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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn't Iike cooking for me

150 replies

OverTheHammer · 21/07/2017 23:06

We both work so share the cooking but lately DH has been against cooking for me because I've become vegetarian and because I need to know exactly what he's put in my meals so that I can count the calories.

Yesterday he made me veggie steak, chips and mushroom sauce but got cross when I asked exactly how many onions and how many mushrooms were used in my meal so that I could work out the calories. He says it's all too much and he'd rather not do it.

Is this justified?

OP posts:
Ollivander84 · 22/07/2017 03:22

YABU - a bit! I count and use MFP but I don't count any veg unless it's something with more calories like sweet corn. I count bananas and apples but not the odd berry
I'm losing still. What I do which might help a bit is allow say 100 cals for veg/milk in tea/seasonings etc and keep that "spare"

DevilsDumplings · 22/07/2017 03:55

Yabu... Onions and mushrooms are practically calorie free. Do it yourself if you need that degree of accuracy.

Loopytiles · 22/07/2017 06:49

Your posts are sad and concerning. With a BMI of 21, you are fearful of becoming overweight, counting everything and actively seeking to reduce BMI to under 20. You think you look "fatter" than you want to look. Anxious about having more calories than you want to allow yourself and exercising lots (which is fine if for health, but sounds like it's for weight loss). Not good OP.

araiwa · 22/07/2017 06:59

Who are all these people stating op has eating disorders??? Confused

Calorie counting is an effective diet and far better than most fad diets. Is everyone on a diet suffering from a disorder? Hmm

KimmySchmidt1 · 22/07/2017 07:06

I think from his point of view he would like a thank you but instead is getting a cross examination, so yes Yabu. It is annoying for him.

Also, mushrooms have no calories and chips have shit loads so rather than counting the calories in the chips maybe don't have any if you want to lose weight.

Original poster
OverTheHammer · 22/07/2017 07:27

I weigh the chips, 50g of oven chips and sweet chilli sauce is under 100 calories and feels like a treat.

I appreciate appreciate everyone's concern but I honestly don't agree that I have a disorder. I think looking at the likes of avocado and puréed fruit as "syns" is far more disordered. I use real olive oil in all my cooking, lots of veg (which DOES have calories) and track my protein, carbs, fibre and fat to ensure I get enough of everything on a daily basis. Yes I'm a little obsessive but it works for me.

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 22/07/2017 07:30

But mushrooms and onions don't even have calories

Original poster
OverTheHammer · 22/07/2017 07:35

Of course they do! All food has calories. Albeit not a lot but they're still there

OP posts:
Original poster
OverTheHammer · 22/07/2017 07:36

A large onion has 30 calories. Mushrooms are tiny amounts so yes I suppose I could lighten up a bit on that but I'd rather just know what I'm consuming. These small amounts add up.

OP posts:
WomblingThree · 22/07/2017 07:37

MFP is touted so often as the answer to weight problems, and yet it is a huge problem for people with obsessive tendencies. If you follow it to the letter, it literally does require you to count bloody mushrooms. You get into a ridiculous mindset of somehow "beating" it, by eating less than you are "allowed" or less than yesterday, or saving up your calories for a stupid "treat" as in the OPs case. That carefully weighed portion of M&Ms is a slippery slope, as is working out how long you have to exercise for to burn them off.

Now obviously not everyone using MFP has an eating disorder, that's way too simplistic, but as I said if you have obsessive or compulsive tendencies, or history of disordered eating, it is all too easy to let bloody MFP take over your life.

As a former sufferer of eating disorders, I tried MFP a couple of years ago as I'd piled on so much weight. After about a month, I realised that I was falling back into old habits, and seeing how few calories I could eat in a day. There is no healthy diet on earth that requires you to worry about how many fucking onions there are in a sauce, while still eating chips.

Loopytiles · 22/07/2017 07:39

In OP's case it's dull and uneccessary, at best. No wonder DH is pissed off.

TathitiPete · 22/07/2017 07:44

I guess people who haven't been there don't understand. That must be great, it sounds very relaxing.

