Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to cry at all the school demands for money??

189 replies

BrieAndChilli · 18/07/2017 17:36

Most of it doesn't have to be paid until September but still...

£220 for DS1 year 6 residential trip
£100 for DDs overnight trip
£18 x 3 for fruit snacks for next term
£55 for mincraft club that DS2 wants to do
£2 each for trip to ruins ( in our small village so we have been to a million times (no exaggeration!)
£1 each for the priviledge of leaving thier shoes at school on the last day and coming home barefoot!

Not unrelated but £10 for each classes teacher collections = £30

Oh and DS2 needs to dress as a big on Thursday!

Oh and for the first 2 weeks of the holidays they are going to holiday club for 1/2 days which is going to be £500 ConfusedShock

Oh plus need to buy new uniform/shoes too, even buying cheaply is a fortune (and DS2 shoes that we bought 2 months ago from deichman cheaply have already got holes in the soles)

Kids are going to have to play in the garden all summer and eat bread and water!!!

OP posts:
ChocolateWombat · 19/07/2017 08:28

It is poor if schools foist demands for money with no notice on people. In my experience these are often the charity events and occasionally the day trip.

The longer residentials tend to be known about far in advance of money being needed. Even in our secondary where there are mega bucks trips, there is a list of trips for the next 2 years published with costs. That way, when the letter saying a deposit is needed in the next week to secure a place in the first come first served basis, it's not really a total surprise. I'd imagine that the OP being asked for money for these residential trips isn't hearing about them for the first time. I appreciate that regardless of if you know far in advance or not,mothered things are very costly and beyond some people, but I also think people could sometimes do themselves a favour by thinking ahead and budgeting a bit better to spread the cost - but then isn't this true with all expenses? And I also think that sometimes people find themselves in difficulties by opting for optional things which are really expensive. OPS holidays hint costing £500 for a couple of days seems an awful lot......isn't that the issue,mrather than 27p per day for fruit or the £1 charity shoe thing.....people seem to have commented a lot on these much smaller expenses ratherthan the big ones.

And just another observation - I've noticed that sometimes it's those who can least afford it, that opt into all of the expensive optional stuff and actually the affluent say no to it. Is that because those who are finding things hard feel they need to prove something to their kids or others or themselves,mwhilst those with plenty of money don't? Your value as a parent isn't measured in how much stuff you pay for. Believe it!

coddiwomple · 19/07/2017 08:32

I think schools often do not realise how much people struggle.

I don't think it's that. Our local schools beg all parents of little ones to claim the free meals if they are entitled to, as it raises more funds for them. (more funds than the universal meals everyone is entitled to).
There's no stigma there (and look at Ofsted report, Ofsted loves having a fair number for their statistics!)

It would be terribly unfair to stop all trips and residentials because of a few struggling families. Trips are much more low-key than they were when I was little, and it's a shame. You cannot base the entire year around one or 2 children and ignore the rest. Practically, apart from putting the child in another class whilst his goes away, what can the school do? It's not spiteful, practically they can't give him a tablet and tell him to watch tv for a week.

coddiwomple · 19/07/2017 08:37

Very good point ChocolateWombat

To be fair, it might also be that more affluent parents have also planned activities and holidays, so don't feel like their kids are missing out if you refuse a trip when the kids will spend the summer on the beach for example. It might be the only trip or activity less affluent children will do.

I still agree with your post!

SandyDenny · 19/07/2017 08:40

Are there a large number of people who don't register for free school meals because of the stigma?

That's very shortsighted as the school won't be able to claim pupil premium money to help their child and possibly go towards trip etc.

I agree with the poster who said that often the poorest can misguidedly try to afford everything.

I'm neither poor nor rich but don't care two hoots about saying if I can't afford something, that's life, as long as you're doing your best there's no shame in saying no to things.

Susieangel · 19/07/2017 17:55

When I started secondary school 1965) we needed 5 shillings for a hymn book! I still have mine.

Windycityblues · 19/07/2017 18:00

The shoe thing is a nice idea but our shoes shoes are being superglued together as I don't want to buy new pairs until sept, they are no use to anyone!

NoPressureNoDiamonds · 19/07/2017 18:03

Everything in the OP is optional

  • not demands. Sounds like the school is offering lots of opportunities which take a lot of planning and teacher time. YABU
bigkidsdidit · 19/07/2017 18:04

I want to link to threads like this when endless posters tell a broody woman 'babies are cheap! Get some hand me downs, cloth nappies and breast feed'.

Babies Are cheap, children are fucking expensive.

starlight13 · 19/07/2017 18:07

Sadly this is the way it is going. Budget cuts mean more requests for "donations" from parents and because they are not compulsory, then we spend more supporting the other parents who choose not to pay ( in my experience it is the parents with only one child who do not pay!)
I too have 3 children and they go to a rural school. I actually see that more bums on seats helps to keep that school open, so I am doing my bit but I do not moan to other parents about the costs for 3 - I budget it out just as a parent of one would. The clubs or trips that I consider important I will pay for but it's all the PTA extras that are starting to grate on me - the exorbitant cake sales ( since when did a small fairy cake go from 20p to £1 each?) And on ice cream sale days I explain to them that they can have an ice cream at home which costs £1 for 3 i/o £1 each. It might sound penny pinching bit I'm trying to teach my children the value of money AND that they can't choose to do everything.
A single child probably does need to do more clubs etc because they have no one to play with at home but for parents with more children that are pressured to fork out more - be content in the fact that you are supporting the school and your children have something that no end of clubs can give them - siblings to learn and grow with.

