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AIBU?

To not understand why some parents get so scared

216 replies

TwentyYears · 18/07/2017 12:03

Why do parents of boys get so scared of giving them something they perceive may be 'girly'? What are they scared might happen?

Yesterday passed on a toy to a friend's DS, age 3 ish, that was branded with what I think is a character. Parent sees it as a girls character and was worried about DS's reaction!!!! DS loved it.

See this sort of thing happen all the time. School friends come to play and I can lay money on fact boys will say either 'Oh DD doesn't have girls toys' or (standing in front of science equipment) 'I don't play with girl's toys'. Once saw another 3yr old try to dress up in his sister's pink skirt and DF went crazy at him.

Feeling really sorry for boys at the mo. Why do parents think boys are in danger from 'girls stuff'? And what do they think would happen if they played with it?

(Name changed to post as have tried to ask this in RL but it seems to cause offence)

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NellieFiveBellies · 18/07/2017 15:57

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TwentyYears · 18/07/2017 16:06

Northern so are you teaching them they need to be masculine otherwise they will be bullied?
Could this be perpetuating the issue? What uf one of them didn't feel at all masculine?

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 16:30

Ive taught my son to knit, cook, help me clean the house.

When he was three, he asked me for glittery nail polish like mine. I told him no, because boys dont wear nail polish. Same went for his sisters dresses. He accepted it, and is a perfectly happy, normal preteen lad.
Its my job as a mother to tell him about societal norms, and not to encourage unwelcome behavior.
Some mothers I think actively want and encourage their sons to be gay.

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eeniemeenieminiemoe2014 · 18/07/2017 16:32

I couldnt give two hoots what toys my two play with, I have one of each so my house is a big variety and they both get free access to whatever they want to play with.

unless it needs genitals to use it its for boys or girls.

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Mothervulva · 18/07/2017 16:40

Goodness Fuck, you sound like a dry balls.

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TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/07/2017 16:40

Christ yeah, keep him away from the glittery nail polish or what'll be next, developing a love of musical theatre and a limp handshake?

Mind you, DD2 is the world's girliest girl imaginable and she's currently lolling about in the garden in full make up and heels with her equally girly girlfriend. What's a mum to do eh?

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TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/07/2017 16:44

Actually My DS1 is not remotely macho. He is in his own word "pretty and fun". He seems to be mostly beating the girls off with a stick. Not all women want a Neanderthal.

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Rufustherenegadereindeer1 · 18/07/2017 16:48

Waering nail varnish doesnt make you gay for goodness sake

Wait... if a girl doesnt wear nail varnish does that make her gay?

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NellieFiveBellies · 18/07/2017 16:49

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 16:49

Im was not going to be encouraging confusion, anguish and long term misery, just so I get to feel like a cool mom.

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BogQueens · 18/07/2017 16:49

Fuckle, unless there's a memo I've missed, it isn't a societal norm in 2017 for boys to knit, any more than wear glittery nail varnish. Why obey one and not the other? Hmm

What 'unwelcome behaviour' does nail varnish encourage, pray? Because my five year old DS has been wearing it to a football summer camp since school ended. The heavens haven't caved in.

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StinkyMcgrinky · 18/07/2017 16:49

I know it's been said but just to reiterate, some parents of boys. I have two boys and don't give a monkeys what they want to play with or what clothes they want to wear. DS (2) has asked for a baby and a buggy to push around so he has one, which is obviously pink as that's the only colour they sell them in Hmm and I've been asked why I let him play with girls toys.

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StinkyMcgrinky · 18/07/2017 16:53

I've just spoken with a good, gay, friend of mine and can confirm he has never worn nail varnish in his life. His mother must have out it on his nails before he could remember. DS is 2 and has a good memory so I think I've missed the window and will have to give up organising our family trip to Pride in 2025. Blast

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TinklyLittleLaugh · 18/07/2017 16:58

You could sneak it on while he is asleep Stink. Don't put that rainbow banner in the loft just yet.

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NellieFiveBellies · 18/07/2017 17:00

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justkeepswimmingg · 18/07/2017 17:03

I once looked after a 3 year old boy, at a nursery I worked at, who's dad had problems with certain toys/games. He said: no prams, no dolls, no glitter, no pink, no dressing up costumes. We never agreed to follow these 'rules'. Ironically the little boy loved wearing the princess costumes, always used glitter with art work, would baby wear the dolls, and push buggies around. Dad was mortified if he ever saw him in those positions upon collection. Apparently his son was already too 'sensitive'.

I have a DS (2) who has 3 dolls, 2 buggies and a scarf we use to baby wear. He also loves cars, bikes, bugs and other stereotypical boys toys/games.

Agree with other PP about it being due to society, fear of being bullied and pressure.

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midnightmisssuki · 18/07/2017 17:10

TheSparrowhawk absolutely - but this must be what he wants and his own choice. He's only 9 months old so perhaps it'll be a while before he asks for anything though Smile What i will not do is offer a dress up to him just for the sake of it, he is far too young now to understand any of it so for now, i get to choose and i choose more boyish colours.

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amousehaseatenmypaddlingpool · 18/07/2017 17:15

Totally agree OP.

For long boring reasons which I won't go into, I sometimes take 'little girl' items home for DS to trial. Many of my colleagues think I'm doing something amazing.

I firmly believe that in a lot of parts of this country, a girl dressed as batman is seen as a wonderful thing, but a boy dressed like Elsa is a joke.

We need to keep pushing back, which is why my son gets manicures and other 'girly' things. I hope that by the time he grows up a bit the whole pansexual presentation thing that teenagers are experimenting with right now will filter through and break down some of these stereotypes.

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midnightmisssuki · 18/07/2017 17:15

TheSparrowhawk I have an older daughter by the way and she has dolls, prams, a bright pink slide. I will in no way refuse my son to play with any of these either. My daughter has no trains or cars because we were not given them by anyone, nor did we buy her any because she already had so many toys gifted to her by grandparents and uncles and aunts.

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StinkyMcgrinky · 18/07/2017 17:35

tinkly I still have my 1 year old. I've thrown some falsies at him and have put show tunes on - there is still time Wink

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Notreallyarsed · 18/07/2017 17:37

DS2 was delighted with his sparkly nail polish that he got done at the nursery fun day a few weeks ago Grin DD wasn't interested at all. I've never understood why people have an issue with it. They just bairns ffs, let them play in their innocence without forcing beliefs or stereotypes onto them!

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FuckleberryDunne · 18/07/2017 17:42

So, you were paid to care for a child, given instructions on the parents wishes, and ignored them? Dont you consider that very unprofessional of you, and not your decision to make regarding the boy?

There is a world of difference between knitting a hat, knowing how to make supper and clean up, sending a capable adult into the world, and feminizing a boy.

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Wildernesswandering · 18/07/2017 17:46

My 3 boys have all owned baby dolls and buggies in their time and my 5 year old shyly admits to pink bring his favourite colour. We tell him that there's nothing wrong with that!

My SIL was hoffified when my son offered my niece one of his dinosaurs, so it happens both ways. I was surprised as I thought these days most mothers of girls wouldn't encourage those sort of stereotypes...

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TheSparrowhawk · 18/07/2017 17:46

Fickle I honestly didn't think anyone was stupid enough to think like you do. Looks like I gave people too much credit

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Wildernesswandering · 18/07/2017 17:47

Horrified!

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