To think someone never being in a relationship is odd

[scenesatthemusuem]

Why might this be the case I wonder?

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

My great aunt as lovely as she was. Was always asking me.
Are you courting yet, Spider.
I always used to say no, regardless.
I mean I was hardly going discuss
my love life with my aunt.
Erm thankyou and good night.

[PickAChew]

I find it odd that someone can be so flummoxed by he concept that someone would love to have children, but have not found a partner that they'd want to create those children with and, by association, subsequently have to spend an awful lot of time communicating with, whether in an ongoing relationship or not.

[AmysTiara]

Thoushall your friend doesn't sound like a lovely guy. He sounds like a conceited bellend

[BobbinThreadbare123]

My DH had never been in a relationship till he met me. He'd had a few dates from OLD but nothing stuck. He was in his mid 30s when we met. He is very good at being a husband and I'm glad I'm the one who snapped him up. He isn't and wasn't 'weird', just really shy.

[Notknownatthisaddress]

What a great story ^ @Gazelda Thanks for sharing and opening your heart.

Sad start, but a lovely ending.

Shame on your friends and family for judging you and thinking you're gay (not that there is anything wrong with that!) just coz you were single for 10 -12 years. FFS, why is no-one allowed to be single???

That said, I think every single person who has spend longish spells single has had to tolerate the same shit!

[BoysofMelody]

Someone doesn't want to live their life exactly as I do ... what's wrong with them?

I thought the 'when are you having children?' questions we got fired at us were intrusive and indicative of very limited imagination, but this takes it up a notch.

[Gazelda]

I married young and had a hideous break up. I couldn't face another relationship for about 12 years. My family whispered to each other that I must be a closet gay. That there was something 'wrong' with me. I realise my few friends probably gossiped in a similar way.
The truth was that My confidence was shot, I couldn't trust anyone, my mental health was dodgy, I felt uninteresting, ugly, fat, a failure. Who would want me? So I didn't bother trying to date. I was safer at home on my own.

Thank God my now DH saw me from afar at work and eventually plucked up courage to find out if I was single. Then he presumed me despite my efforts to put him off. He is almost as shy and lacking in confidence as me. He's never had a serious relationship before me. We are perfect for each other and now have a lovely social circle.

I'm bloody lucky, but it could have been very different. I'd have been sad not to have a serious relationship and/or children. But that wouldn't have made me 'odd'. Shame so many people seem to think otherwise.

[Notknownatthisaddress]

@kickassangel

better single than lurching from one relationship to another while spreading pain, and potentially having unplanned/unsupported children.

Being single should be seen as a good thing.

I know far too many people who make some really bad choices and really fuck up their lives just so that they can be with somebody. If being single was seen as the default, and being in a couple only seen as "if you're really sure" then a lot of problems would be solved.

Great post!!! Thing is, there is such PRESSURE to be in a fucking couple these days. Even when I was a teen (1990's,) I got nagged by older relatives and neighbours 'are yer courting?' FFS, like there was nothing else in life to do but get wed and have kids

Thing is, back in the day the main goal of women (particularly from working class and lower class families,) was to find a man and get married. The few woman I do know from the working classes who never got married are now middle aged and still living with their parents.

I am sure many women from the working classes who stayed single, went onto greater things; like uni, a successful career, lots of travelling etc, but all the ones I know who stayed single didn't.

So I think maybe the OP falls into this category; it sounds like she comes from a background/environment where getting married/being in a relationship/having babies is the best life choice for the females.


As @TheNaze73 said. I think people who just HAVE to be in a relationship, and who have this 'any man is better than no man' attitude are desperately sad. I have a lot more respect for a woman who is forever single, than one who bounces from one shit relationship to the next, (and even worse - has a kid by each man, who sometimes end up with 'behavioural issues' because of the disruptive home life they have.)

As a few people have said, being single should be regarded as a default or 'normal' status, and being married should be the exception rather than the rule. Too many people are so desperate to be in a relationship, and even stay when the relationship has gone WAAAAY past their sell by date!

[Notknownatthisaddress]

@WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK

To all the friends I've met in the last six years, they've never known me to be anything other than ridiculously single. Everyone badgers me about it & make jokes about how I'm "undatable".

OMG how rude.

[Notknownatthisaddress]

@WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK

To all the friends I've met in the last six years, they've never known me to be anything other than ridiculously single. Everyone badgers me about it & make jokes about how I'm "undatable".

OMG how rude.

[SeekingSugar]

You know what I think is odd? People in relationships who think that the fact they have an "other" makes them "normal". Very odd indeed.

