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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand parents crying at the end of infant school

311 replies

SEsofty · 20/07/2017 15:59

So today my eldest left infant school, and will be continuing onto the junior school along with ninety percent of the year.

I was surrounded by parents crying their eyes out, incredibly upset. I simply don't understand.

So could someone please explain to me why lots of people are crying simply because their child is going onto the next year of school.

Aibu to not understand?

OP posts:

MsHarry · 20/07/2017 17:56

There is nothing wrong with showing emotion. I think there is more to fear from bringing children up to keep a stiff upper lip. Let it out, I always feel better after.

KERALA1 · 20/07/2017 17:57

What got me was dropping my pfb at school on her first day. Made it home but sobbed in private. It was seeing them all in their uniforms, being drawn into the system and the end of our time together at home. Can't imagine crying as they move up through the school though. And making a big scene involving others is cringeworthy.

chaplin1409 · 20/07/2017 17:57

I have had 4 children leave primary now. Last year I was in tears yet this year my youngest has left and not a tear at all. I have been going to the school for nearly 14 years and have activily been involved in the school but I think for me I am glad it's all finished now. However the last few months I have been very emotional realising things are changing in my family as my children are getting older and more independent. It's great that are are becoming independent and developing their own lives but I feel really sad that I am not needed so much anymore.

HighwayDragon1 · 20/07/2017 17:58

I can't have any more children, DD is my only child, she will always be my only child so yes, I'm sad that I'll never have that small child again, I'm sad that my baby is getting bigger, I'm sad that I'll never have a little child anymore.

MillieMoodle · 20/07/2017 17:59

I'm a crier and I find it so embarrassing. It's definitely not for attention and I'm mortified if anyone sees me cry or well up.

There was a school talent show last night, primarily for the year 6 leavers but with acts from each of the other years too. DS1 was part of one of the acts (he's yr 1), but I was welling up as the headteacher spoke about how proud he was of our current year 6 (they've had a tough year, losing one of their classmates suddenly, unexpectedly and very tragically), how he wished them well for the future etc.

I also cried writing a thank you note for DS1's teacher this afternoon

However, I was fine when he started school, fine when we moved house, fine when both DSs were born. I've even got through funerals without crying. I don't really know what sets me off. It's not proper sobs or anything dramatic, my eyes just fill with tears and I can't stop them falling.

KERALA1 · 20/07/2017 18:01

Hymns and father of the bride speeches are my my triggers.

Jamhandprints · 20/07/2017 18:10

I would assume they were crying with pride and happiness rather than "incredibly upset". I cry in all assemblies because I'm so proud of the kids. I don't understand how people can sit there and NOT cry!

GirlOnATrainToShite · 20/07/2017 18:13

I don't get people who constantly bleat all over FB crying about "how their kids are growing up".

I see my kids growing and moving onto the next thing as an achievement for them and for me.

I also have a friend who lost her son to cancer aged 13. He would be the same age as my 20 yr old son now and I am acutely aware that if I lamented every single my son achieves she would probably want to punch me in the face as she would love to see her son do all those things.

People need to get a bloody grip.

seasonschooner · 20/07/2017 18:15

Existentialism answers all question in life.

MsHarry · 20/07/2017 18:25

Me too Girl but I still shed tears at emotional moments.

skislope · 20/07/2017 18:32

I'm really worried I'll cry tomorrow at the Leavers assembly as I hate crying in front of people I don't know that well. There's many reasons why I feel I will cry. Can't understand how people can't see how these things are emotional!!

MrFMercury · 20/07/2017 18:36

I teared up during the Y6 leavers concert this week. I'll probably cry collecting DC1 for the last time tomorrow and I cried when they finished primary school too. I nearly died when my kids were tiny and spent a long time recuperating so I missed out a huge amount of their lives when they were still very small and I feel that loss privately but very keenly because I won't get that time back. Every time they move on to the next school they feel sad to say goodbye and excited about what comes next and so do I. I don't weep and wail and make it all about me but equally I'm allowed to feel a bit sad even as I'm proud of their increasing independence. When they should have been able to depend totally on me others had to step in. I'm not trying to preserve them in aspic honest.

