Sleep, so I quite possibly am

[Raaaaaah]

So DD 18 months has been up since 10:00 and is still not happy. She has had calpol, cuddles, banana and water and she isn't unwell. I've been up with her until now, lying on her floor, holding her in my arms etc.

I've just woken DP up so I can get a couple of hours sleep. He is pissed off. He works and I am a SAHM with two older children. I usually do all wake ups and have done with all of them but he is really good at early mornings as he is a bit of an early bird. Was I unreasonable to wake him? I think the thunder would have even if I didn't .

Interesting that it's the people defending the OP who are bringing up spa days and lunches with the girls

Some of us are being realistic- being a SAHP isn't about spa days and lunches for most people. However, it is still quite possible to spend a day of relative down time- basing yourself in one safety proofed room, with toys on hand, a quick sandwich made for lunch and maybe a walk with the pushchair to get outside. You don't even have to make coherent conversation if you're too tired.... I spent many an afternoon on auto pilot answering my chatty toddler. Keeping your children alive and healthy is enough some days!
Have a down day OP, and for heavens sake stop giving a toddler bananas in the middle of the night- that's not going to help her sleep

Holy shit what is wrong with you people??
Her DH has WORK so he needs his sleep. The OP on the other hand is a SAHM to 3 kids which as we all know, is basically the same as a permanent holiday
The very least the father of this child could do would be to get up and give his exhausted wife a break. He doesn't have to like it but that's parenting sometime.

Babbity. I was up at 11pm 12am, 2am and then DH got up at 4am, I then did the 5:30am wake up for the day. He has gone to work to do a job he loves. He's a bit tired but has just sent me a text to say he's off out to lunch with a client and then going for a swim after work. I'm at home with a DC who has cried pretty much all day so far. I've not had a second to rest or do anything productive. I've got a mouth full of ulcers, my eczema is raging and I can barely function. This has been ongoing for weeks. I can't just plan my own day or nod off - I have another child to look after too (and one one occasion was too sleep deprived to parent properly and I made a massive error of judgement). I'm exhausted. My DH is not. He is slightly more tired for helping when he can. He feels awful that I'm in the state I am and would help more if he could. He knows I'd love to go for a swim or out to lunch if I could.
*I will be fine though as I know this is a phase and DH is supportive. How women cope without that support is beyond me. He absolutely expects to do his share.

Off out to lunch with a client isn't necessarily fun you know! Honestly many people would prefer making a quick lunch at home to have with their kids rather than having to talk business and say the right things to keep a client happy.

Swimming on the other hand is clearly downtime - why not ask your dh to take over at home while you go for a swim later? Entirely fair to get equal down time. No one thanks a martyr. Or if you really can't cope today, ask your dh to forego his swim

I am so glad my relationship doesn't work like most of yours, and my DP is willing to chip in and help when I am struggling. The idea that a woman deserves less sleep than a man because he works so hard all day and couldn't possibly do that on less than 8 hours straight belongs in the 50s.

Why has she had calpol if not unwell??

The OP on the other hand is a SAHM to 3 kids which as we all know, is basically the same as a permanent holiday

I love, love LOVE being a SAHP.

I would be straight-out lying if I said being a SAHM was hard graft for me (mum of four aged between 12 and 2)

Alex- you also mention your dh has gone off to work to do a job he loves? Do you not enjoy being at home? Bottom line is, if you feel that he has the 'better' deal being at work, you need to discuss with him and rearrange things; both work and pay for childcare, both work part time or whatever.
If you're just having a bad day but basically want to be at home that's different, but if you genuinely feel that going to work is better then you need to have that conversation with your dh.

Babbity, client lunches aren't necessarily not fun either. DH is with long term clients- they often play golf, go go-karting or paddleboarding. I appreciate not ALL client lunches are like that but not all are s you described either.

When he gets home, I will sleep. If I try to swim, I'm likely to fall asleep and drown . I can cope... But coping is what I'm doing. I want DH to swim - he will pitch in when he gets home. I guess I'm just saying that being at work isn't always awful and exhausting and sometimes being a SAHM is. Regardless, sleep is a necessity to stay alive, not a luxury. Mums NEED to sleep just as much as dads.

