Who was being unreasonable? (Grim content)

[MyFaveTattoo]

Ok, a few points for context. Since breast cancer and chemo, my periods are erratic and irregular. In my house, we have a rule, that between 23:00, and 06:30, unless poo (or obviously illness, vomit etc), no flushing. Also, I sleep walk, regularly and without warning.

It's school holidays here, so DH goes to work around 06:20, and I don't get up until 07:00-07-15 with the four DCs.

I got up, as usual at around 07:15, went for a pee, settled the littlies with breakfast, then sat down with a cuppa and my phone. About 20 or so minutes later, I went to the bathroom for a quick shower, only to discover that I was saturated through with blood. Through my undies, jammie bottoms and dressing gown. A bit had also got on the lounge!

Obviously, I cleaned myself and everything else up, but when DH got home from work, I told him about said saturation and he said "yeah, when I got up for work, the toilet was full of blood".

I was bloody appalled!! I pointed out to him that I have never, never left blood in the toilet, and that he should have let me know because it was so out of character for me that I must have weed in my sleep, but he said that because I must have got up during the night, he thought I just hadn't flushed.

We are pretty open, so surely he should have mentioned the blood in the loo, given that it was so out of character for me to leave it there? He says that because he thought I wouldn't flush during the night then it was reasonable for him to have assumed that I knew I was bleeding.

So who is in the right please?

Why feel humiliated? Unless you've underplayed what he said loads he didn't make a big deal of it, just informed you of what he found. Honestly, just be thankful he's not bothered.

venus, I was shattered when I got up so just didn't notice that I was bleeding.

We aren't having a proper argument, we get on better than that but this has just cause us to disagree (which doesn't happen too often, hence me seeking advice from Mumsnet.)

Given how unusual it was, I would have expected him to give me a shake and let me know that he had noticed I was bleeding.

You are annoyed because he didn't tell you he knew

You are BVU

YABU, he is in the right.

My DH would just flush / clean up (in the unlikely event I did this, as I hate leaving clues out that I'm on my period.

He is right, completely but no need for embarrassment either

Why would he wake you to let you know that you started your period? Maybe he thought you knew? What is the actual problem here anyway?

Also, are you sure it was you? Do you have a teenage daughter? I had some humdingers when I was 14/15/16.

I know for a fact that on one slightly horrific occasion when there was blood everywhere (pre tampons!!) I got straight into the shower to clean up without flushing (so the shower wouldn't be too hot while the cistern was refilling), I forgot to flush when I left the bathroom and my Dad went in next. He never said a word (fathers of teenage girls know when to stay quiet) but I was MORTIFIED.

Sorry but I don't see what your DH has done wrong! You can't blame him because you didn't notice you were bleeding.

I think if you step back you're angry as a reaction to the humiliation of the whole thing and that's perfectly understandable.

It must be really strange and worrying to know you've done something in the night and don't remember it too

Hmmm I'm not sure what DP would have done. If I was having a lay in he probably would have just gone to work. If it was close to me getting up he'd probably tell me. Would he have assumed I'd have left the toilet swimming in blood? I have no idea. The only time we'd have argued about it though would be if he'd had a go at me about it and then I'd have told him to FO.

I don't live with DP but I would expect him to just flush, clean up and ignore if this happened to me.

If he woke me up to tell me then I would be annoyed at having my sleep disturbed.

There isn't really a reasonable/unreasonable here, OP.

Perhaps it might have been helpful to you if he'd mentioned, but it sounds like he thought you were already aware of the bleeding and so didn't.

I don't even know what I just read.... he would never have mentioned the blood to you (probably to save embarrassment on both sides) had you not have told him what happened. I don't tell anyone about what I have seen in the loo either

If i went to the loo and didn't flush for whatever reason, and my partner - hours later - woke me up to tell me that my period had started, i would be confused and upset that he was treating me like a child that couldn't go to the toilet properly!

I understand that in this case you didn't know - but i would think the default would be to assume you did know. If he saw the sheets covered in blood with me still asleep when he got up that would be different.

If you hadn't sleep walked he wouldn't have had any inkling about it, so would have behaved the same, and you would still not have noticed, so nothing would be different. I really don't think he has done anything wrong.

There's no need to feel humiliation, though.

I don't think he was being unreasonable, I'm sorry, I think it's natural he assumed you knew. But I don't understand why you're angry with him. Clearly he didn't behave in any way maliciously or negligently.

I'm afraid I also don't understand how you didn't know you were bleeding so heavily or why you feel it's your husbands responsibility to tell you if he sees blood in the loo.

As above, I have no idea what the issue is. You bled into a loo. It wasn't flushed. He saw it. He isn't fazed by it.

You're annoyed that you think he's (albeit mildly) accusing you of knowingly leaving blood? That he thinks you're 'dirty'?

There's nothing to be embarrassed about. It's a period.

YABU for being upset at him.

I don't think he did any thing wrong. He just didn't read the situation the way you wanted him to, and I probably would have done the same as him ie nothing.

I would never assume the I knew more/was more aware about somebody else's bodily functions than they are themselves.

I don't get the argument. Did you say you weed in your sleep? If so did you not notice when you woke up??

Why are you mad at him for not making a deal out of things?

I'm not angry with him. That would be ridiculous. I just felt that given such an unusual situation I.e. Finding blood in the loo when I'd never leave it like that, then he might give me a shake and let me know that I'd left a mess and I might need to sort myself.

Not sure i'd be upset at him over it, and don't think its worth an argument or discussion really.

Honestly just let it go...

What a lot of fuss about nothing

But if he saw the blood in the loo he probably assumed you had sorted yourself out. and that you'd not flushed it because of your rules.

On this occasion, he is right.
These things happen, move on from it.