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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to cry at all the school demands for money??

189 replies

BrieAndChilli · 18/07/2017 17:36

Most of it doesn't have to be paid until September but still...

£220 for DS1 year 6 residential trip
£100 for DDs overnight trip
£18 x 3 for fruit snacks for next term
£55 for mincraft club that DS2 wants to do
£2 each for trip to ruins ( in our small village so we have been to a million times (no exaggeration!)
£1 each for the priviledge of leaving thier shoes at school on the last day and coming home barefoot!

Not unrelated but £10 for each classes teacher collections = £30

Oh and DS2 needs to dress as a big on Thursday!

Oh and for the first 2 weeks of the holidays they are going to holiday club for 1/2 days which is going to be £500 ConfusedShock

Oh plus need to buy new uniform/shoes too, even buying cheaply is a fortune (and DS2 shoes that we bought 2 months ago from deichman cheaply have already got holes in the soles)

Kids are going to have to play in the garden all summer and eat bread and water!!!

OP posts:
bbismad · 19/07/2017 20:35

YANBU... schools do expect a lot from parents and children are expensive. YANBU to moan... but I guess that it comes with having children.

Areyoulocal · 19/07/2017 20:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sn78 · 19/07/2017 21:58

Wow, a lot of folks seem to have a lot of money. What you're spending is far more than my daughter & I have to live on in a month! It's funny because you probably don't consider yourself to be 'well off' but if I had that additional income in my household budget, I doubt I would feel as stress out of my head with money worries like I am. Anyway, back to the point; just because the school offers things, it doesn't mean you need to take it up. The kids will survive without Minecraft. My daughter gets the odd day trip, occasional swimming but life consists of stuff that can be done either for free or very inexpensively: inside and outside the school. If something is offered, as long as it's not going to have a massive consequence to their learning, then say no if it squeezes the family purse too rightly. If all your children's base needs are being met, not attending a certain club or going on an overly priced trip is fine and does away with all that stress to begin with.

RandomName9 · 19/07/2017 22:57

I feel you pain OP. We only have 2 but both my sons schools (primary & secondary) are very good at trips & organising things for the children - which is fantastic - but we do seem to get allot of letters regarding trips/outings/bits going on at school. The latest was a secondary school ski trip - total cost £1400, £200 deposit due 5 days after the letter & the remainder of the balance due 4 months later Shock Obviosly I know they don't NEED to go, just sharing!!
I do love the idea behind the school shoes though, would be happy to leave the boys shoes although not sure if they would be of any use Hmm

SherbrookeFosterer · 19/07/2017 22:58

Alas children are one of the three most expensive things you can sink your money into.

The other two being joining a polo club or buying a yacht.

Maybe have a chat with other parents to see if there are economies to be made. I am sure if you are worried, many others are. I doubt you are alone with your concerns.

Fleshy · 19/07/2017 23:38

Not to be a massive wanker but...

To want to cry at all the school demands for money??
Anasnake · 20/07/2017 07:11

People need to learn to say 'No'

Maireadplastic · 20/07/2017 07:18

Fleshy - beach huts and Lamborghinis? Pointless.

Screwinthetuna · 20/07/2017 07:32

Do they have to go to the holiday club? Are you home or have alternative childcare? I wouldn't bother with that, kids tend to be equally as happy about meeting friends in the playground for free (age depending).

BishopBrennansArse · 20/07/2017 07:45

The person who said pay child benefit to schools - bog off!
Tax money is supposed to fund education. So because the government isn't paying schools enough you expect parents to lose money that is quite often used to feed the kids?
They'll be starving but ooh the school might get some new books or an ICT suite.
No. Schools should be properly funded from taxes.

RJnomore1 · 20/07/2017 07:47

Of course the kids will survive without these things but it's not about surviving (or shouldn't be) - it's about the opportunities they have and that their peers are taking up and them not being disadvantaged in comparison. I don't mean that in a keeping up with the jones way; it's not the same as designer trainers.

If you can't afford it you can't afford it and that's not your fault at all but that's part of why so much money is being given in PEF and pupil premium - to try to even access to opportunity which then helps improve attainment (that's really simplistic but my point is participation in these things can make a difference to outlook on life, aspritation etc).

It's really crap at a time when costs are increasing everywhere and so many people are struggling. It's part of a bigger societal issue though in a time when economic gulfs are widening.

