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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand parents crying at the end of infant school

311 replies

SEsofty · 20/07/2017 15:59

So today my eldest left infant school, and will be continuing onto the junior school along with ninety percent of the year.

I was surrounded by parents crying their eyes out, incredibly upset. I simply don't understand.

So could someone please explain to me why lots of people are crying simply because their child is going onto the next year of school.

Aibu to not understand?

OP posts:

Katedotness1963 · 20/07/2017 16:46

I get a little weepy. It's not just moving on a class, it's a part of your child's childhood ending and they're moving on to be big kids/teenagers/moving away for work or college. I think the fact that it seems to pass so quickly, I find shocking too. One day they're a wee boy holding your hand and the next there's some strapping lad handing you stuff from the high shelf and kissing you on top of the head.

I had fertility problems so we waited a long time for our family and now they're almost adults and I'm not ready for that yet. Maybe I'm just a sad, old bat...

otterlieriver · 20/07/2017 16:46

Yes, you would think you'd be able to control it by now, wouldn't you?

mum11970 · 20/07/2017 16:48

I don't get it either. The only changing of schooling that has ever brought me to tears is when I left my eldest at university at the other end of the country. Changing from infants to juniors, juniors to secondary, nadda.... they were still coming home at the end of the day.

alltouchedout · 20/07/2017 16:48

Emotional responses can be somewhat contagious.

DS1 leave primary school tomorrow and today was his leaver's assembly (which I couldn't attend due to have been three line whipped to attend The Most Boring and Pointless Meeting Ever at work). DS1 has so far been totally blase about the whole leaving thing, but since lunchtime I have been emailed or facebooked by 4 different parents telling me that he was in floods of tears and utterly distraught at the end of the assembly. I called the school office and it turns out one child started to cry and it set them all off.

In any case, if something brings me to tears, it brings me to tears, and whether or not anyone else 'understands' my crying is totally unimportant. I'd think someone was a jerk if they criticised someone for not crying, I don't think kindly of those who complain when others do. Deal with your feelings your way and leave others to deal with their own, for goodness sake.

DeadGood · 20/07/2017 16:48

"I think some public crying is attention seeking, yes.

Obviously, for all of us, there will be occasions where emotions get the better of us. It's not for me to say what those occasions are, but people who are genuinely upset often (not always) make an effort to hide it in some way"

Sorry Otterley I've made you repeat yourself a few times.

I do think you are not quite in accord with the OP, because you understand it just don't like the crying.

Personally i don't think there are that many adults who cry for attention. I just don't think it's A Thing.

busyboysmum · 20/07/2017 16:48

See op there are some sour faced judgers out there 😉

Xmasbaby11 · 20/07/2017 16:48

I think it's totally normal to feel bittersweet. I feel like that about the dc, 3 and 5, even though I've found the early years tough!

My mum turned 80 last week. Lovely celebrations and I was happy to spend that time with her. But it's bittersweet because I recognise how lucky I am to still have her, and I don't know how many more good years we'll have.

The80sweregreat · 20/07/2017 16:48

I cry more now than i did years ago.
Not sure why really.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/07/2017 16:49

I think some public crying is attention seeking, yes.

I agree. There is an element of that.

Sirzy · 20/07/2017 16:50

I think it is wrong that some people are so judgemental about people displaying their emotions. I thought by now we knew enough to know that suppressing emotions isn't a healthy approach.

Helendee · 20/07/2017 16:51

Why should anyone have to control a perfectly natural and healthy reaction? Far too much repression around.

DeadGood · 20/07/2017 16:52

"Yes, you would think you'd be able to control it by now, wouldn't you?"

Hmm. You really seem to value suppression of emotion. I'd say you are outside of the usual range in that regard.

Nothing wrong with that, but yes I'd definitely say you're a bit of an outlier in your attitude to public crying

otterlieriver · 20/07/2017 16:53

I did say 'some'

And, it is very true about the contagious effect. I welled up (though didn't actually cry) when there was the Haiti earthquake and went to a charity event. A very moving song came on interspersed with clips of the survivors including a baby - it was a real tear-jerker. But I had children with me and didn't want to be actually sobbing.

