To think someone never being in a relationship is odd

[scenesatthemusuem]

Why might this be the case I wonder?

I'm 31 and single, and I love it. I have a great family, mortgage, job and friends - I don't feel I'm missing out on a relationship. I'm also now pregnant thanks to fertility treatment and wouldn't change a thing.

My point is some people are perfectly happy not being in a relationship. If that's your friend then I don't see what the big deal is to be honest. Better to be happy than to make yourself unhappy just to follow "convention" in my opinion.

I know this is about a woman, I am a man but I've seen a few about some feeling judgey about it on here, I could write why I haven't and how things have conspired against me having one, but it'll be long and I don't want to do it if nobody is interested, but I would be interested in some people's take on it also if I'm honest .

Stop the single-shaming, OP. There are real demographic reasons why a lot of women are single. And jot being in a "romantic" relationship is not odd

My very good friend was like this. No relationships of a romantic nature at all, but loads of friends, nice career etc. She got to 35 and decided she wasn't prepared to wait any longer and through sperm donation, had a child. She is a very happy, adoring mother, her child, now in their teens, is a credit to her.
Funnily enough, a couple of years ago she met someone, they're still together but it's very arms length, her priority is her child. They all seem deleriously happy.

If this is a reverse, then do it. Once we had got over the initial "crickey did you hear?" which lasted an evening, nothing odd was said. You only regret the things you never do.

I'm 26 and I've never even been on a date. I don't think it's as unusual as most people think. Threads along these lines comes up fairly regularly and most people seem to know at least one person who's never had a relationship. Loads of different stories and reasons why.

33 here. Longest relationship 10 months. Single for a decade. Not asexual, and I would like children

plenty of people are perfectly happy on their own. Why should everyone want relationships?
This ^

Also most people spend the best part of their day during the best years of their life at work, most probably with other people (unless they are night watchmen, forest rangers, etc). It is everyone's personal preference whether they want to spend the little free time they have outside work with other people (and the same one(s)) or not.

I spent years worrying about my 'failure' to hold a relationship together and my dislike of sex with anyone (male or female). My longest relationship was 5 months. I always wanted a child and felt my dislike of sex meant it'd never happen.

I now have a DS and I've not had sex for 4 years and probably never will again. I can honestly say I've never been or ever expected to be so content. I wish I'd know it'd all work out years ago I would've been so much happier.

To some extent I think never being in a relationship is odd but I think it's society expecting certain behaviours. I believed I had to make a relationship work to have a family of my own when that's really not the case.

Given some of the relationship threads on here, I'm happy to be single and too bloody busy with kids, FT work, a house to run etc.

There isn't exactly a surfeit of decent, single men out there anyway. Those my age want to date 25 year olds!

Don't go thinking op that
being single = sad bastard/ loner/oddball/Never has a shag.
She could have a different bloke every night for all anyone knows.
At the end of the day. Nooone knows anyone.

I have a very good friend who is now in her 40's and has never had a relationship. She isn't desperate as she's very committed to her job and has always been ambivalent about children. I don't know if she's a virgin, but I think there were a few casual flings when she was younger.

She says that she just doesn't meet any man who finds her attractive. She is overweight, but is gorgeous. And is funny, intelligent and incredibly kind. As far as I'm concerned she is a definite catch, so to,speak, but men just don't fancy her. She's not picky, just no interest at all.

As Pps have said, there could be a long list of reasons. From your posts it sounds as though she has confidence issues.

I've never been in a relationship (at age 27) - sometimes I feel I'd like to be, however mostly I'm happy in my own company. In my case it's down to awkwardness and lack of social skills. In my teens I was "odd", and now that I can "blend in" a little more I simply don't really get any opportunities as I don't go out much and work in a mostly single-sex setting - and I'm not the sort of person who would put myself out there or go looking for it. There's also always some excuse why it can't be now - I'm overweight, in debt, inexperienced. And of course the latter sticks out more the longer it goes on, and makes it more awkward.

But - those are my reasons, and there's every chance your friend is entirely different.

(Like neverhad I'm not sure if this is of any relevance/use, but thought I would add my 2p worth).

To answer your question simply, I think it's probably unusual, but perhaps not as much as you would think, and there could be many, many reasons. I definitely wouldn't jump to judgement.

OP you must be very young or immature to think never being in a relationship is odd.
take a look on the relationship board, with the myriad of issues and unhappy couples it's a wonder anyone wants to take that step.
the people who I know who have been long term single genuinely seem content in their own skin, active enjoying life to the fullest.
spending money on what they want when they want.

