Sleep, so I quite possibly am

[Raaaaaah]

So DD 18 months has been up since 10:00 and is still not happy. She has had calpol, cuddles, banana and water and she isn't unwell. I've been up with her until now, lying on her floor, holding her in my arms etc.

I've just woken DP up so I can get a couple of hours sleep. He is pissed off. He works and I am a SAHM with two older children. I usually do all wake ups and have done with all of them but he is really good at early mornings as he is a bit of an early bird. Was I unreasonable to wake him? I think the thunder would have even if I didn't .

Are the older children at school?

0230 is bonkers, I'd have waited until it was proper morning time.

Thanks Thursday she is typically fine . I think she woke with teeth and then got herself hot, overtired and in a tiz.

Right, I had better go and parent.

You've been lying on the floor for four hours? Well she's not going to sleep as long as she's got a playmate!

If she's healthy and not upset go to bloody bed!

I'm with the PP who say the OP should get up with DC if he has work.

As a SAHM, you can take it easy that day if you're really tired. You can't just say 'I'm having a quiet day' at work. It doesn't work like that.

BUT, I didn't catch if the OP has other DC and therefore has to do school runs and what not etc

We lie on the floor next to the cot sometimes, it's better than the alternative which is having them flopping around my bed not sleeping.

And I'd rather sleep, which I can do if they're settled enough to be quiet than walking between the bedrooms repeatedly.

Oh for flips sake Amy read my previous posts before you make flippant comments like that. I am an experienced mother who is not at all precious believe me lying Ina floor beside my child is not usual or my sleep destination of choice. I was on my knees, desperate and she was extremely upsets. Yup I'm one of those parents who doesn't believe in cry it out when my baby is presenting as unwell in really hot temps. Crazily cosseting parenting I know

Sorry for typos.

Not one bit unreasonable!!! Or, if you are than I am too

Broken nights are part of parenting. This shit just happens sometimes. We can hiss and boo and blame your terrible parenting (cuddling children in the middle of the night???? Well I never!!!) Or we can accept that it's part and parcel of being a parent. A PARENT. Not just a mum.

I'm blessed with an awful sleeper, and I do wake my oh to deal with his son when I am at the point of collapse. He is not a brain surgeon or a pilot and can cope with being sleep deprived at work on the odd occasion. Plus, he loves me and his child and does not believe that he has a right to a solid 8 hours while I tend to our child throughout the night.

He can go to bed very early the next night OP and count on a solid 6 or 7 hours before he is needed. Will you be that lucky???

Yabu. It's really selfish for you to wake your dh up at 2am when he has to go to work. As a stahm you can sleep any time during the day - when baby nods off so should you.

Oh and she was crying and screaming. Believe me as a Mum of three kids I don't jump to the merest whinge

Much different to your original post

In that case yanbu

My two sleep through now but if for whatever reason they are awake, my dh chips in even though I'm a sahm and he works.

It's called parenting meaning both of us take turns

Hang on caffeine your previous post said that I WAS being unreasonable to have woken DP. Now I am being unreasonable for never having woken him before . I have never woken him before because I am very used to coping with the kids on my own and yes I BF them all for the first year at which point the first two mostly slept through. He is rubbish at sickness and illness and I am good with it. Oh and we have thick walls and kids are not near neighbours. So now I think I have justified both why I did wake him last night (I was desperate) and I why I don't usually (I haven't needed to).

@Soubriquet - the working parent who supports the entire family financially should take their turns on Friday/Saturday night, or the night before they work from home, not randomly during the week. Presume OP wouldn't be able to be a SAHM if her husband lost his job due to lack of concentration caused by no sleep.

If I followed that rule Groupie when my Ds was at his worst, I would never have slept until the weekend

We had a rule that worked for us. He did wake ups till 1am. After that it was my turn so he at least got some sleep before work.

DP wouldn't be able to work the hours he does or have the social life he does if I wasn't at home with the kids. Unless he wanted a full time nanny 6:00-9:00. Works both ways.

By the way I'm not resentful of DP though it may sound that way. I am just being clear that he is in no way hard done by (neither am I).

Not unreasonable OP. I understand you.