It's a tricky one, as some public emotional displays can become a bit attention seeking. I can't stress 'some' strongly enough there. But you can see it here, people declaring they are just soft hearted. I know full well I'm the biggest mug there is with animals and babies and old people. Charities have a field day with me. I just don't cry about it.

Toysaurus · 20/07/2017 16:53

I'm a hard hearted wanker, but when my child did his year 2 leaving assembly I did cry. Not because of anyone else or to make a show. It was because I was sad and proud that my child had struggled through some difficult shit whilst at school and was growing up and moving on.

Infant school was different to the junior school, and I was also sad to leave behind some fantastic members of staff who had been a wonderful source of support during difficult times.

I don't understand why this would piss people off.

GreenTulips · 20/07/2017 16:53

I don't get it either - too many parents over emotionally involved - no wonder some kids have issues!!

No doubt the same Ines gushing on FB about how Freddie is a big boy now .... followed by how proud in their oversized 'big' school uniform whilst no doubt worried that the Hype backpack will get them bullied

Scrol on ....

Sorry it's sad

otterlieriver · 20/07/2017 16:53

No sorry DeadGood, someone laughing inappropriately has the potential to cause untold harm.

sixopisim · 20/07/2017 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Freddofrog1983 · 20/07/2017 16:56

I'm not a crier usually, I can be watching a sad film and my husband will usually have a cry and I will be unaffected but I have had a cry about my eldest leaving infant school.

For me it is the passing of time and remembering when he was born and lots of other mile stones along the way. I also lost my mum during my son's time at infant school and realise how fast time has gone.

Also for me i feel some guilt that I couldn't help out with school trips or listen to the children read as I have younger DC and now that time has gone.

megletthesecond · 20/07/2017 16:56

I cried in leavers assembly once and it wasn't even my dc's turn to leave .

Tim Lott in the guardian did a column about this the other week.

PsammeadPaintedTheLion · 20/07/2017 16:56

I am a crier. It isn't that I think 'this is a wonderfully suitable situation in which to blub like a baby, I'm going for it, squeeze out a shit ton of tears'. I really can't help it when I cry. I wish I could, I find it embarrassing.

I didn't actually cry when dd1 left kindergarten, or when she started school. I was super excited that she was moving onwards. Others did cry, I get why. Everyone's different. Everyone interprets situations and expresses feelings in different ways.

I think I will feel teary when she leaves primary school. She is sheltered there, happy, her teacher is a gem, she class is lovely. It'll be the end of an era and that's worth taking a moment over.

Maybe with dd2 I will feel differently when she finishes kindergarten as she's the youngest, and she's so happy there and isn't so much a school-kid-in-waiting like her sister was. If I cry, I cry. No-one's business but mine!

early30smum · 20/07/2017 16:59

I shed a little tear when my little one left nursery today to start Reception in September. I'm not normally a particularly emotional person, but he's had the most amazing year at nursery and I'm sad it's come to an end, even though rationally, I know he's ready for school. He's my last one, so a real end of an era. YANBU not to cry yourself, of course, but YABU to not get why others do.

dinkystinky · 20/07/2017 16:59

I dont often show emotion in public buteven I did tear up at DS1's leavers assembly - seeing how close he is with his friends in his class, pretty much all of whom are going on to different schools, and having the kids in school sing them out while every single teacher and back office staff (all of whom know all the kids in the school) formed a line and hugged the kids out of the assembly at the end was surprisingly moving and suddenly brought home to me (and him) how different secondary school is going to be.

FrayedHem · 20/07/2017 17:00

There were a few parents who cried at DS1's leavers assembly yesterday. My observation was that for those that cried, it was their youngest child. PLB? I didn't cry as even though DS1 is the only one not going on to the local mainstream, it has been awful school year and I am not sad at all. Maybe by the time DS4 gets to Yr 6 (currently age 2!) they will have broke me

Katedotness1963 · 20/07/2017 17:01

I don't cry for attention. I wish I didn't cry at all, it's embarrassing, so that's why I stay at the back, near the door, so I can leave without being seen. I never used to be a crier but now I'm going to feel worse as its seen as attention seeking...

coddiwomple · 20/07/2017 17:02

So much horror and distress in the world where few people care and yet rivers of tears when someone moves educational establishment.

why is there always someone bringing that. It might have been clever the first time, now it's just boring.

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