KERALA1 · 20/07/2017 08:59

Exactly rj we were talking about this last night as a friend is a mentor for a charity for at risk kids. School identified my dd as weak in a subject so we get a tutor. These kids have no parent able to support them like that and certainly no money for extra help. Even though both state educated it's far from a level playing field. And I agree the gulf is getting wider. We live in a bubble hearing about these kids in our city was sobering.

LovelyBath77 · 20/07/2017 09:23

Schools do help with trips etc if families are struggling. Both primary and secondary here, do, and it is confidential. For example they fully fund the start of Yr 7 residential and make this clear, tell parents about it etc. For people on low incomes they fund half the new school uniform costs, and help with around 10% off other school trips.

BrieAndChilli · 20/07/2017 10:52

The holiday club is childcare while I work so not optional I'm afraid! It's the only 2 weeks we use childcare as the rest of school holidays are a mix of me or DH taking time off or family. We have the childcare vouchers saved up to use.

OP posts:
famousfour · 20/07/2017 12:50

Most of that looks optional and childcare is hardly the school demanding money.

That said there are a lot of money demands I find. I found it a bit of a surprise. I now budget for these. I think many others could do the same (excepting those who simply can't pay). Just because the school issues requests at short notice (not ideal I agree) it doesn't mean parents can't plan as part of their monthly budget. It all sounds a bit helpless...

The position of parents and family's who simply cannot afford to pay for this stuff is a different question.

On another point, what are these school ski trips that cost 1500-2000 for a week. It's possible to go skiing for far less than that surely? And children hardly stay in luxury accommodation if I recall my dorm style ski trip accommodation correctly... Shock

Majora · 20/07/2017 13:07

Crikey, people on here really can't let someone have a moan without accusing them of being a bad parent or that they shouldn't ever be irritated with childcare fosts.

BrieAndChilli · 20/07/2017 13:18

I'm feeling a bit victimised for daring to moan Grin there's another thread at the moment where someone is moaning about a last minute school trip to a theme park costing £50 which they don't have and no one has told the OP she shouldn't have had kids if she wasn't expecting all these expenses and how dare she moan, she should have budgeted better!!
Maybe I should bugger of to Nethuns, I might get some sympathy there!!! slopes off to find log in, tries old email addres, can't remember password so slinks back to mumsnet and hope nobody notices

OP posts:
Co1onelblimp · 20/07/2017 13:28

Having a moan is fine. However, some of the things you are talking about having to pay for are optional!

Also, you knew that these things were coming up, and had to be paid for.
Having three kids was always going to be expensive. The expense will increase the older they get.

Snowinsummer · 20/07/2017 13:37

I've also got 3 children but they are all a bit older than yours. I'm afraid it gets worse. That's all I'm going to say!

mrsp2009 · 20/07/2017 21:53

We had a letter today re the year 6 residential trip next year. They've moved it to a nearer location to where we live so there's less travelling involved (it's now approx an hour away) so there will be more time for the kids to enjoy 'activities'. Letter says this 'benefit' is reflected in the cost which this year is £400 (almost double what is has always been up until now!) Angry

Totallybonkersmum · 21/07/2017 05:34

I've worked in all three levels of education and have seen quite a difference in various things.

If a parent wants to claim free school dinners, the younger children really don't notice, as money for dinners is handed in at the beginning of the week to the school secretary. The children who are claiming free lunch obviously don't hand in an envelope. Because it's handed in in drops and drabs nobody notices those who don't. The quality and nutrition value of the school dinner at primary and middle schools are excellent. Many teachers also buy them and sit down amongst the children. I thought this was excellent as the adults were setting an example to the children on how to hold their knife and fork, not eat with their mouths stuffed of food and to have an inclusive conversation. The children didn't wince if an adult sat down amongst them at all.

At secondary the children usually carry nameless, blank credit type cards. The reason as to why it was left nameless was so that if a card was lost or stolen, then the cashier usually picked it up as, when paying a photo of the child popped up. Any top ups were done at the till whenever the card got low, so one could add five pounds or any other amount. Children who had free school meals just automatically had the amount for the dish and pudding of the day, added at the beginning of each week. The meal was definitely not as healthy as primary and middle and looked quite repulsive to what I'd had at primary and middle. The vegetables were inevitably overlooked. The meal didn't usually look appetising. Most children seemed to opt for one other options which all had high levels of salt/sugar/fat in it, even post 'Jamie Oliver's' influence. Or I'd often see kids coming out with several chocolate bars, dropping the litter without thought. The secondary I was at, didn't even have sit down facilities from year ten and eleven.

