DH doesn't Iike cooking for me

[OverTheHammer]

We both work so share the cooking but lately DH has been against cooking for me because I've become vegetarian and because I need to know exactly what he's put in my meals so that I can count the calories.

Yesterday he made me veggie steak, chips and mushroom sauce but got cross when I asked exactly how many onions and how many mushrooms were used in my meal so that I could work out the calories. He says it's all too much and he'd rather not do it.

Is this justified?

It's like anything else - if it's causing problems in the rest of your life, it's a problem.

It's upsetting you and making you feel stressed and anxious if you don't know how many calories are in something and has become an issue between you and your partner - which means it's a problem.

Counting calories in itself is fine. The level of upset and anxiety you're experiencing is not fine, particularly if it's impacting on other people as well as you.

OP doesn't need to lose weight for health reasons.

Rather than focusing on MFP, criticising your body and getting even thinner, perhaps reflect on your body image and why you're on this path, and your (physical and mental) health, strength and fitness. Work goals. Relationship.

OP have you worked out your BMR( Basal Metabolic Rate)? If you look at how many calories you burn whilst resting it can really help put your mind at rest.
I was using MFP for 3 years of being an obsessive eater, I dropped from 13st(post pregnancy) to 9.5st in the first year but the fear of putting anything on made me continue, I would only ever eat half a meal or item of food in fear that I was eating too much. I thought this was normal for 3 years so it not something you realise straight away. Id set my calorie goal for 1,200 but would rarely let myself eat more than 800, I would have 1 cheat day but would starve myself all day to have 3 slices of a dominoes pizza and a can of coke. Just be careful OP, its a slippery slope.

YABU.

DW goes though phases of telling me that I'm not to use any animal fats i the food. No butter, and every bit of non-meat should be trimmed off.

I just ignore her. I'm cooking for the whole family and I haven't the time or patience.

To your aibu. Yes you are but not intentionally or to just be a PITA - I understand all too well how addictive MFP is! If you have a slowcooker, prep it all the night before then cook throughout the day ready for when you arrive home from work.

OP, you say you're just trying to lose weight for your holiday. Honestly, do you think that after you reach your target weight / after your holiday that you'll stop obsessively calorie counting and worrying about your weight? If not, then you do have a problem I'm afraid.

I bet you had a massive calorie deficit yesterday. Are you aiming for 500 calories below your MFP target? You did 3 lots of exercise, did you log it? If you're aiming for a net intake of under 1000 when you're already BMI 21 you're not being especially sensible.

caill because you don't need to cut TVPs throat before you put it on your plate?
Is it not obvious?

Whether or not you have a bad relationship with food is one thing, but seriously, what a miserable way to live!

I would hate that I couldn't enjoy a meal as I'm stressing out about the number of onions in it. You can take a more relaxed approach to food and still be slim and healthy.

YABVVVU.

If you must be so rigid, give him a precise (and straight forward) recipe to follow.

Your fear is out of proportion Hammer and I think you could do with some help with it.

op you're the same height and weight as I was pre pregnancy. My gp suggested that I was on the verge of unhealthy. I did a lot of exercise and watched what I ate. I didn't calorie count though just made sensible some would say crazy choices.

I've put on 9kg since being pregnant. Look and feel better than I ever did. Hair nails skin etc. And I'm happy with my weight. Having to eat a smidge more because the baby needs it (not eating for 2 just a smidge more) and maybe being less strict has helped enormously.

I wouldn't cook for you either OP. In fact I'd leave my DW if she became veggie. Can't be dealing with that shit.

Yabu to expect him to support your eating disorder

How are you measuring the calories you've burned? Even in lab conditions measurements are only accurate to around 10% +/- so being so obsessive around your precise intake is a complete waste of time.

Yabu to expect him to support your eating disorder

Wow, why does everything have to labelled a disorder. Sometimes its just preference. Trying to convince someone they have a disorder when (I assume) most of you are not qualified to can be quite dangerous, actually. (Self fulfilling prophecy?)

Because there are massive alarm bells ringing in the op's posts and some of us either have medical training or experience with eating disorders and recognise the issues.