It is a bit of a shame though that some people will dismiss 'just coz someone counts calories' 'does everyone who's on a diet have a disorder' 'I count calories and I'm not obsessed therefore everyone in the whole wide world is exactly like me and no one is any different at all in the slightest' even though people with experience of these these things have confirmed that some people DO have a very disordered, distorted way of thinking when it comes to these things.

I've never had a broken leg therefore I don't ever believe anyone who says they've broken their leg.

Only1scoop · 22/07/2017 07:54

Oh dearConfused

Original poster
OverTheHammer · 22/07/2017 07:55

Yes I do use MFP and it's so bloody addictive - I don't think I could cope with not logging everything I eat now. I hope that once I reach my target I can relax and stop counting everything (maintenance is easier than losing!).

My only concern (and I'm being brutally honest here so go easy!) is that once I hit target, I'll be tempted to set myself a new target and carry on. I've already considered setting 9st 7lbs as my new target when I reach this one but my head is arguining with itself on it. ("That's going too far" "no it would still be within healthy range" "yes but very much towards the lower end of healthy" "yes but why wouldn't you want to be at the lower end? Thin is everything!" Etc etc

OP posts:
greendale17 · 22/07/2017 07:56

YABU- you don't have a weight problem but you weigh onions and mushrooms? Really?

Saiman · 22/07/2017 07:58

Op you sound like. Mebi do exactly the same.

My eating is disordered. When dh cooks he will tell me whats in it. But will not weigh it. He gives approximate weights.

It doesnt matter if a whole onion has 30 calories. You didnt eat anywhere near a whole onion.

Dh would tell me he had, say, put half an onion in. Then i would divide that by 4 (4 of us eat at one meal time) at first it would stress me out because i would be thinking 'what if i got more of the onion than dh' now i just accept i probably have about a quarter.

It doesnt sound like an improvment. But for me it is. I still log everything but not getting stressed put about the small things has improved my life. I am trying to make small improvments.

Guess what, not knowing exactly hoe many grams of onions are in my food has made me gain zero weight, if fact i lost a bit in the last 3 months for a wedding. But still a healthy weight.

Original poster
OverTheHammer · 22/07/2017 08:04

Saiman- I'm exactly the same! I divide onions into 4 like that. I just don't see how I can stop that now as it will be on my mind that I'm eating too much

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/07/2017 08:06

I don't blame him, this would annoy me too!
Sorry.

BlueSofaPinkLamp · 22/07/2017 08:06

You were where I was mentally with food a few years ago, it didn't take much for it to spiral into an eating disorder. Two years of cbt and therapy and I'm only just coming out the other side.

I'm not saying that you have an eating disorder but it is a very slippery slope.

Loopytiles · 22/07/2017 08:10

Why is "thin everything"?

Your BMI is 21. You are already slim. The new goal weight you're thinking of would be underweight.

Lalalax3 · 22/07/2017 08:12

OP I'm sorry but weighing your chips is going beyond simply being health conscious. And controlling your intake to the extent that you do in order to be able to live with yourself is the very definition itself of disordered eating.

Original poster
OverTheHammer · 22/07/2017 08:13

I don't know Loopy, I'm sure there must be a psychological reason for me thinking that way. I remember when I was a teen and all the other girls were 5ft nothing, in size 8 clothes and weighed 7stone. I was 5ft 10, in size 12 clothes and weighed 10stone. I felt huge, ugly, ogre-ish. Maybe it's a throwback from those days.

OP posts:
Ecureuil · 22/07/2017 08:14

He don't have an eating disorder! Honestly I still cave and eat takeaway/crisps/chocolate like anyone else. I'm just making a conscious effort not to!

TBH I'd be a bit miffed if I went to the effort of weighting DH's onions and mushrooms and he then had a takeaway.
When I was losing weight DH did weigh stuff for me, e.g. Cheese. Veg was vague... 'a handful of spinach' for example.

Saiman · 22/07/2017 08:15

Op. Both you and i have disordered eating. Its not a shameful thing. But needs to be acknowledged so you can being fixing it. Fixing it doesnt mean putting on weight.

There is really no difference between 20g or onion and 30g of onion.

Cailleach666 · 22/07/2017 08:15

Why do some vegetarians want their food to look like meat? Vegetarian steak? Fake bacon? What's that all about?