Purplemac · 20/07/2017 18:44

YABU. DSD finished infants today and is moving up to juniors in the same school so no real transition. I still got a tear in my eye when I picked her up and her teacher invited all us parents into the classroom to say goodbye.

It's been a really great three years for her, she has excelled and loved school, loves her teacher, so yes I was emotional at just how grown up she is getting!

laundryelf · 20/07/2017 18:50

I blame the teachers, they go all out to make as many people cry as possible. They choose deliberately sad, emotionally charged songs that combined with tiredness and stress of end of term are guaranteed to get the tears flowing!
Why don't they have upbeat, looking forward to the future and the next wonderful stage of school?!
A recent leavers assembly at a local school involved going to the church next door to be blessed and then disappear from the school by leaving out the back door through red curtains, it was like a funeral at a crematorium! Some kids were really upset.
Teacher's revenge I tell you!

MaisyPops · 20/07/2017 18:50

skislope

It's not that we don't get that they are emotional moments, it's more that we don't really get over the top gushing.

So someone getting a little tear in their eye or grinning from ear to ear is fine and understandable. So is thinking 'bloody hell where did the last few years go?'

But what's irritating and makes us inwardly eye roll are when it's all so dramatic, weeping, over the top gestures, endless photos on facebook about how kids are getting older, lots of over the top gushing that is totally excessive.

DeadGood · 20/07/2017 18:53

"Today 17:45 Jux

I diddn't cry either. I think it's all about the parents, tbh. A bit rubbish frankly."

Genuine question. If it were - all about the parents, that is - would that be so bad?

everythingissoblinkinrosie · 20/07/2017 18:55

Op, you don't cry. I personally want to see my daughter moving forward not dwelling on the past but I might still feel emotional. I never regret her growing up. I don't miss the baby /toddler/nursery years . However, I don't dismiss the feelings of others as inexplicable.
It's not a "I just don't understand " thing.

Erratica · 20/07/2017 18:55

I wasn't sad when my oldest 2 went to juniors/ high school. I will be with the youngest though. He's my baby. And like others said it's about the passage of time. And it's a last time.

DeadGood · 20/07/2017 18:57

"Crying at the end of infant school does seem pretty OTT to me! I had a bit of a 'oh where's the time gone?'moment when DS left junior school, but I didn't cry. Can't remember anyone else crying either.

Everything nowadays has become just a big 'thing'!"

And? How many 'things' are we allowed in a lifetime? Is it only births, university graduations and marriages we are allowed to mark?

Leaving primary school happens once in every person's life. So I'd say it is, if not a huge deal, certainly something worth marking. So what if some people shed a tear? So what if there are more "things" now than there used to be? Do you think people will overdose on "things" and something bad will happen?

itsgoodtobehome · 20/07/2017 18:59

I cried today when DS finished reception. When he goes back into Yr1, he's going to be in the same class with the same teachers (small school so 2 years in 1 class). I still cried ffs!!!!

Sleepingonthebus · 20/07/2017 19:04

I cried because my DD was upset. It was a big deal for her and when she burst into tears, so did I. I'm a crier but definitely not an attention seeker.

MiaowTheCat · 20/07/2017 19:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeralBeryl · 20/07/2017 19:16

Oh I'll cry at anything these days
That pampers preemie advert is my current flood starter.

OP - you don't know everyone's personal journey, some of these kids may not have been expected to live, to continue in mainstream school etc.
It's a real milestone for some. For others, it's just an emotional time that their 'babies' are growing up. listen to that bastard Anna song
I have actually been quite stone hearted about it, but I still have children in infants so maybe it's because I'll still have that connection to it, also means I can't make a tit out of myself because I'll still have to face the teachers

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 20/07/2017 19:20

Oh leave of OP. I cried when all mine did it all. Left nursery, started and left each year and each school. It does not affect you so why do you care.

GirlOnATrainToShite · 20/07/2017 19:21

This.

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