Who was being unreasonable? (Grim content)

[MyFaveTattoo]

Ok, a few points for context. Since breast cancer and chemo, my periods are erratic and irregular. In my house, we have a rule, that between 23:00, and 06:30, unless poo (or obviously illness, vomit etc), no flushing. Also, I sleep walk, regularly and without warning.

It's school holidays here, so DH goes to work around 06:20, and I don't get up until 07:00-07-15 with the four DCs.

I got up, as usual at around 07:15, went for a pee, settled the littlies with breakfast, then sat down with a cuppa and my phone. About 20 or so minutes later, I went to the bathroom for a quick shower, only to discover that I was saturated through with blood. Through my undies, jammie bottoms and dressing gown. A bit had also got on the lounge!

Obviously, I cleaned myself and everything else up, but when DH got home from work, I told him about said saturation and he said "yeah, when I got up for work, the toilet was full of blood".

I was bloody appalled!! I pointed out to him that I have never, never left blood in the toilet, and that he should have let me know because it was so out of character for me that I must have weed in my sleep, but he said that because I must have got up during the night, he thought I just hadn't flushed.

We are pretty open, so surely he should have mentioned the blood in the loo, given that it was so out of character for me to leave it there? He says that because he thought I wouldn't flush during the night then it was reasonable for him to have assumed that I knew I was bleeding.

So who is in the right please?

Given how unusual it was, I would have expected him to give me a shake and let me know that he had noticed I was bleeding.

But if you had been aware of it, you probably would not have thanked him for A) waking you up and B) for treating you like a child who can't manage her own bodily functions. I think the poor bloke couldn't do right for doing wrong.

Hope your periods settle down soon, I am a 'flooder' so I know how hard it can be

You expected him to give you a shake!

If he's not allowed to flush the toilet between 11-6 why on earth would he do that.

I find it hard to believe that you were up and about for at least half an hour and didn't notice you were bleeding.

No flushing rule here too if it's just wee. That can wait till morning.

YABU

Your DH was just following your rule and didn't want to wake you. He didn't mention it until you did and he didn't make a big deal out of it.

I'm with the posters who are confused that you were up and about for 20 minutes and didn't realise blood all over your dressing gown, jammies and knickers. Even if I was rushing about I think I would still notice something like that.

It's not your husbands fault you feel embarrassed (humiliated is a bit OTT)

Sorry OP yabu. Perhaps he saw the blood and maybe thought that you might have realised you had come on, sorted yourself out then gone back to bed and forgotten to flush. He is not going to wake you to check that you had realised that you had started your period.

I think the humiliation part is why you're upset. Your OH obviously didn't care much about it, did he?
Just let him know you'd normally would flush in that situation, and ask him to let you know should anything like that happen again.
'Problem' solved.

YABU

Given your no flushing rule, he is 'in the right'.

But, no-one needs to be 'in the right'. It's a total non-problem. Except that if you'd not had a no flushing rule, most likely he'd have woken you up, as it would have been unusual to find anything left in the toilet.

So, yabu and hoist by your no flushing petard.

PrimalLass No flush is a useful way to conserve and save water - it's hardly minging if you keep the seat down ..besides it sounds like a rule for the benefit of not waking others up !

Sorry, OP, but I think YABU.

I would be annoyed if my DH woke me up to tell me there was blood in the loo. He didn't really have any way of knowing you weren't aware you'd started bleeding.

No flush is a useful way to conserve and save water

At the price of chucking bleach and tons of water down weekly to chisel off the, erm, calcified residue of this grim rule. I remember well when the kids were small and didn't flush their nighttime wee out of fear of the noise.

PrimalLass No flush is a useful way to conserve and save water - it's hardly minging if you keep the seat down

I think it is horrid - sorry.

It's not his responsibility to monitor your period and inform you. It's not your fault you didn't realise. Why is this even a thing to bicker over?

This whole story is really weird - didn't you notice blood in the bed or feel it on your pyjamas? Or see it when you went to the loo? Anyway - I don't think your DH is being unreasonable for not waking you to tell you the bathrooms a mess.

I find shampoo is great for getting out blood stains but maybe hard to shampoo your lounge.

?! You didn't notice you were covered in blood in the morning!? Nor the kids ?! How is that anything to do with your H?

Sorry YABU

If dh woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me my period had started i might just kill him

Who monitors the rule? Like do you check it's brown before they can flush it down?

He's right. Yabu. Sorry

It's not your DH's responsibility to monitor your periods. I think the no-flush rule is the most grim aspect of this episode. If you flushed at the time this would never have arisen.

Id be very confused if DP woke me up to tell me I had started my period.

Why is this even an issue? Its a period. What a bizarre thing to bicker over.

You're way i the wrong here OP. Sorry.

Ywbu

Your husband sounds like a gent to me

I'm sorry I think you are being unreasonable.
You wake up in the night but don't realise you are bleeding and then are up for 20 mins with your knickers saturated right through to your pjs and don't notice.
However, you expect your DH to get up at 6 am see the blood and think"this is unusual, she must not have noticed, I must wake her so she doesn't continue to not notice and bleed onto the couch."

I understand you are a bit embarrassed you didn't notice but I don't think your DH is at fault for anything.

YABU

But no need to be embarrassed about this at all.

Another one who thinks YABU, for all the reasons mentioned above. I can't understand how you didn't notice it in that (presumably) wet and drippy 20 minutes...

I don't know why people are assuming she'd have been covered in blood in bed...?

It's quite normal to only get flow after standing up, and for it to collect around your vulva for the 30 secs or whatever between you standing up and going to the toilet and weeing. If it were me I would assume that the first sign of blood had been on weeing (easily missed if completely knackered), and then the flow had continued/picked up in the following 20 mins while I was walking about. I would be very surprised to wake up soaked, and not the slightest bit surprised to become soaked within 10 mins of getting up. It is not weird for it to work like that.

Having said all that, I wouldn't expect DH to mention blood in the toilet. If I was walking around naked and didn't seem to notice I was dripping on the floor as I went (e.g. on the way to the shower), sure. If I stood up and he noticed I had soaked through my clothes, sure. But blood in the toilet? Nah.