Do not read if you're a stepmum hater, you'll hate me even more ....

[betteroffwithouthim]

We usually have OH's children EOW and two days in the week. This is a long term arrangement that works relatively well.

Their mother works approx. 12 hours per week and is essentially a bone idle, entitled moaning old witch who will find any excuse to feel the victim. She is “exhausted” and has asked us to have the kids extra in the school holidays so she can have a rest! WTAF, both me and OH work long full time hours. Both children are teenagers and more than capable of looking after themselves for a few hours whilst she works. They will be bored stupid at ours but we’ve had far too many rows for me to argue anymore. OH has argued that its his parental responsibility to look after them extra in the holidays and that’s the end of that.

Anyway, we have them for 7 nights out of the next 8, with them supposed to be going back to their mother for one evening. She has “misunderstood” and has made plans for that night, meaning we have them for 8 nights. We hadn’t made plans, we were just going to enjoy not having the children around for one night.

OH is a spineless wanker at times and won’t go back to her and argue the point. I want to shout and scream but instead I’ll post on here.

I know i'll get flamed to death but need to air this here rather than in real life when it'll end up in a horrible row.

Why would he be liable for half the childcare costs? I thought the NRP paid their maintenance and then the RP used that towards the child's costs.

OP you say 'why can't she look after her own kids'

Here's the thing YOU don't have to look after them, but their dad does - they're half his kids too.

You chose to be with him, knowing he had kids, so you really have two options - either suck it up OR you can always go away when they are staying and leave him to it.

Because poster, they are his and her kids, not mine!!!! I work 60 hours a week, she works 12, why can't she look after her own kids?

You shouldn't have to look after them, no. But if their dad is shuffling off responsibility for that, and getting you to do it instead of him, then the person you need to talk to about that is him. He should be the one taking on extra work/supervision related to his children when they are around, not you.

If what you mean is, why do I have to have them here more than we already do, then you need to find a new partner without children. Because he sounds like he's a good dad, and that is thankfully unlikely to change.

If you only have them every other weekend and one overnight (I am assuming that is what 2 days means?) in term times, and a few weeks of the holidays (half the holidays?) then really that is standard dad time. I don't really see what the problem is.

Dear all please look at her thread Life post goals she is running rings round everyone.

Why would he be liable for half the childcare costs?

Why shouldn't a working parent expect to pay half of their own child's childcare costs if they aren't providing the care themselves?

Incidentally, if they're both teenagers then this is a situation that has a very restricted shelf life. They will go to college in all likelihood, so his child support payments will end. Spousal maintenance these days is only intended to get someone back on their financial feet so she will be expected to get back into the workplace again and the payments will cease. He's right to want them there as much as possible because kids grow up incredibly fast, and before you know it they'll have flown both nests. Is it worth world war three over a few nights here and there over another 4 or 5 years, tops?

I agree ginger

I worked 10 hours this week and i am knackered

Apparently feeling tired makes you lazy...who knew!!

It is irrelevant how many hours the ex works, because this is a man who wants to have his kids more and sees it as his responsibility as their parent regardless of what his ex does.

OP has no business trying to interfere in or disrupt his relationship with his children. She acknowledges herself that she only sticks around because she would struggle to find somewhere decent to live without his financial input (despite complaining about him financially supporting his kids). OP seems willing to cause drama and hostility in the lives of two children because she doesn't want to lower her standard of living.

ExW sounds precious and she is the one making the kids feel unwanted

Why because she thinks the dad should do his fair share in the hols? That's what parenting is, splitting the responsibilities. The dad is happy with the arrangement and wants to look after his kids. It's only the op wh has an issue. However to be fair to her she was clear from the outset with him she didn't want to be involved with his kids and he should not have got involved with her knowing this as much as she shouldn't have got involved with him knowing she couldn't handle being with the kids.

From her other posts, all on this, The op isn't married and this is a relatively recent relationship. Only about 2.5 years. Her and the 13 year old daughter barely communicate, even when she stays. The husband wants the son to move in with him, she doesn't want it. She said she was leaving and only there because she can't afford to leave. She has issues with how much financial support he gives his ex too. The relationship is volatile and the partner is angry with her and her attitude to his kids.

Overall it's a very very bad situation and no one is happy. It really would be best for all concerned if you left op. I'm sorry.

But you've been posting about your situation...which is where people have got their information, so it's either true or it's not?! 🙄

Like I said in my post yesterday, you know where the door is, so pack your bags and walk through it. All of this hate you clearly have for your partner's, his children and his ex is just toxic. Nothing in the world and no matter how much you bitch and moan will change the fact that your partner has kids. And he ALWAYS will. Even when they are adults they will remain a huge factor in your partner's life. This relationship is not working for you and it never will. Do yourself the biggest favor of your life and just LEAVE.

betteroff erm, we know because you've told us
We have so far learned the following, via your own posts:

He has kids, he wants to see them and have them staying in his (their) home. You do not want anything to do with his children, of which he told you he had from the beginning. You don't want any part in their upbringing. You think your DP should pro rata the amount of time he spends with them in accordance with the hours he works. Wanting to see them because he loves them and wants them around means that he's spineless/giving in. You are unhappy in the relationship and would leave if you had somewhere to go. His ex is apparently lazy, a witch, etc etc and yet, you have never met her.

Did we all misunderstand that whole load of vile shit?!

Gingergenius thanks for making my point, it's not what I've posted, its others personal opinion and interpretation of what I've said twisted to suit their agenda.

And what is the collective agenda? Nothing to do with the way you have presented yourself?

I'm confused! Are there two people on MN with the username @betteroffwithouthim ?

Thanks for your opinions on me and what a twat I am. Very few have shared any thoughts on the mother who works limited hours and doesn't want her kids around as it's interfering in her new relationship. She who'll send them off to anyone who'll have them. She who could work much more but would rather not. Cheers.

Gingergenius you're not are you?

It's very interesting how everyone knows so much about this situation?! Half of what is claimed about me is untrue in the extreme. I am entitled to my opinion just as you are yours

So what is untrue because I'm REALLY confused!!!

Would you like to borrow my handbag @betteroffwithouthim ?

I have not been rude to you, I have actually been measured and balanced in my response to you. So ditch the attitude. The hours the ex wife works are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

The mother is irrelevant. Your partner WANTS to see his kids. And if the mother really is so feckless and uncaring about them all the more reason for their father to step up.

Also do you really not see the irony of claiming the mother is putting her new relationship ahead of her kids whilst simultaneously expecting your partner to do exactly that?

Now you are just drip feeding. Probably because this thread has been largely critical of your behaviour.

I agree with ginger

I haven't read the other threads but if people are lying about the information you have given it may be better to report

And now the mother is in a new relationship and wants to get rid of the children...that may have been better in the opening post

To be fair, I think the clue is in the thread title!!

Cross post with avoiding