Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand parents crying at the end of infant school

311 replies

SEsofty · 20/07/2017 15:59

So today my eldest left infant school, and will be continuing onto the junior school along with ninety percent of the year.

I was surrounded by parents crying their eyes out, incredibly upset. I simply don't understand.

So could someone please explain to me why lots of people are crying simply because their child is going onto the next year of school.

Aibu to not understand?

OP posts:
Branleuse · 21/07/2017 07:23

I always cry at this sort of thing. I cry at school concerts, plays, and definitely leavers assemblies. Sometimes when its not even my kid. I'm a sap!

Ktown · 21/07/2017 07:24

I can understand feeling a bit emotional but all out sobbing is ridiculous. What do these people do when they have a real problem? Cry and scream? Since the uk went all emotional after Diana's death it hasn't seemed to have recovered and pulled itself together.

Katedotness1963 · 21/07/2017 07:36

This has been quite a nasty thread, but then again all these "to not understand why..." threads always have a horrible tinge of superiority about them. Who really gives a shit if people cry/like scented candles/wear Pandora/have tattoos/like glitter/etc, etc, etc?

TroutySnouts · 21/07/2017 07:45

Are you a robot?

barefoofdoctor · 21/07/2017 07:56

Competitive emotional incontinence.

IveGotBillsTheyreMultiplying · 21/07/2017 08:09

I'm sure people are just wired up differently. I'm often moved to tears by music or art but didn't really cry when my dad died. I just felt a deep pain or emptiness instead.

Some people need a lot of excitement to keep them, happy; others are never bored.

Some people keep calm through a difficult day;others have a short fuse.

Brains are complex things and behaviour is learned, inherited and affected by all sorts:sleep deprivation, hormones, hydration, nutrition, previous experience, caffeine...

Vive la différence Smile

TrinityTaylor · 21/07/2017 08:22

People should be crying crying tears of HAPPINESS that they get to see their child grow up at all. Not sob and wring their hands that their only seeming purpose in life is slipping away from them. I think some parents put their entire being into their kids when they're small and their increasing independence is almost an insult to them.

Mulledwine1 · 21/07/2017 08:29

I'm with you OP, I don't get it either. I see it as something to celebrate, not cry over. Have got child safely to age of 5/7/11/16/18 whatever.

I didn't cry when I started school either - apparently I said to my mum "you're not coming in with me are you" and went in quite happily.

Clearly don't have a heart :)

AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/07/2017 08:31

I'm crying over this thread. I am hugely empathetic & really take others upset on board.

I'm not at all surprised by the nasty comments, it's just a shame people feel the need to be so scathing & dismissive.

It's ok though Kate, I'd much rather be like us, than them.

I cried at the Year 6 leavers ceremony last week. About 70% of them have been together since they were two & anyone joinging inbetween has been part of the schoool family so quickly that it's hard to imagine them not always having been there. 65 of them on stage. About 65% percent going to the Senior School, but they'll go from a three class to four class year, so lots of new girls joining.

It was bittersweet wondering where their lives will take them all and wondering which ones we will still know when they're adults. Good friendships changing with people moving or just moving to schools much further away & the time & opportunity to stay friends with so many people unlikely.

It's a really, really lovely school where the teachers really help them become lovely rounded individuals & focus on the girls as much as the academics.

She will miss her friends who are moving away, her teachers, the other staff and the home from home feeling. I'll miss her having that, I'll miss the staff & the other parents.

So frankly, feck anyone who can't understand why it's upsetting & why I was unable to stop the tears rolling down my face whilst still being so very proud of all of them having achieved so much & excited about the next step & the future for them.

colleysmill · 21/07/2017 08:36

Normally I'm pretty hard hearted but ds1 left infants this year and I felt a little bit emotional at the leavers assembly. But for us it is a big thing as the junior school is a totally separate school.

TrinityTaylor · 21/07/2017 08:41

It's ok though Kate, I'd much rather be like us, than them.

Oh for gods sake, how do you cope in real bloody life??!!

BarbarianMum · 21/07/2017 08:48

Are you incapable of experiencing mixed emotions then Trinity? If so, well no you are not going to understand this one. Don't worry about it.

