To think someone never being in a relationship is odd

[scenesatthemusuem]

Why might this be the case I wonder?

How does this affect you?

I wonder if this is a reverse???

There have been threads on here from time to time from women who would dearly love to 'meet someone' and have tried everything, alongside just getting on with their life , but it just doesn't happen.

I can relate, I was lucky enough to meet someone at 18, get married and have children, but he left me 20 years ago and I could very easily have been another one of your 'never in a relationship ' people if I hadn't met & married him. I don't think I'm odd... life just doesn't always pan out the way you think it will.

Okay, so my original post should have said, "doesn't want a relationship, but wants children", not whatever crap I actually put.

Either way - no, not an issue. It is what it is. If it is a reverse - and it's you - it's fine. It might be somewhat unusual, but it's not odd.

If it's someone you know - ostensibly well enough to tell you she would like children - then I don't think you need to give it a second thought. It sounds like she may have low self-esteem, which is shit, trust me, so just be a friend and don't ponder it.

Do you want to help her? After disasterous relationships in my teens and early twenties I was in casual relationships for most of my twenties & was very insecure about jumping into the dating pool. My friends in relationships often came speed dating with me.

Maybe they are shy and have never found the right person?

It just surprised me, as I didn't think she was bothered.

She's mid 30s ... she says she isn't attractive enough for dates

Sounds like she's lacking in confidence and even though she'd like a relationship the thought of being rejected prevents her from putting herself out there.

Trust issues
Been abused in the past
Body issues
Can't find the right person
Other priorities in a busy life
Health issues
etc

Your original post @rockhopper81

Are you the OP then? Is this a namechange fail?

Rockhopper isn't me, don't know what she meant.

Known a friend for almost 20 years and she has never had a relationship. She does want one but I don't think she is realistic. She is morbidly obese with associated ailments but she will only consider good looking rugby types - and they have to have a successful/lucrative career. I have suggested that she broaden her 'long list' but she gets defensive and says she is not prepared to settle as she deserves the best. For instance she would never consider my lovely, supportive, funny, slightly baldiing and a tiny pot tummy DH with an ordinary job. I sometimes think it's a fear of intimacy.

Judging by the 'forever single' people I know best:
Confidence issues
Trust issues
Unrealistic ideas of relationships

The longest relationship I have been in was 10 months, I'm 38yo.

I have a dd from a brief fling.

I don't think I am that odd, I have good friends that have been good friends for 25yrs, I don't think i'm gay.

I am quite shy around men and find being single easier I suppose.

My husband was 28 before he has his first relationship. He just isn't keen on change and wasn't very good at making small talk with women! I saw something in him and actively pursued him - we've been together 17 years now. I honestly think if I (or someone else) hadn't gone all out for him then he'd still be on his own.

It's unusual but there are many reasons why someone might have never been in a relationship. I met my DP when he was 22 and he had only ever been in one relationship in his teens because he hadn't found the right person, we've been together over 8 years now.

There's nothing 'wrong' with him. I just think some people aren't as lucky as others in terms of finding a suitable person to have a relationship with.

Sexual abuse/assault

It's odd to jump from relationship to relationship with no ability to be alone for more than 5 seconds. Far too many people measure their self worth by their relationship status.

But then I think having no tv is odd, and so is not being able to drive, and so is not ever going abroad

Presumably money has never been an issue for you

Ok, I would count as one of these so some insight from the front line. I had a couple of boyfriends as a teenager but no actual 'relationships'. I was abused as a child, seriously, from a very young age. I never had a secure attachment, never learnt to trust - not men or women. I have ended up with serious health issues, both mental and physical from my childhood and can't work because of them. I live a very isolated life but I often feel very different when I occasionally meet people and they ask if I am single and I have no idea how to explain things to them, especially as I can appear rather normal.

Would I want a relationship? I think it just isn't possible even though I get very lonely at times though I have a very good treatment team. I am very used to my own company now anyway.

Mine is quite an extreme case but I wanted to write it down to give a different perspective and highlight just how much people seem to take for granted and then seem to judge others who don't fit their idea of a what a 'normal' person should be. I am aware people would/do think me 'odd'. But considering my childhood I make perfect sense! Everyone has their own reasons - I think it is important to remember this.

I've never really been in a relationship although I desperately wanted to be in one but trying made me so miserable. In the end I gave up trying and I've got use to my own company. I'm happier this way. I do miss sex though.

Reasons are those listed above. Fucked up early years did it's damage. I function, and am even high functioning in many areas of life, just intimate relationships that I can't do.

I've never talked about it with friends although I suspect that many have their own thoughts about why I am this way. Just be careful not to make assumptions about your friend.

I have a friend who has never had a relationship - turned out to be body issues (is now transitioning female to male).

I am 38 and after an abusive relationship and one dd don't want or expect to ever be in a relationship again.

Okay, not sure about the whole 'name change fail' thing, or how my first comment wasn't understood (I thought it was clear, but there you go...)

I am not the OP.

I was asking the OP if it bothered them that their friend wanted children but not a relationship (although I did clarify this with a post, as I'd muddled my words up in my first post).

I commented that children and relationships were not dependant on each other.

I questioned whether the friends confidence was misplaced, since the OP seems to (on some level) question her decisions.

I'm not sure what wasn't clear, OP?

I have a friend who has been single for the entire time I've known her. I do think she's incredibly picky though but I can't tell her that.