To think someone never being in a relationship is odd

[scenesatthemusuem]

Why might this be the case I wonder?

[yellowsunfloweras]

One of my friends isn't very attractive. Every time I introduce her to someone they have made a comment that she's not their cup of tea. I love her awkward personality but it would seem men don't. I've known her for 25 years and she's never had a long term relationship, not even a short one really.
She has high standards for how a guy should look and has therefore refused to lower these standards and chosen to be single. I wonder if things will change as we enter our final baby making years as she's said she does want to be married and have dc.

[TheNaze73]

YABVU.

The real odd ones, are the people that HAVE to be in a relationship, keep banging on about their "new fella" or "new girlfriend" all the time, rather than accepting, that time on their own would be far more appropriate

[peneleope82]

My sister is in her 30s and has never been in a serious relationship. She'd love to meet the right person and have kids etc but just hasn't met them yet. It's purely just that, she hasn't met the right person.

To be honest I find it more concerning when a person lurches from one unhappy relationship to the next. I would certainly say I know a number of people who would be much happier long term single than in their current relationships.

[wictional]

So socially anxious that they cannot talk to potential partners and in any case why would they want to talk to me anyway I'm nobody???

not talking from personal experience of years of singledom nope not me

[Ragwort]

My DB is in his mid 50s and whilst he has had the occasional girl friend - (maybe a few dates when he was in his 30s & a disastrous experience 'on line') he seems incredibly happy being single.

He has a lovely home, a great career, lots of hobbies and interests, a wide circle of friends and seems genuinely happy in his own company. Can afford to plan to retire soon. I envy his lifestyle.

To be perfectly honest most of the people I know who are single by choice are much happier than those in relationships.

[sweetbitter]

I think with some people it's down to a type of social anxiety that really kicks in when in dating type scenarios or talking with potential love interests. I didn't have any relationships until much, much later than all of my peers, and it was due to this. It was like a panicky, this-feels-so-unnatural feeling. And made all the worse by knowing you were odd for not having had relationships already. I think it may also have been linked to terrible relationship modelling when I was a child, I was witness to a lot of extremely unhappy and dysfunctional marriages, and almost no happy, positive ones.

[StarCrossdSkys]

I know 2 friends who've never had a relationship. They both have a great life with well paid careers and lots of friends. I don't know if they want to meet someone. Being in a relationship is not the only way to be happy. These days it's more likely to bring stress and heartbreak I would say. Marriage and child rearing seems to dump a load of shit on women and it's not like Jane Austen times when there isn't an alternative.

[Whyisitneverme]

For me, it's a combination of low self esteem and confidence combined with never having met anyone that it's worked with. And it's a vicious circle - you try, it goes wrong, your self esteem gets knocked a bit more which makes it harder to try again. It's very disheartening to keep going on dates and for the person to decide after just one date that you're not even worth a second date. I'm still trying but I didn't for a long time. I'm late 30s now and hoping someone comes along.

But it is hard when you inevitably get asked the question about your relationship history and there's not really much to say. I worry people think I'm odd. But I'm not really... just haven't found the right person. I have great friends and a close family and people generally seem to like me. It just hasn't worked out romantically for me. It's sad but just the way it is.

[GlitterNails]

Threads like this make me so sad. I'm in this situation and not by choice. I have friends, but I'm limited in going out because I'm disabled.

It's already hard enough feeling lonely and unwanted, but it's just the icing on the cake to read some of these answers. Oddball, and a weirdo basically.

Sometimes someone is just unlucky and just don't meet the right person.

[WeyHay]

Hear, hear, Glitternails. And you know, some of the attitudes on this thread tempt me to start to judge people who can't manage on their own and who always have to be in a relationship. I see that as weak.

[Louiselouie0890]

My brothers like this. His standards are stupidly high for a 26 year old crashing on his mates couch with no job and doesn't drive (I say that as he says his suitor has to drive)

[KizzyKat91]

God this makes me so sad :( I'm 26 and have been single since I was 22. At 22 I was sexually assaulted by someone who I thought was a trusted friend. This caused me to spiral into a deep depression and I was suicidal and on antidepressants for 2 years.

Though I am no longer depressed and feel mentally quite strong, I don't trust men and feel broken and like I'll never be capable of a relationship.
I've been single so long I don't know where to start. I'm also scared of facing judgment like the type shown on this thread and feel like everyone thinks I'm a freak. I'm so desperate to get married and start a family though :(

[Fluffycloudland77]

I was single for years, I just didn't meet the right man until Dh came along.

I wasn't odd or fussy I just didn't find any of the men I met remotely interesting.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Kizzy. I'm so sorry. (((()))))
Examples like yours are exact reasons why op should not be using words like odd.
This thread has made me so bloody angry

[user1490465531]

well I'm 38 and my longest relationship has been approx 5 years.
Would this be considered weird? generally interested.

