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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Pooing at the table in the pub garden

211 replies

Freetodowhatiwant · 18/07/2017 10:25

This happened on the weekend but I’m still mulling it over and unsure whether IABU so thought I would open it to the MN jury.

On Sunday we were sitting in a nice pub garden, leafy London suburb, a pub known for its food. Seating is picnic benches, close together, on a patio area with large sun shades above. There is a more open, fake grass area where kids play/people lounge on deckchairs nearby but we weren’t in it.

Picnic benches were all full. We were there with an almost-5 year old and a 2 and a half year old.

At the picnic bench next to us were two couples with two children aged close to 3. The Dad whipped out a potty and asked the small boy if he needed a poo. Small boy sat down for quite a while, as potty training kids do, and after about 10/15 minutes did a massive stinky poo. At the table in the pub/restaurant garden right next to all the other customers.

When they whipped out the potty I couldn’t quite believe it going to happen – I hoped they were just trying to encourage him to sit on it – but when the wall of smell hit me I couldn’t help but say something. I said to DH (a bit too loudly so for that I might have been unreasonable) ‘Oh my god it stinks’ but in my defence I was just so surprised they let the child poo at the table where everyone sits and eats (note: we were still waiting for food, not yet eating). I then said to the parents something along the lines of I know what it’s like to potty train but, really, did you have to do this at the table/could you not have gone somewhere else? They said sorry, walked the potty through all the other customers inside to clean it out in the loo and that was that.

But – WIBU to say something to the parents? Is pooing at the table in a potty something acceptable and I am just a loser about it (admittedly I am really not great with poo smells - I would've hated it even if I was one of the people they walked passed inside carrying an open potty with a poo in it)? I understand, in a way, not wanting to go and stand in the toilets with the potty for ten or 15 mins but when I potty trained my eldest I think I would personally taken the child somewhere less occupied and somewhere where people are not eating and drinking! I realise accidents happen too but this was a deliberate getting the potty out and getting him to have a poo a the table situation.

OP posts:
user1489675144 · 18/07/2017 12:53

NO YANBU - they are skanky - who wants to eat food near to a person having a poo - toilets are there for a reason - yuck

NormaSmuff · 18/07/2017 12:56

i think it is ok to let a toddler have a poo on the grass if they need a poo, and clean it up after them, but out of smell of other people

GogoGobo · 18/07/2017 12:59

Now I've read this thread I can smell shit.
And I'm at home in my couch.
Totally unacceptable and the foulest of foul behaviour 😡

Original poster
Freetodowhatiwant · 18/07/2017 13:00

Hurrah, a unanimous AIBU. I would love to know what the parents would say. They were with another couple who must also have had some opinion on it.

OP posts:
usernameavailable · 18/07/2017 13:06

YANBU! My daughter has a fear of public toilets. As soon as we walk in them she freaks out. I think becausd they are echoey and loud. But when changing her bum I would not change her in public. I go through hell in toilet to change her. She is screaming like she is being tortured. Even with a sing songy voice telling her it will only be a few seconds. When she will be toilet trained and she needs to go toilet, i will be taking her to the toilet. I wouldn't dream of letting her sit on potty to do a wee or poop in front if others! Unhygienic!

Sunshinegirls · 18/07/2017 13:06

Normastuff, I agree Its maybe ok for a toddler but this kid was at least 4 maybe even 5 years old. The parents said, "just go and shit over there on the grass" when the kid requested a toilet. Busy park, sunny day.

Butteredparsnip1ps · 18/07/2017 13:08

I'm struggling to imagine what they were thinking.

I used a fold up child-sized toilet seat and actual toilets. Ones with flushes and everything. Even then, I could never understand carrying a potty around...

surely part of toilet training is teaching children, where they should go, bum-wiping, hand washing etc?

badtime · 18/07/2017 13:22

MsHoolies, I remember the John Lewis potty saga. The OP was indignant because, as John Lewis sold the potty involved, surely they couldn't object to its use on the premises. Then someone pointed out that Boots sells condoms...

FrancisCrawford · 18/07/2017 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PoppyJ1 · 18/07/2017 13:27

Completely unacceptable. I would definitely have said much worse.

I had a less extreme experience a while ago. I had a family sitting behind me on a long haul flight who changed their child's very smelly nappy on the seat. It wasn't a baby; the child was old enough to talk, kick my seat and whack me on the head during the flight. I was so surprised I didn't know what to say or even if I should say something.