As a stahm you can sleep any time during the day - when baby nods off so should you.

Not all babies sleep during the day - mine doesn't, so if I don't sleep at night, that's all I'm getting!

Umm hang on a second I never said that

Sorry, posted too soon.

My first post said:

Could you not just leave her in her cot with toys/books?

I know she's young and you want her to sleep but so long as she's not crying/scream if I don't think there's any need for you to stay with her, or indulge her with a banana at midnight or similar.

If she can't sleep and isn't bothering anyone, let her play in her cot. She'll doze off eventually.

I didn't even mention your partner!

Sorry my mistake caffeine you offered the sage advise that I should have just "let her dose off" in your first post. I assumed that that was rather than wake DP.

It was more because you hadn't explained she was screaming/crying - after you did, my advice changed.

I think I just read your post differently to the way you intended it!

YANBU and I am astounded that so many people think you were.

I would have woken DH up too and I'm a SAHM. I still have commitments - school runs and sports day and gymnastics to do with the kids. He has a desk job with a walkable commute. They are his children too. Whatever happened to the oft trotted out on MN "split jobs 50/50 when both at home"?

As a rule I manage all the night wakings as they are a quick BF and back to sleep or a quick hug for the older two, but if someone is poorly then DH has to pitch in. Frankly, he can fuck off if he thinks I'm leaving our precious children to scream themselves to sleep for his convenience.

Love the way some MNers resort to 'he wouldn't be able to work the hours he does if I wasn't at home to support him,' as if work is always solely pleasurable and done for indulgence. Work is a fact of life. It's about paying for the roof over your head and the food on your table. I'm not denying that a career can have other facets too- being socially useful, stimulating etc but ultimately, working outside the home is very different to being at home and being able to pretty much plan your day as you choose without having to meet exacting standards. Even if you have small children who no longer nap in the day, it's quite possible to have a low key day.

I'm not diminishing sleep deprivation- it feels bloody awful and having had 3 kids I've had my fair share. But there's one thing worse than being an exhausted parent looking after small children at home after a broken night, and that's being an exhausted parent getting up and off to do a day's work after a broken night.

Raaaaaah, I can completely understand all the concern about poor, downtrodden dh keeping you in the life to which you've become accustomed after a whole night of broken sleep. What were you thinking?? How on earth will the poor lamb be able to concentrate at work or even function at all?? You don't deserve such a wonderful specimen of a man, you lazy awful thing. Anyway, I'm sure things will seem much better after your spa morning, lunch with the girls and refreshing afternoon nap. After all, you have nothing else to do all day, do you OP?

You are just as entitled to a bit of sleep as your DH. Just ignore all the rest.

YANBU OP. The fucking judgement on MN towards SAHMs is unbelievable. I don't know if it's jealousy or superiority or pity or what the fuck it is, but it's bullshit.
All these people saying "oh the poor little man with his Commitments and his Important Things To Do" - as if SAHMs just get to float about all day doing nothing. Also HA fucking HA at the 'put a DVD on and rest on the sofa'. My little one has literally zero interest in the telly and would much rather find new and exciting ways to injure himself. If I go for a 'rest' it'd probably be at the cost of a few broken bones.
I have always done 99% of night wakings with our 2, especially during the first year, for various reasons. DH is a shit when he's tired (and his version of 'tired' is very different than mine) and it winds me up like nothing else, because how the fuck does he think I manage being woken up a lot more, for a lot longer? I just have to get on with it, and -shock horror - I even manage not to take it out on my family!
He works with power tools, and for a long time had a long drive to work, so I prioritised his sleep over mine because when I'm exhausted, at least there's no risk of me chopping off my own fingers with a saw or something. But I'm not a robot - we still need sleep just because we happen to be women (and therefore literally everyone else must come higher priority than ourselves) and anyone that says otherwise is being a cunt. Sleep is a basic necessity TO STAY ALIVE and you are MORE than entitled to a couple of hours of it. I'm sure the precious man can cope with ONE interrupted night. FFS.

I read your first post and was going to say you were unreasonable but now I think you were justified in waking him. I know what it's like when you are on your knees and they can't tell you what's wrong. for tonight