[BennySF]

I'm comfortable beeing single, and feel no need or inner pressure to be in a relationship.
I love my freedom and don't feel ready to compromise for a partner.
If the right person shows up, I might change but until then, I'm simply happy like this.

[ThouShallNotPass]

There could be loads of reasons.

My friend, for example is a lovely guy but when it comes to the ladies, sadly he is the real life version of the movie Shallow Hal. Whilst weight/hair loss shouldn't be an issue and his personality is fantastic he has turned down any female who was interested who was not an absolute stunner.
Kiera Knightly lookalikes simply haven't been interested in him and now it's gone on so long and he's in his late 30's I don't know if he'll ever pop that cherry. It's upsetting and infuriating knowing that any woman would be lucky to have him but he won't look twice if she's not a bloody model.

[WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK]

When I was younger I was always in relationships. Until a bad one.

To all the friends I've met in the last six years, they've never known me to be anything other than ridiculously single. Everyone badgers me about it & make jokes about how I'm "undatable".
Cripplingly low self-esteem & building walls to protect myself have made me this way. I'd love a relationship, but not at the risk of feeling how I felt before.

[WeyHay]

You know what is starting to make me angry about this thread, Awwlookatmybabyspider is all the smug pp saying "Oh my friend is single but she's got anziety" etc etc etc

As if when you're single it's because there's something "wrong" with you, rather than it just being chance or bad luck or lack of opportunity. And it means that anyone saying that, in a couple, can go on thinking that they are OK, because they're in a relationship, and that this must mean that they've not got anything "wrong" with them. When really, it's basically just chance and good luck that you're in a relationship.

There is nothing special about people in relationships. There is nothing odd, wrong, or weird about single people. Those of you talking about your single friends -- you should know how patronising and smug you sound. And you should reflect that "there, but for the grace of god, go I"

Most people in relationships, you should realise that it's just luck & good timing. Not that you are superior to your "anxious" or "weird" or "odd" single friends.

[Littleraincloud]

There's something odd about everyone. I'm nearly 30 and have never learned to drive, I've never been abroad and I don't own a microwave. But I'm in a relationship . however i don't like to maintain friendships

[jerrysbellyhangslikejelly]

I'm 33 and until last year hadn't been in a relationship since I was 18. It wasn't due to lack of interest on my part or abuse or a bad childhood, I just never met anyone that liked me I guess. It just doesn't happen for some people. And I did feel weird because of it. Thankfully the very extended dry spell has been broken!

[SeekingSugar]

You know what I think is odd? People in relationships who think that the fact they have an "other" makes them "normal". Very odd indeed.

[Notknownatthisaddress]

@WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK

To all the friends I've met in the last six years, they've never known me to be anything other than ridiculously single. Everyone badgers me about it & make jokes about how I'm "undatable".

OMG how rude.

[Notknownatthisaddress]

@WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK

To all the friends I've met in the last six years, they've never known me to be anything other than ridiculously single. Everyone badgers me about it & make jokes about how I'm "undatable".

OMG how rude.

[Notknownatthisaddress]

@kickassangel

better single than lurching from one relationship to another while spreading pain, and potentially having unplanned/unsupported children.

Being single should be seen as a good thing.

I know far too many people who make some really bad choices and really fuck up their lives just so that they can be with somebody. If being single was seen as the default, and being in a couple only seen as "if you're really sure" then a lot of problems would be solved.

Great post!!! Thing is, there is such PRESSURE to be in a fucking couple these days. Even when I was a teen (1990's,) I got nagged by older relatives and neighbours 'are yer courting?' FFS, like there was nothing else in life to do but get wed and have kids

Thing is, back in the day the main goal of women (particularly from working class and lower class families,) was to find a man and get married. The few woman I do know from the working classes who never got married are now middle aged and still living with their parents.

I am sure many women from the working classes who stayed single, went onto greater things; like uni, a successful career, lots of travelling etc, but all the ones I know who stayed single didn't.

So I think maybe the OP falls into this category; it sounds like she comes from a background/environment where getting married/being in a relationship/having babies is the best life choice for the females.


As @TheNaze73 said. I think people who just HAVE to be in a relationship, and who have this 'any man is better than no man' attitude are desperately sad. I have a lot more respect for a woman who is forever single, than one who bounces from one shit relationship to the next, (and even worse - has a kid by each man, who sometimes end up with 'behavioural issues' because of the disruptive home life they have.)

As a few people have said, being single should be regarded as a default or 'normal' status, and being married should be the exception rather than the rule. Too many people are so desperate to be in a relationship, and even stay when the relationship has gone WAAAAY past their sell by date!