Personally, I put a stop to all the really weird coloured drinks (bright red, yellow, turqoise, green, etc) in the vending machines, firstly on a much maligned trial basis to see if there was a change in behaviour as we were finding lesson two very hard work with hyeracrive students being somewhat problematic. There was a very significant difference in the children's behaviour so it was deemed that the machines had to go. It backfired on those maligned it as the difference was very profound. The board of governors were loathe though as each machine made an 'easy' £3000 profits pa(x 4), making £12,000 profit. This was put into the running of a nearly clapped out school bus and a new one, although I was surprised that they cost that much to run, personally...🤔

School uniform was cheaper at primary school as we could buy it in Tesco, Asda, etc. However when they got to middle school the costs shot up as they needed the school motif on the PE top/sweat shirt and the right coloured brown rucksack, school coloured brown skirt, tie, PE shorts, PE bag and ordinary grey trousers, socks, trainers and plimsoles. At secondary it included all of the above plus school coloured rugby socks, a different polo shirt for rugby, rugby boots and mouth guard.(for girls too).There was a second hand school uniform which was useful, but much of the uniform was well worn🙁.

Oh, and a clear pencil case with along list of requirements including rulers, protractors, compass, erasers, sharpener, different types of pencils, special types of pens, ordinary pens, pencils and coloured pens.A calculator had to be purchased from the school so that they could all learn using the same type of calculator keys. Four lever arch folders, separators and thin clear plastic folders for inside each of the files plus lined and blank paper, drawing paper, drawing pastilles and malleable rubber. All of the above cost a fortune, plus we were expected to check our children's pencil cases often and replace anything low or missing. I ended up buying in bulk, sometimes getting things when they were on special offer.

I'd have been angry to be expected to leave school shoes behind as sometimes there were occasions when they'd be used to wear at the seaside to protect their feet from sharp stones, or a wedding, funeral or a 'dressed up' visit to a restaurant,etc,. I always kept boots, plimsoles and school uniform to hand down to the next child, anyway.

I was always loathe to be expected to pay x into a teachers present. It's become a ridiculous amount of money! I'd often buy the teacher a plant to grow in their garden or a nice bottle of wine is much appreciated! It lasts and can be consumed when chosen, then!

The other practise that annoyed me at all three schools was to hand out brown envelopes with a letter attached asking parents to make contribution to the running of the school with a 'recommended suggestion' of £100😵. Particularly as I'd just forked out for all of the above. I handed back the envelope with a piece of paper, saying "No, sorry, We're unable to ATM", so it didn't feel empty when handed in, which I knew would definitely be felt by the teacher but not opened by them. A note was made on the computer of each envelope handed in.

School trips became more expensive as the children got older. My No1 child was taken to Iceland and was desperate to go to see the Northern Lights. No2 child was taken skiing to America. Now that trip was very expensive as we had to buy all their ski wear, including goggles! Plus it cost far more than the trip to Iceland. Both years when one of the children went away meant the rest of us forwent a family holiday. Except maybe we'd get up early having booked a travelodge on a Saturday night and go away for the weekend.

As for University, that costs even more, although many students extend their loan! No1 racked up £18k as she worked part time too. No2 has racked up well in excess of an est.£45k+ and he's got another year to go too He's never worked and had to redo year one as he failed. Too much partying, some travelling and costs. Books, accommodation, food, student fees (if you decide to pay instead of your child), travel costs maybe a car and clothing. At least they can choose exactly what they want to wear though and designer gear is not an issue. It's more 'in' now to wear 'vintage', aka second hand clothing from a charity shop!😂 I hate to think what No.2 will owe this time next year! Both were able to live at home if they really wished, too, which No.1 did and No.2 not.

upperlimit · 21/07/2017 06:51

I can see why he's your number 2 child totallybonkers

Grin Grin

sorry

Totallybonkersmum · 21/07/2017 08:03

Amd why Upperlimit there will never be a child No3!
We're too skint and knackered, for starters.😂😂😂

LoniceraJaponica · 21/07/2017 08:53

But surely Iceland and skiing in the US were totally optional?

LovelyBath77 · 21/07/2017 10:12

I notice the schools ask any parents entitled to FSM please to claim as the school benefits as well. Payments are all done online so no-one is any the wiser, unlike in my day when children were given a token to take to the school canteen. I agree though there are many people on low incomes who don't qualify, though and it is a struggle.

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