I didn't have a proper, as in take him home to meet my parents, relationship, until I was 28. I'd had plenty of flings but nothing serious. It wasn't that I didn't want a relationship earlier, I just didn't find the right person. I had a very active social life and I was reasonably attractive, but it just didn't happen until then. I am glad however, as we've now been together 7 years and it was our third wedding anniversary last week

I had ds from a fling, but I've been single 10 years now. I like it. Life is good, uncomplicated, we please our self and I can't imagine having a whole other person either in my space physically or emotionally. There's nothing wrong with me I don't think, I just, I dunno, aren't bothered about it!

better single than lurching from one relationship to another while spreading pain, and potentially having unplanned/unsupported children.

Being single should be seen as a good thing.

I know far too many people who make some really bad choices and really fuck up their lives just so that they can be with somebody. If being single was seen as the default, and being in a couple only seen as "if you're really sure" then a lot of problems would be solved.

I've never had a proper relationship. No absue, parents still married (30+ years), wonderful childhood, nothing bad has ever happened to me.

I just really enjoy being alone. I don't want to have to change for someone else, I'm extremely busy with my hobby and work and I've just never met anyone who made me think it might be worthwhile to put the effort in. My female friends keep having relationships with men that make my choice look so much better. That's the 'nice' way to put it, I guess the less kind description is that I'm selfish. It makes it easier that I certainly don't want children (I have enough in my life without having my own) so this isn't a problem for me but I certainly feel for your friend.

Like others, I don't know if this is helpful.

I've not been in a relationship either, then again I'm still young (22). Mainly because I have ASD so I find socialising difficult and also I have low self esteem. My same age friend said a couple of years ago that it was odd for someone of our age to have never had a relationship. I think she really wanted to be in one, had had crushes etc but had never had anything in return. She then got into a relationship that was almost entirely sex based, as in they did pretty much nothing else together. Yes we were uni students but they didn't even do anything like go to the cinema, go to dinner together, nothing. The relationship ended badly, and after a break (her year abroad) they started sleeping together again.
Better to have had no relationship at all than be so desperate for one you go for the first guy who shows interest and who then turns out to be not so great (he cheated on her).

Oh just another point to add on from my post earlier. I don't want a relationship, but, I would -in an ideal world - like another child. I don't know if it is just because I have always parented alone, but I have never connected the two. So just because your friend says she would like children, doesn't automatically mean she wants a partner I guess.

Recently met an absolutely gorgeous man who had been a carer for his father for the best part of his 50 years on this earth so far.

He was bloody gorgeous, inside and out.

If you are shy and awkward it's easy to go years or a lifetime without a date. Online dating is unbearable and doesn't work out anyway. Also if you are shy you often don't have many friends, the friends you do have are ones you've had for ages so you aren't meeting any new people through them.

Some people just seem to fall in to relationships/flings and therefore think that people that don't must be actively avoiding these things. But they aren't. It's just that nothing happens and time passes by so quickly.

I don't think it's strange at all. My partner was single most of his life until he met me. He very much enjoys his own company and works from home so likes to be alone when he does. It never bothered him that he didn't have a girlfriend until he met me - he was just busy with other things. He's also my first boyfriend and likewise, I was just never bothered about having a partner until I met him.

We're both really happy together, guess it was just a case of waiting to meet the right person. :)

I have a friend who has been single for the entire time I've known her. I do think she's incredibly picky though but I can't tell her that.

So what?

I am picky, too. Single is default.Being in a relationship is an option.

Far too many people think they must be in a relationship and "compromise" for it. Especially for women, nothing good comes of that compromising.

Which is fine Vestal but she's desperate to be in a relationship and gets very upset that her friends are settling down around her. Unfortunately she won't give anyone a chance unless they meet a strict criteria.

Ultimately every person is different, and what works for one doesn't necessarily work for another and vice versa. I have an ex from school days who never had a relationship after me and he is most definitely odd, but I don't consider him odd because he hasn't had a relationship, he just is, iyswim.

Equally though I have seen horrifically judgemental posts on here from women who say they would never date a virgin and so on, so is it any wonder that someone who is still single in their early twenties would find it impossible to take that step given the amount of judgement out there?

All that being said, there's more to life than a relationship. I am divorced and am engaged to my now DP. I absolutely wouldn't want to change anything about that, and am perfectly happy, but if for any reason me and DP split I sure as hell wouldn't go out looking for another relationship. I'm quite happy with the one I have, but there's a lot more to life than needing a man.