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AIBU?

Thoughts on neighbours being aggressive

128 replies

fitzy73 · 16/07/2017 20:07

Just wanted some advice and feedback.

We have a football mad six year old boy, who regularly plays football out in our garden. He is not allowed to hit the ball deliberately off the fence on either side, but of course it happens from time to time.

Our neighbours on the right have started to get really shirty about this in the last few weeks. First it was comments over the wall, and then I got a knock on the door from the bloke asking me to stop DS hitting "his" fence. I politely told him that he doesn't do it deliberately, and if he caused any damages I would pay for it. He was rude and aggressive, but I have manners and was firm but basically told him to wind his neck in.

I was out this evening, and my son had a friend over, and while playing football they two were repeatedly shouted at. At that stage my wife asked next door what the problem was, and my wife plus next door had a massive barmy at the front of the house.

During this, the bloke threatened to "kick the sh*t" out my son if he kicked the ball against his fence again. They also accused us of being stuck up snobs with a spoilt child blah blah blah.

I suppose it's lucky I was out, as god only knows what I would have done. I'm not a violent person, but I'm not going to back down if someone threatens my son. He is only six and is playing football in his back garden - I can't see what is wrong with that! In the average half an hour he is out there the ball might hit off their fence two or three times.

They are horrible, horrible people who no one locally talks to (sods law we are beside them) but I loathe to move because I like where I live and all our other neighbors are lovely.

I'm considering reporting him to the police, but that may exaperate the situation. However, if he says something in front of me I will probably lose my temper ....

Any advice?

OP posts:
user1497480444 · 16/07/2017 21:50

Some people love to hear children play, think it's great they are outside not glued to screens.

nobody loves the sound of a ball being banged against their fence.

Frillyhorseyknickers · 16/07/2017 21:50

but why should I inconvenience myself for them? Especially now? I feel like getting the hardest leather ball going and standing there for a few hours repeatedly kicking it against the fence!

And I suspect this is your main issue.

You appear to have a fairly entitled view which will make you completely insufferable not only as a neighbour but more broadly as a human being.

Just because your neighbour makes noise working on his extension and you're too British to complain about it, doesn't make it ok for you to allow a six year old to hammer a ball against a fence for shits and giggles.

There is nothing wrong with wanting everything your own way in your garden, but I'm afraid you will have to do what the rest of us have done and move somewhere with no neighbours in order to achieve it.

You seem to think you're morally above your neighbour next door, so for what it's worth, well rounded, educated individuals simply do not engage in slanging matches with their neighbours in the front garden. It simply isn't cricket, so I would come down from your self proclaimed high ground.

Peachy27 · 16/07/2017 21:56

'There is nothing wrong with wanting everything your own way in your garden, but I'm afraid you will have to do what the rest of us have done and move somewhere with no neighbours in order to achieve it.'

Why doesn't the neighbour move to somewhere with no neighbours if he wants total quiet. Its not the OP wanting total silence, she accepts noise from neighbours as most people do when they live in close proximity to other people.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 16/07/2017 22:01

Further their kids play keyboard and drums down the back of their garden.

Drip, drip, drip.

💦 💦 💦 ☔️ ☔️ ☔️

Italiangreyhound · 16/07/2017 22:04

Any man threatening to kick the shit out of a six year is sub human man. But no idea what to do other than take the boy to the park for a kick around.

OnionKnight · 16/07/2017 22:07

YANBU, the neighbours sound like cunts, if he threatens your son again phone the police.

backaftera2yearbreak · 16/07/2017 22:08

Oh for fuck sake. Kids can't play football in their own garden? What kind of bullshit is this. Thank god I don't live near any of you!

ConstanceCraving · 16/07/2017 22:11

I'm glad you don't live near me too bafckaftera2yearbreak Wink

emmyrose2000 · 16/07/2017 22:14

YABU

TeaCake5 · 16/07/2017 22:17

Entitled much. I feel sorry for your neighbour and drop the faux wanna be hard man shite too.

AtHomeDadGlos · 16/07/2017 22:17

Playing football in your own back garden (if you have one) is a human right of all young boys living in Britain.

faithinthesound · 16/07/2017 22:19

but I have manners and was firm but basically told him to wind his neck in.

why should I inconvenience myself for them? Especially now? I feel like getting the hardest leather ball going and standing there for a few hours repeatedly kicking it against the fence!

Hoist by your own petard, methinks. I mean, you can SAY you have manners, but then you sort of scuppered that idea with the belligerence that followed...

You've shown yourself up there - and while I might have taken your side over the original story (where a mean old neighbor shouts at a six year old child), I'm now rather inclined to believe, based on the dripfeed and subsequent pouting at not getting the answers you wanted, that the "shouting" didn't happen, that you've exaggerated the interactions to bolster your story, that the ball hits the fence at least three times for every one you've admitted to, and that you are the problem here, not your neighbor.