Maireadplastic · 19/07/2017 18:20

Get used to it, OP. In fact get ready for requests for contributions for paper, pencils, books, loo roll......

Maireadplastic · 19/07/2017 18:23

starlight- bring up charging with your PTA. They should have things everyone can afford (eg fairy cakes) alongside provide stuff. It's so boring and sad for parents to have to say 'no' to things- they should know that. Remind them and join them.

IDoDaChaCha · 19/07/2017 18:26

Ha, and they say 'school is free childcare'.

bobbysbabe · 19/07/2017 18:28

Moan on love.

We all need to moan - no child, one child, 2 children, 3 children, 4 children.

There's always something to maon about

Writermom22 · 19/07/2017 18:43

All primary schools get free fruit as part of the fruit for schools scheme. I you are being asked to pay for school fruit, then there is a big problem. I would be asking to see the bill from the fruitier or sending fruit from home.

What a ducking liberty!

Also, as parents we sometimes have to say "no".

LoniceraJaponica · 19/07/2017 18:46

"They know who's on free school meals but lots of people won't claim them because of stigma"

That's such a pity. The school receives pupil premium for the children on FSM, which enables them to help those pupils who need it most. This would help pay for things like school trips.

"Babies Are cheap, children are fucking expensive."

So true bigkids

Mintychoc1 · 19/07/2017 18:54

Your pet bringing home a love mouse - you chose to have a pet

I want a love mouse!

coddiwomple · 19/07/2017 18:55

Babies Are cheap, children are fucking expensive.

Hell yeah.
And if you think children are expensive, wait until you have teenagers which are bad enough, but then young adults who need driving lessons/car insurance/ uni fees/ deposit to live somewhere/ wedding fund Wine

School age children are nothing!

treacletoffee23 · 19/07/2017 18:55

For the shoe problem -if they are desparate to join in just send in an out grown pair if you have any.

Littlenic73 · 19/07/2017 18:56

Our year residential is next March and although the full amount sounds a lot, it is split into installments of £30 or £40 a month about once a month in term time for everyone, so it's more affordable for families on lower incomes. It may be worth asking if there is any option of a payment plan, generally schools would rather do that than see kids miss out.

ALittleMop · 19/07/2017 19:11

Its not just families who can claim FSM that struggle - I mean you have to have a really low income to claim in most cases.

Lots of families I know would struggle to stump up £350 odd quid with hardly any warning (and I've discounted the entirely optional minecraft and ludicrous teacher gifts from that).

Our school is oblivious. They want to do nice things for the children - but I've had other parents at our ostensibly leafy school tell me they've taken payday loans to buy the new branded uniform, or that they couldn't afford to go to the school fair (easily no change from £15 per kid). These are working families, not people who would qualify for FSM.

hks · 19/07/2017 19:18

it s getting a wee bit OTT sending the kids to school these days

day trips / summer camps/ clubs / residential trips/ not to mention money every other week for various charities as well as a tin for the foodbank

What about the families who Can't affoard it and struggles to get by each week/month and some these i know are parents who work

my kids are at Secondary and they are going on a 4 day trip London costing £400 each but to cover this they we are not going on a summer holiday

Touchmybum · 19/07/2017 19:19

Send in an old pair of your own shoes. I'm not sure children are going to benefit greatly from old school shoes that have been worn to bits over a school year.

Three children here too, so I feel your pain; however, I must warn you, it gets worse, a lottttt worse!! Uniform for secondary level is costly - not just the uniform, all the sports kit. All of mine played two instruments each - roughly £300 per child per term, plus exam fees, piano accompanists, etc! Yes, I know that was a choice, but they were musical and weren't sporty, and I always had a wether eye on the old personal statement for uni... We had 4 languages trips, 2 x 2 DDs to France and Spain, a trip to Germany, and a Travel and Tourism A level trip to Paris (part of the course) - DS hasn't been on any yet but will have to give him the same opportunities! We said no to the sports trip to Spain, the skiing trips, the History trips to the US.... And from the autumn, we have 2 at uni... that's a whole other story!

user1495656648 · 19/07/2017 19:33

sounds like its the kids demanding the money not the school. most of that list is optional and you chose to pay it so you cant complain

Totallybonkersmum · 19/07/2017 19:35

I wonder how on earth the family of 'Nineteen Children and Counting' manage to pay for all of this!? I know they chose to have that many children, but things like this do make me wonder how they cope financially....
I know they can pass clothes and shoes down, but not school trips, club fees, presents for teachers, fruit snacks, charity sponsorship forms,, etc.
A family of two or three children, cost wise, would look minuscule comparatively, most that I'm deriding those families either. The above thought just crossed my mind...🤔🤔🤔

LML83 · 19/07/2017 19:46

It does add up and that's a lot in one week.

I think the Sals shoes idea is lovely. The children leave barefoot thinking of the children who are always barefoot and will benefit from the shoes. I think kids actually take shoes to wear home and don't go in the street barefoot. The £1 is a contribution to transporting shoes where they need to go.