[jerrysbellyhangslikejelly]

I'm 33 and until last year hadn't been in a relationship since I was 18. It wasn't due to lack of interest on my part or abuse or a bad childhood, I just never met anyone that liked me I guess. It just doesn't happen for some people. And I did feel weird because of it. Thankfully the very extended dry spell has been broken!

[Littleraincloud]

There's something odd about everyone. I'm nearly 30 and have never learned to drive, I've never been abroad and I don't own a microwave. But I'm in a relationship . however i don't like to maintain friendships

[WeyHay]

You know what is starting to make me angry about this thread, Awwlookatmybabyspider is all the smug pp saying "Oh my friend is single but she's got anziety" etc etc etc

As if when you're single it's because there's something "wrong" with you, rather than it just being chance or bad luck or lack of opportunity. And it means that anyone saying that, in a couple, can go on thinking that they are OK, because they're in a relationship, and that this must mean that they've not got anything "wrong" with them. When really, it's basically just chance and good luck that you're in a relationship.

There is nothing special about people in relationships. There is nothing odd, wrong, or weird about single people. Those of you talking about your single friends -- you should know how patronising and smug you sound. And you should reflect that "there, but for the grace of god, go I"

Most people in relationships, you should realise that it's just luck & good timing. Not that you are superior to your "anxious" or "weird" or "odd" single friends.

[WORKWORKWORKWORKWORKWORK]

When I was younger I was always in relationships. Until a bad one.

To all the friends I've met in the last six years, they've never known me to be anything other than ridiculously single. Everyone badgers me about it & make jokes about how I'm "undatable".
Cripplingly low self-esteem & building walls to protect myself have made me this way. I'd love a relationship, but not at the risk of feeling how I felt before.

[ThouShallNotPass]

There could be loads of reasons.

My friend, for example is a lovely guy but when it comes to the ladies, sadly he is the real life version of the movie Shallow Hal. Whilst weight/hair loss shouldn't be an issue and his personality is fantastic he has turned down any female who was interested who was not an absolute stunner.
Kiera Knightly lookalikes simply haven't been interested in him and now it's gone on so long and he's in his late 30's I don't know if he'll ever pop that cherry. It's upsetting and infuriating knowing that any woman would be lucky to have him but he won't look twice if she's not a bloody model.

[BennySF]

I'm comfortable beeing single, and feel no need or inner pressure to be in a relationship.
I love my freedom and don't feel ready to compromise for a partner.
If the right person shows up, I might change but until then, I'm simply happy like this.

[user1490465531]

well I'm 38 and my longest relationship has been approx 5 years.
Would this be considered weird? generally interested.

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Kizzy. I'm so sorry. (((()))))
Examples like yours are exact reasons why op should not be using words like odd.
This thread has made me so bloody angry

[Fluffycloudland77]

I was single for years, I just didn't meet the right man until Dh came along.

I wasn't odd or fussy I just didn't find any of the men I met remotely interesting.

[KizzyKat91]

God this makes me so sad :( I'm 26 and have been single since I was 22. At 22 I was sexually assaulted by someone who I thought was a trusted friend. This caused me to spiral into a deep depression and I was suicidal and on antidepressants for 2 years.

Though I am no longer depressed and feel mentally quite strong, I don't trust men and feel broken and like I'll never be capable of a relationship.
I've been single so long I don't know where to start. I'm also scared of facing judgment like the type shown on this thread and feel like everyone thinks I'm a freak. I'm so desperate to get married and start a family though :(

[Louiselouie0890]

My brothers like this. His standards are stupidly high for a 26 year old crashing on his mates couch with no job and doesn't drive (I say that as he says his suitor has to drive)

[WeyHay]

Hear, hear, Glitternails. And you know, some of the attitudes on this thread tempt me to start to judge people who can't manage on their own and who always have to be in a relationship. I see that as weak.

[GlitterNails]

Threads like this make me so sad. I'm in this situation and not by choice. I have friends, but I'm limited in going out because I'm disabled.

It's already hard enough feeling lonely and unwanted, but it's just the icing on the cake to read some of these answers. Oddball, and a weirdo basically.

Sometimes someone is just unlucky and just don't meet the right person.

[Whyisitneverme]

For me, it's a combination of low self esteem and confidence combined with never having met anyone that it's worked with. And it's a vicious circle - you try, it goes wrong, your self esteem gets knocked a bit more which makes it harder to try again. It's very disheartening to keep going on dates and for the person to decide after just one date that you're not even worth a second date. I'm still trying but I didn't for a long time. I'm late 30s now and hoping someone comes along.

But it is hard when you inevitably get asked the question about your relationship history and there's not really much to say. I worry people think I'm odd. But I'm not really... just haven't found the right person. I have great friends and a close family and people generally seem to like me. It just hasn't worked out romantically for me. It's sad but just the way it is.