YABVU.

InfiniteCurve · 16/07/2017 22:24

Yes,threatening six year olds is wrong,no support for that,but your response to his reasonable request not to have the ball kicked against his fence seems to have been to tell him to bog off.
"I was firm and told him to wind his neck in..."
So no apology? No acknowledgement of the nuisance? Just "oh well,these things happen,no need to get wound up over it..." That's certainly what it sounds like from your OP.
Some gardens are big enough for football and some aren't but being able to kick a ball around isn't a fundamental human right.

faithinthesound · 16/07/2017 22:36

And here's another pertinent point, while I remember.

No one, not one single person, is suggesting that children't don't have the right to play in their own backyards.

They're saying they don't have the right to play FOOTBALL in their own backyards, because FOOTBALL is loud, the ball hits the fence, there's the potential for it to go OVER the fence, potential damages... and that noise...

If your child had been out there playing running races, or tiddly winks, or doing handstands/cartwheels/tumbling, or playing house, or chef, or superhero, or some other class of make believe, no one would be siding with the neighbor. It is not the playing that is the issue, it's the football.

That, and your entitlement.

crapatpickingnames · 16/07/2017 23:11

The neighbour is obviously in the wrong for threatening a child. However I think its pretty shitty to dismiss kicking the ball against someone's property even if it is just a fence. The fact that there's no damage is no excuse. Would you accept someone kicking a ball at your front door or car, just because there's no damage? I doubt it.
His building work, whilst noisy, is completely different. He's not doing something which potentially could damage your property, despite being asked not to.

To clarify, not siding with an adult threatening a child but I'm also not siding with you feeling your family are entitled to potentially cause damage.

HateIsNotGood · 16/07/2017 23:27

He was rude and aggressive, but I have manners and was firm but basically told him to wind his neck in.

They are horrible, horrible people who no one locally talks to

OP has already decided that she is right and neighbour is wrong - always love a thread where OP states that they remained "calm" or in this case, "have manners".

user1495025590 · 16/07/2017 23:54

Apart from the noise, your DS's ball will damage the fence.Usually , as you look out of the back door, the fence on the left is yours, so very likely the fence is his.I have no idea why you put 'his' in inverted commas as though it wasn't his.
I think traditionally family houses have gardens for growing vegetables and keeping chickens to feed the family, notso kids can boot footballs at the surrounding fences!

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 16/07/2017 23:57

Entitled much. I feel sorry for your neighbour and drop the faux wanna be hard man shite too.

Perfectly summed up!

Also, another classic example of...

OP: AIBU?
Most people: Yes
OP: NO I'M NOT YOU'RE ALL IDIOTS P.S. HERE'S SOME MADE UP INFORMATION THAT HOPEFULLY WILL SWAY OPINION MY WAY

Want2beme · 17/07/2017 00:07

The dreaded neighbour noise. Don't live next door to anyone if you're noisy and don't live next door to anyone if you hate noise. I'm one of the latter.

ladystarkers · 17/07/2017 07:27

He was very wrong to threaten achild. However yabu totally.

HipsterHunter · 17/07/2017 07:32

I never understand why the parents of 'football mad' children don't met up their garden so balls hit nets rather than fence panels.

It's rude as fuck hitting fence panels with a football.

Offering to pay for any damage isn't the solution, why should the neighbour have to go thru all the hassle of getting panels repaired or replaced?

FrancisCrawford · 17/07/2017 07:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Binkybix · 17/07/2017 19:45

If it really is hitting the fence 2-3 times in a half hour period a handful of times a week I think that is annoying but tolerable.

Threatening to beat up a 6 year old is never ok!

gttia · 17/07/2017 19:56

Yabu - we lived with the same issue and the constant banging after work drove us crazy. Ball games are for the park not on other people's fences. The summer it happened to us we dreaded going home, and we always fear it starting again every summer

Leebee11 · 17/07/2017 20:14

What is the world coming to when a fully grown man threatens a child!! What a arse.
It's summer kids can't be kept in all the time and parents have things to do so can't be going to the park all the time.
I've had something very similar my 3 year old daughter was in the garden playing with our 2 border collies I was filling the paddling pool up with the hose pipe went inside to see to my baby who is teething so was 10 minutes or so trying to settle her. Came down to find my daughter has the hose pipe wetting/playing with the dogs, so I took it off her told her off for soaking my washing on the line. Then for the neighbors next door to start shouting at me that my for my little one wetting them even tho it's a 6 foot fence with a lot of dense brushes on there side so not only she had no idea she was wetting them the bloody hose was only on the mist setting and it was a red hot day. She's then decided shouting wasn't enough she would throw stones and mud over knowing full well her could hurt my 3 year old. I rang the police they went round and warned her. Sorry if it's a bit of a rambled mess I'm still furious now a week later. I just can't believe some people

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