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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to stay in 'cause of my hangover?

109 replies

AndysBabyAnimal · 22/07/2017 16:34

Ok, so I already know that I am BU, but am I BVVVU? Is it really SO bad?

Basically I had plans for tonight to go to my parents and stay over with DS who's a toddler. DP didn't want to come as he wants to be up early tomorrow to paint the walls.
Last night after work I ended up going for some drinks with colleagues, I never ever do this and since having DS I go out rarely. I rang DP who was fine about it. Things got a bit out of hand last night and I ended up very drunk, to the point where I got in at 2am and was vomiting. All day today I've been throwing up and feeling very. Dry sorry for myself.
I've cancelled stayed over at my parents (they're having a party) as I just can't face t and feel horrendous. DM has been understanding and told me not to worry about it. But DP is absoltely furious with me because he says he wanted a night in on his Xbox and I've 'ruined it'. I only made the plan to go to my parents 3 days ago, and I didn't know how much he wanted me out of the way tonight before I cancelled. I get that he's disappointed, but I've apologised countless times and said I'll go to bed soon as DS is in bed, so he can still have his Xbox night. I'm getting the silent treatment, it's been going on for hours. He's being really cold and full on sulking. He 'nipped out' earlier in a strop and he's now been gone almost 2 hours. I rang him before to see when he'd be back and he said "I'll be out aslong as it takes." And cut me off.

Is me cancelling really so bad? I could understand if DM was upset as it's her I've cancelled on! But is DP BU to be so annoyed with me?

OP posts:
caffeinestream · 22/07/2017 17:53

I think he's acting more of a dick now you've explained things - that you looked after DS, that you're taking him out tomorrow etc.

He needs to accept things don't always go the way he wants them to and get over it, or he'll end up ruining his own weekend.

faithinthesound · 22/07/2017 17:56

He needs to accept things don't always go the way he wants them to

Fair enough if this had been an emergency, but it wasn't. It was OP being selfish and not bothering to think of anyone but herself, as she's admitted. Emergencies can't be helped, they happen and they're no one's fault. Hangovers CAN be helped, if they happen they're the fault of the person who chose to drink.

HarrySnotter · 22/07/2017 17:59

So he's having a tantrum because you are staying in. In your own house. He's being utterly pathetic and should be embarrassed by behaving like a fucking twat. Normal adults don't behave like this, they may be disappointed but that's about it so I'm afraid I think he's a total arsehole.

horsefeathers · 22/07/2017 18:03

Your behaviour wasn't ideal but you've apologised and made sure the impact on him is minimal. I love an empty house for the evening and would be slightly disappointed too, but he's behaving like an overgrown child. He can still have his Xbox evening to himself, so basically he's pitching a fit about having to play at a volume that won't disturb you guys, and the very slim chance that he might have to pitch in if his child wakes up. Diddums.

Seenoevil · 22/07/2017 18:05

I don't think you owe him at all and he's being way over the top.

You said you don't go out often and went abit ott on this occasion.. yes u been sick and feel like crap today... but it's not the end of the world, uv mentioned the toddler goes to bed no problem and your going to bed straight away as well so I don't see the problem.. he can sit in the front room all night and play his game still.

I wouldn't be apologetic that I'd got to pissed on a rare occasion when he can still play his game.

He's massively over reacting

BewareOfDragons · 22/07/2017 18:07

Your DH is entitled to be annoyed.

He is not entitled to strop and tantrum and completely over-react because you will be in the house tonight while he plays on his computer games.

You have still got on and looked after your child, as planned. And you still plan to stay out of the way.

His reaction is ridiculously over the top, and frankly, a bit concerning that such a minor annoyance has caused him to go off the deep end in this manner.

Stop apologizing to him. You have apologized, you meant it, and you're doing what is reasonable to let him get on with his evening of x-boxing. For him to expect more is ridiculous.

caffeinestream · 22/07/2017 18:07

Yes, but what is his tantrum going to achieve?

He was at work most of the day, and then went off on his own for two hours - it's not like he was looking after the child all day while OP slept and opted out.

Ohyesiam · 22/07/2017 18:11

In his does I would be disappointed, as I crave time alone. But I wouldn't act out like he is.

scottishdiem · 22/07/2017 18:13

I think he was really looking forward to time where no-one would interrupt so I can understand him being disappointed.

However, his reaction is totally over the top and I wonder of he is now more annoyed at himself than you but cant admit it?

Oh, and if you arent an adult gamer and cant understand it, do feck off with comments against it. No doubt us gamers can find something tedious and boring in your life that we are exceptionally grateful doesnt cross the threshold of our homes.

Original poster
AndysBabyAnimal · 22/07/2017 18:17

He's home now and is half talking to me. Still clearly annoyed with me, but maybe his epic mood is coming to an end.

