversed (unlike a lot of MNtters as you rightly pointed out)

Actually, if I had planned a cosy night in by myself to eat junk food, watch crap to and drink wine I'd be pretty annoyed.

In fact that's my plan tonight as DP is on a golf weekend. If he came home early I'd be annoyed!

Xpost
So you looked after your DC today in youR own.
What would you have done if you had an emergency and needed to drive? Do you really think you were up to do that if you weren't up to drive?

If the plan had always been for your DH to be away duinrg the day then YABVVVU to get drunk so much the might before. For the sake of your DC.

But I wouldn't throw a tantrum or sulk. More 'oh that's annoying! Oh well.'

"playing with his x-box" FFS so glad my OH is a man and not a man-boy
Don't be ridiculous. Gaming is a perfectly normal hobby enjoyed by countless adults.

My DP makes computer games. How dare the "man-boy" hold a position of responsibility in a creative industry

He's acting like a twat.

He can still play the x-box, but he'll still have to be mindful of the fact other people are in and sleeping. So he'll have to be quiet. He'll have to try not to disturb the OP when he gets into bed. He'll get disturbed in the morning when the op/toddler get up.

He had plans for a night to themselves and they've been changed by the OP's night to herself - he's entitled to be pissed off.

I love it when my husband takes the kids away and I have the house to myself. I'd be a bit gutted as well

Me too but I wouldn't act like the total prick OP's dude clearly is.

YABU and disrespectful to everyone!

I don't drive anyway. I didn't actually my DP was working today until I got up this morning. Otherwise I 100% would not have got in that state, for the sake of DS.
As I've said, I completely understand why he'd be pissed off. And I'm trying to make it up to him by making me and DS as invisible as possible and taking DS out tomorrow for the day. Yer I fucked up- but I'm trying to best to make sure that DP can have as much of the night that he wanted as possible (obviously I know it's not completely the same) and I've apologised sincerely several times.

*didnt know he was working