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AIBU?

To not understand why some parents get so scared

216 replies

TwentyYears · 18/07/2017 12:03

Why do parents of boys get so scared of giving them something they perceive may be 'girly'? What are they scared might happen?

Yesterday passed on a toy to a friend's DS, age 3 ish, that was branded with what I think is a character. Parent sees it as a girls character and was worried about DS's reaction!!!! DS loved it.

See this sort of thing happen all the time. School friends come to play and I can lay money on fact boys will say either 'Oh DD doesn't have girls toys' or (standing in front of science equipment) 'I don't play with girl's toys'. Once saw another 3yr old try to dress up in his sister's pink skirt and DF went crazy at him.

Feeling really sorry for boys at the mo. Why do parents think boys are in danger from 'girls stuff'? And what do they think would happen if they played with it?

(Name changed to post as have tried to ask this in RL but it seems to cause offence)

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AssassinatedBeauty · 18/07/2017 19:39

So he's never going to need to nurture or care for a baby? Or empathise with other people? I cannot fathom why you thinks dolls must only be for girls. It's bizarre.

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SpiritedLondon · 18/07/2017 19:41

I was in the group change of the swimming pool listening to a Dad tell his son that boys don't wear necklaces. I also heard a lady letting her young DD choose some clothes but wouldn't let her have some trousers because they were from the boys section. I'm also frequently having to correct DD5 when she comes home from school saying " boys can't wear make up / nail polish etc". She doesn't hear that crap in this house but clearly it's being fed to some of her friends.

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ReinettePompadour · 18/07/2017 19:41

FuckleberryDunne Wearing dresses, nail polish or playing with dolls, does not hinder my son from doing his chores, helping me get supper ready, making brownies, or having respect for girls either. Does it hinder you by any chance?

You really are looking at the world all wrong. Plenty of countries have skirts as their national dress for men to wear (Scotland, Samoa, Tonga). Some Police forces have skirts for men as part of their uniform. Theres not a chance I'd suggest to a Tonga/Samoan rugby player they may not be masculine enough because they wear their national dress. Youre being daft and offensive.

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 19:43

Male national dresses are not skirts. I dare you to say that to a scotsman! A twirly dress is something else entirely. Stop trying to make me out to be a racist.

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JacquesHammer · 18/07/2017 19:53

But "lovely" and "sweet" are traditionally feminine characteristics. Careful you're not "emasculating" your boy there...

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 19:54

Why are so many of you so desperate to push your male children towards the trappings of femininity? Glitter, dresses, girls toys are so much more restrictive and boring.

Dressing a male as a female, boasting that people mistake them for female, how is that not going to mess up their heads?

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TwentyYears · 18/07/2017 19:55

F'berry despite totally disagreeing with all your posts I admire you standing up as a lone voice, against the majority, to tell us what you believe. You reasoning is interesting (completely wrong on the mental health and born gay front if you'd like to look at the evidence) and I think I've definitely met quite a few people who would agree with you, unfortunately.

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 19:56

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AssassinatedBeauty · 18/07/2017 20:00

Why do you think not saying no is the same as "pushing"? Why do you hate things that are stereotypically perceived as feminine, and think they have no value? If a girl is wearing plain jeans and a plain red t shirt, is she dressed as a boy, and will that "mess up her head"?

Playing with a doll is imaginative play and is a good thing for all children to do, developmentally.

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ReinettePompadour · 18/07/2017 20:01

FuckleberryDunne

Male national dresses are not skirts. I dare you to say that to a scotsman I have and he said I'm English so what do I know about fashion. Grin

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BroomstickOfLove · 18/07/2017 20:02

If you think that glitter, dresses and "girls' toys" are boring and restrictive, does that mean that you would prevent a daughter from playing with them, too? Or do think that it is ok to give girls a boring and restrictive upbringing because anything else would be confusing, compromise their femininity and impair their ability to find a boyfriend, and a boring and restrictive upbringing would be better than that.

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bookworm14 · 18/07/2017 20:04

Surely allowing children to play with whatever toys they want is the exact opposite of 'pushing the Trans agenda'? Pushing the Trans agenda is claiming a boy must be a girl if he likes playing with 'girl's' toys.

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alteredimages · 18/07/2017 20:04

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Mothervulva · 18/07/2017 20:12

I love it when men wear nail polish.

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Jupitar · 18/07/2017 20:21

My daughter had a Dalmatian dressing gown, all black and white with dog ears in the hood, when she grew out of it my son inherited it. One day whilst we were on a family holiday, my brother in law saw it and said you can't let him wear that it's a girls one!!! My son was about 2 maybe younger, apparently because there was some pink on the inside of the dog ears I shouldn't have let him wear it. I took no notice at all.

A year later we were in another family holiday and my nephew who was now 2 spent the whole holiday dressed up in princess dressing up clothes complete with princess high heels, I was dying to say something but didn't really need to.

10 years later both boys are fine 😂😂😂

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SpiritedLondon · 18/07/2017 20:24

fuckle Well this conversation has really moved on. It's very telling that YOU have decided that's dolls etc are restrictive and boring. Everyone else is very much of the " cest la vie" ( sorry on the spelling front) about letting their children explore different toys but actually you are the one who is restricting / dictating what your child is based on based on your skewed view of what is correct. I sincerely hope your son grows up camp and fabulous.

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LaurieMarlow · 18/07/2017 20:29

Fuckleberry I feel sad for your son that he's forbidden from dolls and nail polish because of your views. How awful to have a mother who forbids innocent pleasures.

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cannaethink · 18/07/2017 20:42

I was in Tesco perusing the bubble bath when a couple with a toddler (boy) came along. The boy wanted to choose a pink bubble bath but the parents wouldn't let him as it was a girls one! He had a full on tantrum about it. It's bubble bath ffs.

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 20:51

Its clearly not possible to discuss this with people who call me an awful mother for not allowing my son nail polish etc, and then wishing upon him the sadness and hardship of growing into a camp man.
Ive tried to be respectful, shame you couldn't manage to repay the courtesy.

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AssassinatedBeauty · 18/07/2017 21:06

Could you expand on the sadness and hardship of being camp? I really don't understand what you mean by that. Also, how does experimenting with nail polish turn a child camp? How can it affect their personality more than the rest of their upbringing?

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Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 18/07/2017 21:40

fuckle

Then don't discuss it with that person

Loads of posters havent said that you are a bad mum

I dont feel i need to discuss that if a boy puts nail varnish on it makes him gay...because I absolutely dont believe that

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Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 18/07/2017 21:43

So if a boy likes feminine stereotypical things it makes him gay

If a girl does not like feminine stereotypical that makes her gay

Got it...

Although thats seems suspiciously easy

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BarbarianMum · 18/07/2017 21:47

If he's camp he's camp. He can either be comfortable in his skin or spend his whole life trying to act in a way that is not natural to him and being ashamed of who he is. Know which I'd prefer.

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Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 21:53

If a girl does not like feminine stereotypical that makes her gay

Oh dear, I'd better tell DP Grin

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BogQueens · 18/07/2017 21:56

You get that 'camp' isn't the same as gay, right? And that while yes, as a society we're still fighting homophobia, being gay as a life sentence of 'sadness and hardship' is a hangover from another era. If you genuinely want honk that, work to change it.

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