OP posts:
Summerswallow · 22/07/2017 18:17

I can't believe some of these posts justifying hours of sulking and punishing over a change of plans! Sometimes plans change, that's life, I wouldn't make my husband feel unwanted if he decided to stay in when I thought he was going out, even if I had a secret 'would have been nice for a night in by myself' moment.

Sulking, punishing, making you apologise and creep around your own home,hiding in your bedroom? None of these are acceptable in a loving relationship, I am horrified at some of the justifying on here tonight.

ImperialBlether · 22/07/2017 18:20

I always cringe when I read about people apologising over and over again for such a small misdemeanour. One sincere apology should be enough.

BastardGoDarkly · 22/07/2017 18:30

I'd have told him to sort himself the fuck out by now op.

Still, its nearly bedtime Smile

ClopySow · 22/07/2017 18:41

Fuck im. Grumpy tosser.

Hope your hangover improves.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/07/2017 18:44

Sorry but my first thought was that his plans had nothing to do with an XBox. Especially him going out for 2 hours....

Original poster
AndysBabyAnimal · 22/07/2017 18:55

No it is to do with his Xbox, he really loves his own time and that's what he likes to do best if he's completely on his own as he doesn't get much chance to spend hours on end with it. I'm not a gaming fan and he knows this, so would've been revelling in the opportunity. And he went out to get paint etc, I spoke to him whilst he was out and he was clearly in a shop. I wasn't expecting him to be 2 hours, but I can imagine him deliberately spending ages in B&Q just to stay away from me for a bit tbh.
I really really really don't think there's anything suspicious to it. He's just very grumpy!

OP posts:
Huffletuff · 22/07/2017 18:59

His reaction was bizarre.

The comments about gaming being childish are more bizarre. I'm a 35 year old woman and like nothing better than an evening on my Xbox or Playstation. DH and I have an Xbox each, so we can game together. We enjoy socialising with friends through games and for those who think it's childish - you watch movies, right? Read books? Most games these days have amazing storylines that you actually interact with instead of mindlessly sitting in front of a screen watching a film. Adults having a dig at other adults because of their hobbies or interests are pathetic. If we all liked the same thing, life would be incredibly boring. Plus being a gamer makes me a "really cool" teacher which is incredibly helpful in working with disadvantaged teenagers Wink

Summerswallow · 22/07/2017 19:00

So, why couldn't the conversation have gone:

Him 'you were out late last night!'
You 'yes, ugh, I feel terrible, sorry, I've cancelled going to my mums, I can't face it, I'll stay here if you don't mind, I know you were hoping for a night in with the Xbox, I'll keep out of your way'
Him 'ok...you do look rough!'

It is not normal to sulk and grump for an entire day cos your partner went out and had a rare night out and changed plans the next day. I think he's punishing you for daring to go out and enjoy yourself with your friends til 2am. Make you think twice next time, eh?

LowGravity · 22/07/2017 19:08

What would you have done if you had an emergency and needed to drive? Do you really think you were up to do that if you weren't up to drive?

Really Hmm You do know not everyone drives or owns a car right? Including the OP it seems. Oh and there's these things called taxis and ambulances for emergencies. Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel.

ChristmasFluff · 22/07/2017 19:09

Thing is, as Huffletuff says, Xbox is more than just gaming, the social aspect means it can be a bit Plenty of Fish for gamers. I'd be worried that he was annoyed because it would mean that me being there would be interrupting what he had been planning to do without me there. Unless you constantly interrupt his games, and would let him spend a games day/night, what could that be?

Huffletuff · 22/07/2017 19:16

Plenty of Fish for gamers?

In many, many years of gaming, I have never experienced this and neither have my female friends. The men are usually more interested in actually playing the games.

I do however get lots of messages telling me to back to the kitchen etc when I'm better at a game than a bloke, which happens fairly often Smile

XiCi · 22/07/2017 19:35

OP you have done nothing wrong. You had a rare night out and enjoyed yourself. You don't feel 100% today and understandably don't want to go to another party. Not a big deal.

Your DH is acting like a complete twat. I can understand other posters saying he had plans other than gaming because it was such an extreme reaction. Sulking for hours, really? I bet you have to put up with this sort of childish shit alot.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/07/2017 20:23

Huffle I have a gender neutral, perhaps verging slightly on blokey, name for the online games I play. When I didnt I was told to get back to the kitchen, or to fuck off and leave gaming to men Hmm

Funnily enough that was only when I beat them too!

And as Xi said, it was just such an extreme reaction that it was hard to believe it was over gaming.

Huffletuff · 22/07/2017 21:45

Pyong I have a very obviously female gamertag, hence constant abuse if I'm winning. Quite ridiculous. Then there's the other extreme where I get suggestive private messages or friends requests from people I don't know. It's a shame some spoil it for women gamers.

Witsender · 22/07/2017 21:54

He needs to grow up, seriously. I can understand being peeved, but he is acting like an overgrown toddler and I would have zero patience for it.

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