Op you need to get this sorted now before it turns into a bigger problem. Being unable to relax if you haven't done 500 cal worth of exercise is worrying. Being unable to eat minimal calorie foods without counting is worrying. Already thinking about setting lower targets when you're in the healthy range is worrying.

Obsessive weighing and tracking is one thing. It also looks like you're switching to/including obsessive exercise - three lots in one day?! Tell me this was unusual.

I'd also challenge you when you say maintenance is easy. With your kind of mindset it's going to be anything but. The language you have used throughout this thread is a real giveaway

I have a morbid fear
If I don't burn more than 500 calories more than I eat I feel anxious and guilty
I'm doing resistance training to tone up and daily cardio to enable me to not feel so bad about the food intake
Some days I even go over (shock horror!) but when I do, I feel like shit.
I can't just eat what I want and end up overweight, it would do me in.
I don't think I could cope with not logging everything I eat now
I've already considered setting 9st 7lbs as my new target when I reach this one
I just don't see how I can stop that now as it will be on my mind that I'm eating too much
I felt huge, ugly, ogre-ish

Lots of people go on diets all the time, often to lose weight for holidays/special occasions - and lots of people track their progress.

But the emotional overlay for you suggests that this is far more than just an 'ordinary' diet.

Step back a bit, re-read your posts. This is much more than just your DH worrying about what to cook for you.

... and he is not being unreasonable at all. I'd also suggest that he's probably a lot more than just cross about having to cook for you - have you talked to him about what you're doing to yourself?

when I asked exactly how many onions and how many mushrooms were used in my meal so that I could work out the calories

You were being rude. Someone cooked what sounds like a delicious meal for you (there's a win, right there), and you responded like this?

YABU.

Have now read the rest of the thread, and - as other pps have said, you sound very much on the edge of an anorexic disorder. Please do something about this - please, step back from your obsession with calories - it's really not an exact science.

If you are 5ft10 and 10st6lb you are super slim already!!!

Agree with others, i'd speak to a gp op.

Cailleach666 because we do. Next stupid question?

Branleuse charming. Most partners support their loved ones to overcome their problems.

Those of you who are sneering about this? Fuck off. If you've never had an eating disorder, think yourselves lucky. It's a mental health issue. The stigma of mental illness will never be removed whilst so many people still have such shitty attitudes towards it.

@OverTheHammer, you have an eating disorder. You may not want to accept it at the moment, which I fully understand, but maybe if someone had told me bluntly instead of just ignoring the issue, I might have got help instead of wrecking my digestive system and metabolism. Please get some help.

DP used to be trying to gain weight and would constantly ask "how many powers, how many table spoons of oil, how many tins of tomatoes" etc.

Did my head right in!

If you did 3 lots of exercise and ate a total of 1594 calories today then you did not eat enough. You know that MFP works on you eating back your exercise calories right?

It's been a long time since I used MFP but I did so for 4 years, lost 5 stone and maintained it (until I got pregnant and then hey life happens). I appreciate that it can become obsessive. But the way you talk about food, exercise and weight is not healthy. Nor is counting bloody onion

And actually, @OvertheHammer, you do know that you have a dysfunctional relationship with food.

An advanced search throws up this from you:

I've never been really over weight but I have been close.

Now I have a BMI of 21 but I do have to work at it. I log everything I eat in MFP and ensure I meet my protein and fibre goals whilst ensuring I don't overdo the fat and carbs. I limit myself to 1500 calories a day and have been doing this successfully for years so it's not a fad diet and I'm happy with it.

I'm starting the gym today so I'll be able to increase my calorie intake a bit, even though I find I'm never really hungry on 1500.

I feel great but I do have food issues so probably put too much thought into my diet than is psychologically healthy.

So you're not dieting to go on holiday, nor are you worried about what you'll do when you get to maintenance, as you're already there!

And then this, which shows that you've already set a new target for yourself:

... it's so much easier knowing you only have 3/4 pounds to lose before reaching target! Then when you reach target, set a new goal like I did this morning 😁 stealth boast alert

Sorry for the ASing, but I think you are being at best disingenuous on this post - at worst, in denial about your situation.