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AIBU?

To not understand why some parents get so scared

216 replies

TwentyYears · 18/07/2017 12:03

Why do parents of boys get so scared of giving them something they perceive may be 'girly'? What are they scared might happen?

Yesterday passed on a toy to a friend's DS, age 3 ish, that was branded with what I think is a character. Parent sees it as a girls character and was worried about DS's reaction!!!! DS loved it.

See this sort of thing happen all the time. School friends come to play and I can lay money on fact boys will say either 'Oh DD doesn't have girls toys' or (standing in front of science equipment) 'I don't play with girl's toys'. Once saw another 3yr old try to dress up in his sister's pink skirt and DF went crazy at him.

Feeling really sorry for boys at the mo. Why do parents think boys are in danger from 'girls stuff'? And what do they think would happen if they played with it?

(Name changed to post as have tried to ask this in RL but it seems to cause offence)

OP posts:
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whirlycurly · 18/07/2017 18:40

I love that ds at nearly 10 has never given a shit what colour his things are. He happily surfed in his flowery shorts on his bright pink body board at the beach last week. If people ever make a fuss about things for boys being pink, or something being for girls he looks bemused and asks why they care.

He's into his football, cars and other traditionally laddish interests so I like that he has this side to him. The only thing he's ever refused to wear were some character wellies that he deemed babyish.

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Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 18:41

How is it going to confuse him? And there's a very big difference between allowing and encouraging. Allowing is giving your child freedom to explore the world around them, encouraging is pushing what you think they should be doing onto them. I can't decide if you're being deliberately goady or you just can't understand. Either way, you're completely wrong.

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AssassinatedBeauty · 18/07/2017 18:42

How is having nail polish, dresses or my little ponies going to confuse a small child? Confuse them about what?

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Flowersandfootballs · 18/07/2017 18:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BroomstickOfLove · 18/07/2017 18:47

I'm not trying to erase gender lines. I'm accepting that a love of shiny sparkly things is normal for both male and female toddlers, a curiosity about the world is normal for both male and female toddlers, strong sexual feelings are normal in both male and female teenagers and an ability to cook, clean, budget, do basic household maintenance and deal with spiders is normal for both male and female adults.

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justwhiisitwhosvotingtory · 18/07/2017 18:47

Overheard a mum at nursery complaining that the the uniform at her sons school was a 'girls' colour? It's purple FFS!

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Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 18:48

'm not trying to erase gender lines. I'm accepting that a love of shiny sparkly things is normal for both male and female toddlers, a curiosity about the world is normal for both male and female toddlers, strong sexual feelings are normal in both male and female teenagers and an ability to cook, clean, budget, do basic household maintenance and deal with spiders is normal for both male and female adults.

This sums up far more succinctly and articulately than I managed everything I was trying to say.

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 18:57

Im not of the opinion that anyone is born gay. We are never going to agree about that.

My son will leave home able and expecting to share in childcare, cooking, and domestic chores, with a healthy respect for women.

Its possible to raise a good male child into a man, without emasculating him. You dont have to be female to be good!

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Ladymadness · 18/07/2017 19:01

Encouraging or allowing a boy nail polish, dresses or my little pony is not going to make the world a better place, but is sure is going to confuse him.

I disagree you are making it more confusing to a child to say no you can't play with that because it's for boys/girls not girls/boys
The child will start to think that there is something wrong with them because they are let's say female but enjoy "male" things such as football or cars. When in reality people can like whatever the fuck they like no matter what there gender is.

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AssassinatedBeauty · 18/07/2017 19:07

Nail polish, dresses and my little ponies aren't female in themselves. They are things which in our culture are stereotypically feminine or associated with being females, there is nothing about them that is inevitably female.

A boy/man who likes nail polish isn't emasculated. They just like nail polish.

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LynetteScavo · 18/07/2017 19:09

Encouraging or allowing a boy nail polish, dresses or my little pony is not going to make the world a better place, but is sure is going to confuse him.


Hahahaha! Grin

I'd like to assure all readers of this thread my boys are not at all confused, well not about their sexuality or gender anyway, despite being exposed to pink and frilly things as a small child.

Even DD seems pretty certain she's a girl even though she wore her brothers hand me down blue PJs. Grin DM was convinced she would be confused about her gender because I engaged in such crazy parenting.

There are people who are convinced boys will be gay if they do "girly" things. They are fools.

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Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 19:15

Im not of the opinion that anyone is born gay. We are never going to agree about that

Oh you're one of "those" parents. Grin

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BogQueens · 18/07/2017 19:18

Gosh, Fuckle, I dread to think what kinds of messages you are passing to your son about 'emasculation' and its relationship to a femininity perceived as decorative.

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 19:19

Grin yup.

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 19:20

My lovely, sweet, gentle boy is absolutely fine, thanks.

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NellieFiveBellies · 18/07/2017 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 19:25

Fuckle I reckon you're a MIL thread in the making 😂

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BroomstickOfLove · 18/07/2017 19:26

If you are serious, Fuckleberry, can I ask you how you expect to raise a son who is competent in cooking, cleaning, and with a healthy respect for women by teaching him that men and women have inherently different natural aptitudes and that anyone crossing over that line of natural gendered behaviour will be ridiculed and unable to find a partner?

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BoggledMind · 18/07/2017 19:28

If it makes you feel any better, it isn't just boys who are targeted in this silly way. My FIL told me that I shouldn't dress my newborn dd in blue because "it will turn her into a lesbian"?!?! Go figure.

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ReinettePompadour · 18/07/2017 19:30

For those who think exposing boys to pink will harm their masculinity:

Financial Times: Its salmon-pink pages have turned “salmon press” into British shorthand for any newspaper business section.

Boys' rowing: Teams at Eton and Westminster competed for the right to claim pink as their school colour in the 19th century.

Nantucket Red: The shade, which looks a lot like pink, became popular for preppy men and women in 1945.

Macy's: Department stores started colour-coding by gender in the late 1920s to discourage the use of hand-me-downs; Macy’s pushed pink as the boys’ colour.

World War II: Japanese kamikaze planes featured cherry blossoms on their sides.

Cycling: The leader of Italy’s Giro d’Italia race wears a pink jersey.

Stocks: Pink-sheet stocks are thus named because their quotes were once printed on pink paper.

Feminists: Their 1970s backlash against pink actually cemented it as a “girl’s” colour.

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Rufus27 · 18/07/2017 19:30

My son has a bright pink buggy (we bought it from Gumtree and it looked red, collected it in the dark and never checked). Initially I wondered what people would think, but now I find pushing him in it quite empowering. He also has a pink comforter, simply because he lost the old one and they had run out of brown ones when I went for a replacement. He is very much a boy in terms of his appearance, yet you can guarantee someone will refer to him as a girl when we're out and he has it. (I always chuckle when I point out he's a boy - people always look so awkward).

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Afterthenight · 18/07/2017 19:31

Years ago we had a two year old who loved the doll and pram in nursery. His Dad specifically came in nursery and demanded that we didn't let him play with it...

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AssassinatedBeauty · 18/07/2017 19:34

Because Dads never look after babies or push prams? What an idiot.

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AssassinatedBeauty · 18/07/2017 19:35

*dads. No idea why that was capitalised.

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 19:36

Men and women are different. Ive never once ridiculed him, I just said no.

Knowing he is a boy, and that means no dresses, nail polish or dolls, does not hinder him from doing his chores, helping me get supper ready, making brownies, or having respect for girls.

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