PS this is real life

randomer · 21/07/2017 08:51

Didn't know it was us and them. I am empathic but for the sake of my MH keep a lid on some feelings.

Gottagetmoving · 21/07/2017 08:58

Sometimes a feeling of pride in your child's progress can make you cry. It's not always because you are sad.
Day to day you don't notice how your child is growing and changing but there are occasions, like the last day of infants or primary school when it hits you and catches you by surprise.
I am not an overly emotional person and I don't cry from one year to the next but when I watched my daughter in a dance production on her last day of high school I felt so proud of her and realised how much she had changed from girl to young woman I was in tears. It was the end of a chapter in her life and mine.
You can get the same reaction watching what was your toddler not so long become a fully fledged school child at the end of infants.
A mixture of pride and sadness too...

NaiceRice · 21/07/2017 09:21

I sobbed at dc1's Christmas concert. All the children did their very best, performing without any self-consciousness (5 and 6 year olds) they looked so innocent and DC had a special singing part. At that time we had to make some tough, life changing decisions and the loveliness of the children and happiness of my dc1 just open-end the flood gates. I sobbed for a couple of hours. Didn't shed a tear during my younger child's Christmas play a couple of days later, strangely. Maybe I had released my emotions. However Dc2 sobbed half way through the x-mss play, so she clearly takes after her mummy. Blush Smile

DeadGood · 21/07/2017 09:26

"I can understand feeling a bit emotional but all out sobbing is ridiculous. What do these people do when they have a real problem?"

See, this is so interesting. It's like people are actually afraid of people crying. That the act of crying "maxes out" our emotional range, and that if we go from 0-10 for something "not worth crying about", then we won't have any tears left for when "something really bad happens".

Such a weird point of view.

MadMags · 21/07/2017 10:04

What do these people do when they have a real problem?

Whatever do you mean? That crying at your child's assembly means you've used up the tears you should save for a "real problem"? How strange.

randomer · 21/07/2017 10:08

Can fully understand that strange happy and sad feeling. Perhaps good to be mindful that education is a luxury and try and maintain some sense of perspective.

peppaisapig · 21/07/2017 10:09

I saw a few sobbing mums at the school gate today. We don't finish till Monday but it was their dd last day in primary school and they were moving to a different secondary to her friends. I didn't look at them and think 'ffs grow up' I looked at them and thought ' that will be me in a few short years' it is sad! Not all children can cope well with changes.

Diamondlife · 21/07/2017 10:10

I used to cry at the end of term too, but only because it meant 6 weeks of having to put up with the little horrors.

GhostsToMonsoon · 21/07/2017 10:18

I've never cried at anything at school yet, but it's a while to go until my two leave primary. At the moment I'm looking forward to the next stage, for example to DD learning to read and write properly in Reception. I used to cry quite a lot as a child, but am less emotional nowadays. The news or sad books or films never set me off, and I've certainly never cried reading a Mumsnet thread. But I guess everyone is wired differently. I wouldn't regard leaving infants as that big a deal, but it's a transition and children are growing up and people may be thinking that their children won't be little for much longer.

BishopBrennansArse · 21/07/2017 13:27

Education is a luxury?!?!? Confused

Marv1nGay3 · 21/07/2017 13:42

My DD has her last day in Y6 today. At the leavers' assembly they shared their memories of reception and there were lots of photos of them through the years. It was emotional for me to see how much they have all changed and look back at their 7 year journey through school, and yes most of us shed a tear or two. I cope fine in real life, thanks and don't feel the need to judge other people whether they cry at this sort of thing or not.

Mittens1969 · 21/07/2017 13:43

Some of you are wondering how people will cope if something really bad happens if they're in floods of tears at their children moving up a year. That actually isn't how it works. A lot of us find strength in a crisis; sometimes when something awful happens I'm unable to cry at all, whereas I can be in bits reading a sad book. It's about emotion, same as laughter is.

It's embarrassing for me as well if I cry in public but I don't worry about other people crying! We're all different.

Mittens1969 · 21/07/2017 13:44

I've never yet cried at my DDs changing school years, but who knows??