... to want a baby at 20?

[broodynotbonkers]

This is my first post on Mumsnet so please be kind!

I'm 20 and have lived with DP (31) for over two years now. We're very committed to each other and have been from the start. He's loving, mature, trustworthy, kind and funny - I would say yes if he proposed, in other words. We both work full time but I don't earn a great amount.

I've spent the past year feeling really broody and keen to get married. I've always wanted to have children pretty young. He knew this when we started going out. I come from a small family and so does he, so we want at least two kids.

However while DP wants kids with me one day, I don't think he'll ever be 'ready' for them. I know it's technically still early days in the relationship but he was with his ex for about 9 years without proposal/marriage - I don't want that! I wouldn't break up with him over it but we'd be having a very serious chat about where the relationship was heading.

I understand that having kids is a huge decision and I've never looked after a baby or child before, so I have no idea what it would be like (difficult, I'm assuming!) but I just can't help it! Some days I just can't get the idea out of my head.

If I accidentally became pregnant, he's said he'd support whatever decision I make. He'd be alright with it, even if it's not ideal. (I'd never pierce a condom or anything btw, I'd only want to try to conceive with his acceptance!)

My head says it's a bad idea as I'm too young, not married and living in a small rental flat in an urban area, which is not the sort of place I envisioned raising a child.
My heart says baby baby baby

Apologies for rambling, I just want to know AIBU for wanting a baby or am I just impatient? Is it something I should consider seriously, or should I tell the broodiness to just get lost?

I had a baby at 20. You're very young at 20, I didn't feel it at the time, I felt really mature and worldly but I look back and go

This is ringing rather large alarm bells for me: "As far as I know, most blokes are a bit crap."

Yep, I thought that at 20 too. Hang around the MN relationships board for a while reading various threads (even/especially the ones where you think "God, he isn't THAT bad!!") and look up some of the "Nice things about your partner" threads and also read some/all of www.baggagereclaim.co.uk . I had really low standards for relationships because I believed all these myths that men and women are totally different creatures and all of the stereotypes, that most men are messy, unreliable, emotionally closed off and much more interested in sex than women (or see sex as a more separate thing from emotion whereas women see them as linked.) When my partner was insecure I thought that it was my job to reassure him and that I could fix it. I later realised that this wasn't the case and that an insecure person can really drag the relationship down and that jealousy isn't really an excusable thing. There was a lot more stuff but really someone you want to marry and have children with should be much more than this. I need to go because DH needs me tonight, but I'll be back to elaborate, if you want to. Sorry I can't really go into any more detail right now!

Hold off on the baby. Definitely. If you're still with him in 5/10 years and everything is still great then fine, but there is really no rush, and it's horrible having a baby with someone you later realise wasn't the right person. You sound like you've got your head screwed on so wait a little while to see what comes with a bit more maturity and life experience. It's fairly common for late-teens relationships to hit a rough patch or fall apart when you reach your early 20s not because anybody in the relationship has done anything wrong, but just because you go through a lot of changes in that period and you can grow apart. It would be a shame to find that happening after there's a child involved. Better to wait and see if you come through that session of life first.