Aibu to want dh to patch up friendship for sake of holiday

[Bedraggledmumoftwo]

Last year dh introduced me to a female work friend of his and we hit it off and we and our respective DC have spent many fun weekends together, so much so that we booked a holiday together this summer.

All was well until a few weeks ago, when he and she have had a falling out. From what little he's shown me it looks like she has been unreasonable but I don't what he has said or done on his side. So now I'm stuck in the middle, having paid the balance of a small fortune for this holiday after the shit hit the fan because he decided to keep schtum. Now he is shitty all the time and I get to hear him bitching about how much he is dreading our holiday, which clearly makes me look forward to it.
Last weekend I told him to man up and make things right because, like it or not, we are going on holiday with them for a fortnight and regardless of who was in the wrong it was worth putting it all behind him.
This weekend he is snarling and moaning again and saying he will grit his teeth and bear it, like that is an actual solution to living in the same house with someone for a fortnight, especially when there will be lots of wine involved. So now I am dreading the whole holiday and just want him to sort it out either way. Aibu to tell him to either actually genuinely make peace with it or have it out with her with a view to reaching some form of friendship before august? His head in the sand, grit his teeth and snarl at everyone theory does not bode well for me and I give it three days before it all kicks off. In my opinion he needs to man up and genuinely rise above it, or have it out with her before we are all captive together for the fallout and both our families' holidays have been wrecked.
The only other option from my side is to talk to her about it but then I need to reveal that I have seen texts she has sent to him and that is probably just as damaging. In the meantime, from my side, I have maintained a friendly facade of normalcy, thinking he was sorting it all out with her, when it turns out he has been doing nothing of the sort.

I found out about the affair because once I'd read friends messages and established she hadn't done anything I was about to go and give it back. But I remembered the name of the person who'd previously alluded to his relationship with friend on what's app, and that name was noticeable by its absence, which seemed strange. Then I found OW thread in archived even though he had messaged her as recently as yesterday, which was obviously suspicious and when I opened it I found a whole days worth of puke-worthy reading material including all the lovely pictures he'd sent her of my children when we took them to the zoo yesterday and the fair last week. Words cannot describe how much of a despicable piece of shit he has been. He tried to wrestle the phone out of my hands once he realised I had found something and I ended up running out the door in just my nightie and driving to a friend's house to look through and gather evidence in peace. It has been a very long day and i now wish I hadn't seen or read any of it but it is probably better that I understand the full extent of his betrayal and deception.

I'm so sorry, OP. What a horrendous thing to have discovered.

So sorry OP. What a piece of shit he is. You must be feeling in such shock.

Have you got somewhere to go or will he leave?

Get your financial info in order Op, and post on relationships

Oh OP you poor thing, what a shock.
I can't believe he sent photos of your children to the OW.

Have you contacted your friend (H's work colleague)?

I am so sorry OP

However I also think that the original work colleague has been having some sort of 'thing' with your DH... or at the very least an inappropriate crush.

It seems very over the top for a female friend/work colleague of what, 18 months, to be complaining about feeling 'unloved' and that DH has changed towards her...

Sorry, it was you who said you felt she was feeling unloved...Work colleague/friend actually apologised for feeling/being 'needy'.

I still think this is a massive red flag OP sorry

Emptyheads? Yeah ok 🙄 Learn to read what was written

OP - I'm so sorry sweetheart.

So sorry OP. What a shit he is.

I think the friend must have known and this is what triggered her behaviour towards him. She may have felt very uncomfortable having to go on holiday with you both knowing he was cheating and wanted to bring it to a head. Maybe he has been so tied up with OW he also hasn't had time to be friends with your holiday friend and this is what her message to him was about.

Thanks all. I'm a wreck but think aibu is not really the place so will post on relationships when I have managed to cobble together more than two hours sleep.

At least the question of the holiday has been resolved as I will be going with the kids and having a lovely time with friend and her dh. (Yes he does exist for all those who were wondering.)

Friend has been friends with DH at work for a great many years, it is only me that has been friends with her for 18 months

I'm really sorry that this is happening but glad you've gained a friend from the little shit. I hope the holiday is lovely.

Could you pay (or get someone else to pay) the fee to change his flight to someone elses name and take a trusted friend or family member to accompany you?

Great idea happypoobum.
I think it would be best.
Somebody else to give you support.
Sorry it's ended like this OP.