And yes, Babbity, it's just a rough period. I'm generally happy with my lot and know it will pass...Eventually...Maybe...soon?? Haha.

Blimey I never thought that the banana would command such ire . I have a banana myself if I have been up for hours and feel peckish. Great filler and full of potassium and magnesium to help sleep. Final justification complete .

I am a wohm.

I always think it's harder to look after children on no sleep than to work. Especially toddlers.

FATE you are clearly lucky enough to have found your niche as a Mum. I love it but I rarely find it a breeze.

Why has she had calpol if not unwell??

DS gets calpol if he won't settle easily in the night. He's 2.5 but only just recently started being able to communicate what's wrong if he's upset. He sleeps through without a mumur the vast majority of the time, so if he's awake in the night, distressed and and won't go back to sleep, we give him calpol in case he's in pain but can't tell us what is hurting. Presumably OP chose to administer calpol for much the same reason.

I can't be having with the bullshit idea that the SAHP should be driven to their knees with exhaustion before the WOHP should give up a single moment of their golden sleep. Very few people have the kind of commute or job that they can't do when they're a bit more tired than usual, especially if they have an office job. And some babies/toddlers are whirlwinds of destruction, who sleep in 20 minute bursts, who cry when they're not being held, who aren't even vaguely interested in the TV. My maternity leave was 100x harder than my job is, even when DS has had a very rare bad night - thank God DP didn't believe his rest was sacrosanct because he had to go to work.

Great filler and full of potassium and magnesium to help sleep. Final justification complete wink.

And lots of sugar for energy. 😉

I'm not taking sides about who if anyone should be awake.

I do take issue with heron98's comment that a stay at home mother with three children including a baby is not working.

Thought we'd sorted that old chestnut out, back in the 70s.

Miles behind but yes Kaytee I was indeed going to say if your one year old has a nap then you could sleep then. You have the choice if you're knackered, and if you're knackered enough you'll sleep in the day . Am guessing your husband doesn't have the choice to get his head down for a couple of hours at work when he's had a bad night with the baby.

And it's not about men's work being more important blah blah blah, and all that. I would say the same if the mother was at work and the dad was SAHP.

Blimey @FATEdestiny are all but the toddler school age? I have 2 preschool DCs and one is young enough to nap but certainly not the 4 year old! I did close my eyes during Peppa Pig mind you but I'm permanently shattered. I would love to be at work but can't get a job. Bah.

Yes. Aged 12, 11, 7 and 2. Summer holidays about to start though! 😭

I have done my fair share of baby plus toddler at home. And even with 2 pre-schoolers its much easier than working full time as well as parenting.

She had calpol as I didn't know what was wrong (if anything). I think it was probably teething pain. She is 18months so can't categorically tell me she is pain. I was a nurse pre kids so I don't give analgesia willy milly.

Genuinely pleased for you FATE .

Before DD I had a job requiring stretches of long days and all nighters, so I was used to doing a long day on 2-4 hours work.

I found work easier because I could make a coffee when I liked, and go to the loo without anyone hugging my knees. I had colleagues in the same boat to keep me awake and if I absentmindedly left some scissors on my desk no one was in danger.

The real difference for me is that when I was working I knew what was coming roughly. I could work on a project for a few days and get little sleep, knowing I could have a proper night's sleep when it was done. Now a cold or teething can strike at any time, and I'll likely also get the cold so will be under par anyway.

Mrs I know they don't all do an 18 month regression - DD1 didn't. DD2 definitely did though. I couldn't figure out why she was crying and wailimg for hours on end despite not being ill or obviously teething etc. Found 18 month regression on here and it fit to a tee (or is it T). Just making the point that toddlers do sometimes wake up and cry for hours without being ill.

Oh yeah and I'm another one who has found working (in a demanding highly paid client facing job) WAY easier than looking after small DC - especially on broken sleep.