Do not read if you're a stepmum hater, you'll hate me even more ....

[betteroffwithouthim]

We usually have OH's children EOW and two days in the week. This is a long term arrangement that works relatively well.

Their mother works approx. 12 hours per week and is essentially a bone idle, entitled moaning old witch who will find any excuse to feel the victim. She is “exhausted” and has asked us to have the kids extra in the school holidays so she can have a rest! WTAF, both me and OH work long full time hours. Both children are teenagers and more than capable of looking after themselves for a few hours whilst she works. They will be bored stupid at ours but we’ve had far too many rows for me to argue anymore. OH has argued that its his parental responsibility to look after them extra in the holidays and that’s the end of that.

Anyway, we have them for 7 nights out of the next 8, with them supposed to be going back to their mother for one evening. She has “misunderstood” and has made plans for that night, meaning we have them for 8 nights. We hadn’t made plans, we were just going to enjoy not having the children around for one night.

OH is a spineless wanker at times and won’t go back to her and argue the point. I want to shout and scream but instead I’ll post on here.

I know i'll get flamed to death but need to air this here rather than in real life when it'll end up in a horrible row.

GirlOnATrainToShite your husband and you ex just get lumped in together. The fact is they are very different but as NRP they are classed as the same.

Jane I think the hours she works is relevant if kids are off school and need supervision, she is around most of the week so can supervise. If they don't need supervision then why the fuss?

granny yes on MN that's true sadly.

OP you have made clear on your other threads that your stepson moving in is a deal breaker for you, despite it being what your partner wants. Why do you think that your desire to recapture the nice early days of your relationship, or your difficult financial position if you move out, should allow you to try to interfere in his relationship with his children? Why do you think your wants, as an adult, should come before a child's needs?

Fabulous

Great post . And fuck then and their 200 walking sticks . I would honestly rather be in your shoes (as hard as they might be) as you have the things that matter

Just wanted to reply as it was a long post

@betteroffwithouthim
If you have such a great relationship with your OHs DC why is it a 'deal breaker' to have them live with you full time.

I am not a step parent hater my issue with your situation is that you think it would be ok for any DC you may have to live with your OH full time but not OHs existing DC - why is that please?

OP

I notice you studiously ignore people who support your right to feel the way you do, but think it's time you sat or got off the pot

shat

I haven't ignored the supportive posts, I have thanked them throughout for any helpful advice! I have read every post and have gained some great advice. I ignore a lot of what you @NotYoda say as it's neither helpful or interesting much as @janeidmymiddlename spouts repetitive dullness. But thanks to all who've taken the time to respond, it's an interesting forum and useful if it avoids real life distress.

Fabulous - thank you very much a very interesting response giving a balanced view from the biomum.

I understand your frustration with OH's ex. It's impossible for us to really know, but it sounds like she is BU. However your choice is

1. fully welcome your step children into your life and choose to love them as if they were your own. Tell them they are welcome to stay as long as they like.
2. live your life resenting the time they are with you. Count down the days until they leave. Consider looking after them to be a sacrifice. Argue that they should be with their mum more often.
3. Leave

I am not a twat!

You actually are.

Very few have shared any thoughts on the mother who works limited hours and doesn't want her kids around as it's interfering in her new relationship

Probably because it's irrelevant. She's asked the father, he's agreed and that's all that matter really.

I've told my side of the story and people are reading between lines and making up their own opinions based on things I have not said.

I think you'll find that people are forming opinions on exactly what you've said. You just don't like being pulled up on your shit attitude. I suspect you know this and that is why you've pre-empted with the 'stepmum hater' remark

You're welcome

I don't really get what this thread is all about! It seems that the real problem you have OP is that you and the kids' dad don't share the same view. Now, if it really is a deal breaker for you then it's time to move out. Frankly teens are difficult for all of us, and the last thing your step kids or their dad needs is more drama with you not knowing whether to stay or go. If money is the issue then you will have to just suck it up for the moment surely.

Just read Girlonatrain's post. To do like she has done and fully welcome her stepchildren is a big commitment. Almost like being a foster parent. What I meant in my previous post is that if you embrace your role and ditch the resentment, you will be happier.

lifetothefull

I agree - when I struggle I do always tell myself that I chose this - they did not.

I do love the posters who say it's none of her business if he has his kids or not, it's between the parents.

Of course it's her business if she's sharing a home with them.

Unless she's some sort of robot, she will at the very least be interracting with them and inevitably some of the practical support will fall to her. Extra people, make extra mess. Let's face it grunting teens aren't always a barrel of laughs to be around.

But as long as Mum gets a rest and plenty of financial support, that's ok then. 🙄

Why don't you go back to where you were before you moved to be with him?

You say she's bone idle but she also works. So does she work or not?!

Thanks @themauvehen I think you hit the nail on the head there.

It's none of my business but they sat down to eat the meal I prepared after work yesterday at 8.30, they played their loud music until they were asked very politely to turn it down at 11. They've used my bathroom products and not left me anything and taken items with them today that belong to me without asking. But it's nothing to do with me, I chose this life and I should just put up with it or shut up. Meanwhile mother is enjoying her child free time safe in the knowledge she doesn't have to work until Wednesday or look after her children until next weekend.

First few posts and the word "witch" us being bandied about? Brilliant. Will be able to resist reading the rest.

...is

Meanwhile mother is enjoying her child free time safe in the knowledge she doesn't have to work until Wednesday or look after her children until next weekend.

This is what's really bugging me about your post. All of your complaints have absolutely nothing to do with the the ex by you are constantly making it about her.

If you have problems with the children, tell them not to use your stuff. Ask them not to take things, discuss with your OH about how to deal with it. So fucking what if she is enjoying her child free time? Your OH has agreed and actively wanted the children there, so if you have an issue it's with him, not her.

What's with this 'biomum' shit? Isn't she just the mother.
And you just the fathers girlfriend? So no need to add in the 'bio'

No matter what you say about how well treated you claim they are by you, there is NO WAY they don't know how you feel.

I am far from a 'stepmother hater'. More like a 'shit stepmother hater' My children atually have a stepmother. My children love her. My youngest recently spent a couple of days with her whilst their father was away. I don't have much to do with her but my children like her and she welcomed them wholeheartedly into her life and her home. Good enough for me

@Spare you're very angry aren't you? I'm their step mum and his partner. She's their biological mother and he has virtually no contact with her preferring to make arrangements with the kids. When the kids are old enough she will cease to exist in his life, yes believe it or not that will happen.