Who was being unreasonable? (Grim content)

[MyFaveTattoo]

Ok, a few points for context. Since breast cancer and chemo, my periods are erratic and irregular. In my house, we have a rule, that between 23:00, and 06:30, unless poo (or obviously illness, vomit etc), no flushing. Also, I sleep walk, regularly and without warning.

It's school holidays here, so DH goes to work around 06:20, and I don't get up until 07:00-07-15 with the four DCs.

I got up, as usual at around 07:15, went for a pee, settled the littlies with breakfast, then sat down with a cuppa and my phone. About 20 or so minutes later, I went to the bathroom for a quick shower, only to discover that I was saturated through with blood. Through my undies, jammie bottoms and dressing gown. A bit had also got on the lounge!

Obviously, I cleaned myself and everything else up, but when DH got home from work, I told him about said saturation and he said "yeah, when I got up for work, the toilet was full of blood".

I was bloody appalled!! I pointed out to him that I have never, never left blood in the toilet, and that he should have let me know because it was so out of character for me that I must have weed in my sleep, but he said that because I must have got up during the night, he thought I just hadn't flushed.

We are pretty open, so surely he should have mentioned the blood in the loo, given that it was so out of character for me to leave it there? He says that because he thought I wouldn't flush during the night then it was reasonable for him to have assumed that I knew I was bleeding.

So who is in the right please?

Fair play to you for realising that you're being a bit unreasonable, so many people find it hard to accept! Only a little issue and as a pp said, you've been through so much together already, this is teeny

He was presumably just not making a big deal out of it. He was likely assuming you kept to your no flush rule or got distracted and forgot to flush after sorting yourself out and just dealt with it when he got up. He only mentioned it because you did. I actually think he has been incredibly discrete and considerate. Would you rather him embarrass and shame you for leaving blood for him to find?

Sorry cross post. I'm glad you can see the other side a little. He sounds incredibly supportive tbh. So many men would freak at the sight of period blood. It really does sound like you've no reason to feel ashamed in front of him. He saw it, dealt with with it and just carried on. He didn't upset or shame you. He just did what needed to be done. You have a good one there OP.

He is

I mean he is right - sorry you are being unreasonable.

He sounds nice and reasonable.

He knows you are having problems, and also this weird rule, so politely does not mention that the loo was dirty.

Other men would throw a tantrum about a toilet full of blood, and I do think his reaction was quite preferable to that.

If something else had been full of blood, I would see your point, but he must have assumed that it was normal menstruation blood, not flushed because of your rule, and therefore not worth mentioning.

Well done for admitting YABU, OP, not many people would!

FWIW, we tend not to flush in the night because the flush sounds like sailing under Niagara in the Maid of the Mists, so I'm totally with you on that one.

I flood erratically and with changes in position (lying to sitting, sitting to standing) because I have a retroverted uterus - quite common, I believe. According to one of my midwives, what it means in practical terms is your uterus kind of flops inside you instead of being neatly supported by ligaments, so the blood kind of pools up in a kink in the uterus until it gets full enough to suddenly spring into a more normal shape (think filling a balloon with water), then all of a sudden you get a flood.

Why should he have woken you up to tell you you'd started you'd period?
If you don't flush during certain hours then why would he think it unusual for you not to have flushed?
Yabu.

Nothing to see here.

Yabu. I think you are more embarrassed than anything else so maybe taking it out on him a little? Nothing to be embarrassed about btw. It sounds like you have been through an awful lot. Give yourself a break and don't let this get to you

Thank you dailydance.

To those who have asked, of course I wash my hands after the bathroom - every time. And again, the reason for no flushing is noise, and four easily woken DCs, not to mention DH who works long hours and needs his sleep too (as well as all that energy he has to conserve to look after his "hard work" annoyance of a wife! - cheers pp)

And fwiw, period blood any other time its happened during the night, (this is the first time I haven't noticed) trumps the no flush rule!

However, as I said earlier I accept that IABU, and I'm not sure exactly why I get so embarrassed by bodily functions, all bodily functions, I didn't grow up in a very open household, and did have a long term ex before dh who thought periods were vile, so that might be why. Thankfully DH doesn't feel remotely the same, which is why he flushed and didn't mention without issue, which I realise now was probably his considerate way of dealing with it. Now if I could just deal with the bloody sleep walking (pardon the pun)!

Now YANBU

it all seems to be sorted now but perhaps just ask him to wake you if he notices it again and hope for some regularity back in your life!!

I have asked him smurfit and he said he's reluctant to do that because I sleep so poorly, that if I'm actually sound then he hates waking me when I'm getting some undisturbed sleep, but that he will send me a quick text (on silent) as he knows I check my phone as soon as I wake.

Hoping it won't happen again though.

Your dh sounds lovely and you just sound tired and a bit run down I think

I think you might be right there Minor

I don't know I think I'd be pissed if my husband woke me too tell me I had left blood in the toilet. Unless the toilet with the blood resembled

The scene from the shining there's nothing worth worrying about.

I dont see the big deal. You accidently left some blood in the toilet. It happens. Its no big deal. I wouldnt want to be woken up for this.