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AIBU?

To not understand why some parents get so scared

216 replies

TwentyYears · 18/07/2017 12:03

Why do parents of boys get so scared of giving them something they perceive may be 'girly'? What are they scared might happen?

Yesterday passed on a toy to a friend's DS, age 3 ish, that was branded with what I think is a character. Parent sees it as a girls character and was worried about DS's reaction!!!! DS loved it.

See this sort of thing happen all the time. School friends come to play and I can lay money on fact boys will say either 'Oh DD doesn't have girls toys' or (standing in front of science equipment) 'I don't play with girl's toys'. Once saw another 3yr old try to dress up in his sister's pink skirt and DF went crazy at him.

Feeling really sorry for boys at the mo. Why do parents think boys are in danger from 'girls stuff'? And what do they think would happen if they played with it?

(Name changed to post as have tried to ask this in RL but it seems to cause offence)

OP posts:
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BroomstickOfLove · 18/07/2017 17:47

The guys I know who are straight but have trouble getting a girlfriend tend to be the ones with low self-esteem and poor social skills, not the ones who wear eyeliner, spend ages doing their hair, iron their own clothes, know how to make chocolate mousse and look great on the dancefloor.

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TheSparrowhawk · 18/07/2017 17:51

I find it bizarre that anyone would think a guy who grew up playing and enjoying himself would struggle to get a partner. Surely the guy who had stupid parents who forced him to be 'masculine' would struggle more?

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BroomstickOfLove · 18/07/2017 17:52

Although any man who uses the word 'friendzone" is not a man I'd be interested in sexually anyway.

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TheSparrowhawk · 18/07/2017 17:55

Yes, Broomstick, they tend to think of women as sex dispensers - normal friendly behaviour in, sex out. They would never just be friendly to a woman in order to be friends, god no, women aren't for that!

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ethelfleda · 18/07/2017 17:55

This is a strange concept. I am currently expecting a boy and he can play with whatever he likes when he older. Likewise he will learn how to cook AND clean as well as kick a football around. My DH was raised this way by his parents and he is definitely not gay and the least chauvinistic person on the planet. But is definitely not 'soft' either. It's a testament to his parents and the way he was raised IMO.

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 17:57

It appears that a lot of you are forcing your own agenda on young children.

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LaurieMarlow · 18/07/2017 17:57

My MIL is like this. She has some, shall we say 'old fashioned' opinions.

Her thinking seems to be if you give a boy a barbie, it might trigger a collapse of the social order, leading to anarchy and chaos for all. Or something Confused

But it's dressed up as 'afraid he'll be bullied'.

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Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 18:00

It appears that a lot of you are forcing your own agenda on young children.

No I'm not, I'm not forcing anything on them. That's the point, NOT forcing anything on them, allowing them to play with/be into/wear what they want. DS1 loved nothing more than dressing as a princess at nursery and sparkles. He's 10 now and not into that any more, he's all Minecraft, F1 and football. But that's because he chose to be.
DD is a very girly girl in some ways and not in others. And DS2 at the moment is like a magpie, he loves anything sparkly and shiny. Taking the simple joy little kids get from things and telling them they can't have it because of their gender is forcing agendas on them.

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ReinettePompadour · 18/07/2017 18:01

FuckleberryDunne

It appears that a lot of you are forcing your own agenda on young children As are you Angry

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 18:01

There are differences between male and female. The emasculation of young men is causes a lot of mental health issues, at an extreme point, a bunch of autogynophiles who get off on their own fake femininity, instead of being with a woman.

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justkeepswimmingg · 18/07/2017 18:02

Fuckleberry I don't personally own the nursery, and cannot agree to arrangements as such that will affect the other children. Even if I owned the nursery I would never agree. In ensuring he did not play or part take with the toys/games his father disagreed with, it would have meant taking them out of the nursery. How would you feel if your DD came home to say her favourite doll at nursery had been taken away? Upon querying the staff tell you a little boy isn't allowed to play with it so it had to be removed. If he didn't agree with the toys supplied at the nursery he had he choice to remove his child.