Aeroflotgirl · 18/07/2017 13:28

Its disgusting, lazy parenting, they should have taken him to the toilet, aren't they trying to toilet train him!

PuppyMonkey · 18/07/2017 13:28

This is truly horrible, although I must admit I was relieved to find out that the person pooing at the pub table was a kid, rather than a fully grown adult. Couldn't quite guess from the thread title. Wink

Aeroflotgirl · 18/07/2017 13:29

I would have informed the pub staff, its unhygeinic! If the boy can sit on the toilet for 15 mins, before he drops one, he can blooming go to the toilet.

BigChocFrenzy · 18/07/2017 13:31

I expect some of those cafes and restaurants that ban children have had such experiences before and have lost customers who've immediately left in disgust, without waiting for staff action.

Tofutti · 18/07/2017 13:35

YANBU. I would have had to leave pronto.

RedStripeIassie · 18/07/2017 13:43

It's a bit gross but I can't get too worked up over it!

wotsfortea · 18/07/2017 14:07

Many moons (ahem) ago I took my children to a Thomas the Tank Engine show in a big theatre. Spent quite a lot of money for me and the kids. Had an aisle seat in the theatre. Was enjoying the show when noticed the faint whiff of shit ... looked behind me and this woman had plonked her toddler on his potty in the aisle of the theatre (not 3 feet from the entrance to the loos) and let him take a dump in the middle of the show. And I didn't get my money back!

requestingsunshine · 18/07/2017 14:08

I saw a family let their kid go and shit on the grass in the park then they cleaned it up after like the kid was a dog.

I have actually had to do this. There were no toilets anywhere nearby and my ds (3) had been constipated for 2 days and of course he picks the time when no toilets for miles around to urgently need it. But we did go behind some bushes as far out of view as possible and there were hardly any people around anyway. I then had to pick it up like you would for a dog and put it in a dog poo bin. Because he had been constipated not a trace of it was left behind and anyway it was in a place where I wouldn't have thought anyone would be walking or playing. I did feel embarrassed though, but I really had no choice.

I have potty trained 4 dc and have never taken out a potty in a public place (except a toilet) for them to use. I cannot understand anyone who would deliberately do this. If the child had an accident, that can't be helped, but if you notice they look like they need a poo you take them to the toilet (unless no toilets for miles, then you're stuck with my scenario above - but usually in that scenario it isn't heavily populated by diners!)

RortyCrankle · 18/07/2017 15:34

How absolutely disgusting. I'm sure they consider their child akin to the second coming but this sense of entitlement some parents seem to have is really ridiculous.

I think I would have asked where they lived so if I needed a poo while out, they would obviously have no problem me doing it in their garden.

emma2468 · 18/07/2017 20:21

When caught short with potty training little people I would put the potty in the car boot for them to use (stationery car!) but if there is a toilet you use it! Gross!!

Mittens1969 · 18/07/2017 20:39

YANBU, that is gross, shit really stinks; it really isn't on to put your child on a potty within sight of other diners, especially not if your child needs a poo. When potty training I always took my DDs to a pub toilet before going to eat, and if there was an urgent need for a poo I could take them to the toilet (or the baby change if there was an accident).

If a child is in the very early stages of potty training and really can't wait, either put them in a pull-up/nappy or stay at home.

squizita · 18/07/2017 20:44

He should have taken the potty to the toilets or round the back/side of the pub.

I have a DC on movicol who has a 3 minute trigger and if I can manage that anyone can. She is also utterly terrified of hand driers. I scope out somewhere secluded on the way in. Part of the territory.
Although people who claim if a kid can use a potty they can use a toilet are equally fucking stupid. A near fall in can cause months of set backs and a small for their age child simply cannot get into the right position to poo comfortably and safely. Never mind that many adults "hover" over public loos, ad they can be filthy.

MrsMeeseeks · 18/07/2017 20:44

YANBU YANBU YANBU

user1840873076 · 18/07/2017 20:47

Did they wipe his bum?? Or did they just pull up his pants??

Stressed1912 · 18/07/2017 20:48

YANBU That's disgusting I have never understood public potty use like that, the effort (and added 'grossness') of taking the potty to the toilet to empty could be used taking child and potty into the bathroom in the first place..