'It appears that a lot of you are forcing your own agenda on young children.'
Also does this not contradict what you just said?! Is the father not forcing his own agenda onto his young child?! Double standards much.

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Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 18:03

Right so I'm a woman, but I'm not into traditionally feminine things, in fact cars, football and motorsport are my "things", does that make me weird? Does it fuck.

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NellieFiveBellies · 18/07/2017 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 18:08

Encouraging healthy behavior is not forcing an agenda, its protecting them from the madness of the current trend to push the trans agenda, leading to a lifetime of problems.

Those who just are gay will find their way later. Im not pretending ild be happy to have a gay son, and would not be encouraging it. I also wouldn't disown a child.

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ReinettePompadour · 18/07/2017 18:08

Of course there are differences but you dont confuse children into becoming lgbt etc by allowing them to try things. By not allowing you are making out its somehow wrong and your child will also then believe those things are wrong and the world is a mess because of it.

If my son decides he likes to swirl in a dress its got nothing to do with you or anyone else. He has fun while doing it and goes back to his minecraft.

Stop suggesting theres something wrong with allowing boys to play with things usually considered feminine.

You be careful if you ever need to pay a bill, fix a shelf, you better change out of your trousers too else you may become overly masculine and we wouldn't want you being confused about that Angry

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 18:12

Exactly, religion isnt gender, it's not something you are born with. Gender, on the other hand is not a choice.

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StinkyMcgrinky · 18/07/2017 18:12

Fickleberry I would much rather my children grow up gay rather than have views such as this. Actively discourage your own children from being who they are? Disgraceful

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NellieFiveBellies · 18/07/2017 18:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwentyYears · 18/07/2017 18:14

Fuckleberry please let us know if you make your MH claim from a position of knowledge (profession or research) as I believe you are wrong. Men develop MH issues for a wide variety of reasons, just like women. Frequently mem show up later as they have more difficulty expressing emotion. I think you'll find that that is correlated to being critisied for showing emotion in childhood i.e. 'Don't be girly'. Nuffield said.

OP posts:
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Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 18:19

Those who just are gay will find their way later. Im not pretending ild be happy to have a gay son, and would not be encouraging it. I also wouldn't disown a child.

Wow, just wow. I couldn't give a shiny shite if my kids are gay or straight, my priority is making sure they grow up to be happy, fulfilled, kind, decent, capable human beings. And don't even start me on the "trans agenda" shite, it's absolute bollocks. Sexuality and gender hasn't even entered my head when dealing with my toddlers, why? Because they're fucking kids, and I'm going to let them enjoy being kids and finding their way in the world without forcing adult issues onto them.

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Ladymadness · 18/07/2017 18:26

Pushing the trans agenda ?? How ? By letting our children be themselves and not forcing them to play with stereotypical "male" or "female" Toys ?

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QuackDuckQuack · 18/07/2017 18:27

I wonder whether there will be even more parental pressure to conform to gender stereotypes given the 'my 5 year old trans child' articles that pop up occasionally in the news. If people genuinely believe that a 5 year old can make a decision like that based on things like clothes and toys, then I can imagine they would encourage conformity at a young age.

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QuackDuckQuack · 18/07/2017 18:29

Crickey - massive x post.

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BroomstickOfLove · 18/07/2017 18:31

Encouraging healthy behaviour in a 5 year old mean supervising toothbrushing and hand-washing; giving baths; providing a range of relatively unrefined foods and letting them eat as much of it they need; encouraging enough sleep, keeping them warm when it's cold and protecting them from the sun, giving them the chance to run around and play with a variety of toys and talk and listen to them.

It doesn't mean restricting play do that girls can only play carer/domestic worker/showgirl/creator of beauty and boys can only play builder/athlete/killer/destroyer/creator of mess.

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 18:38

Trying to erase gender lines is not going to stop injustices between the sexes.

Encouraging or allowing a boy nail polish, dresses or my little pony is not going to make the world a better place, but is sure is going to confuse him.

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