Who was being unreasonable? (Grim content)

[MyFaveTattoo]

Ok, a few points for context. Since breast cancer and chemo, my periods are erratic and irregular. In my house, we have a rule, that between 23:00, and 06:30, unless poo (or obviously illness, vomit etc), no flushing. Also, I sleep walk, regularly and without warning.

It's school holidays here, so DH goes to work around 06:20, and I don't get up until 07:00-07-15 with the four DCs.

I got up, as usual at around 07:15, went for a pee, settled the littlies with breakfast, then sat down with a cuppa and my phone. About 20 or so minutes later, I went to the bathroom for a quick shower, only to discover that I was saturated through with blood. Through my undies, jammie bottoms and dressing gown. A bit had also got on the lounge!

Obviously, I cleaned myself and everything else up, but when DH got home from work, I told him about said saturation and he said "yeah, when I got up for work, the toilet was full of blood".

I was bloody appalled!! I pointed out to him that I have never, never left blood in the toilet, and that he should have let me know because it was so out of character for me that I must have weed in my sleep, but he said that because I must have got up during the night, he thought I just hadn't flushed.

We are pretty open, so surely he should have mentioned the blood in the loo, given that it was so out of character for me to leave it there? He says that because he thought I wouldn't flush during the night then it was reasonable for him to have assumed that I knew I was bleeding.

So who is in the right please?

You said that you were shattered when you woke up, so if DH had woken you that would have been worse.

Just forget about it, your DH isn't BU.

Really?

Ah ignore me, I misread the timings in the OP. Still, I wouldn't assume there was full flow while lying down at any point - just for a minute while getting up to wee, with it stopping shortly after lying down again.

And I definitely wouldn't expect my DH to think I hadn't put a tampon in or whatever!

don't get the argument at all. Why would either of you be wrong? What's to be wrong about?

you have supported each other through the brutal time of cancer and 4 kids

I wish you ongoing health and healing OP

and this a complete non issue argument wise

Baffled by the things people find to get upset with their partners about that are in no way the partners' responsibility. He saw the blood assumed you had come on and and assumed you knew this yourself and hadn't flushed because of the, frankly disgusting, no flushing rule. Another who can't understand why you didn't notice you were wet down there when you got up and peed and wiped the second time before you went and sat on the sofa.

And, fuck water conservation - it's bullshit, you can buy lo-flush loos these days and even kits to convert older flushing mechanisms so you have two flush options. I think it bloody revolting, in an average household, potentially four people can get up during the night to pee, each successively peeing into someone else's pee then two people's pee, then three people's pee and soiled toilet paper added to the mix! The smell when you lift the lid must be appalling too. First thing I'd do if I found pee in a toilet is flush before using it and then again after. Fuck peeing into a cocktail of several other people's piss. Fuck no.

To be honest I would definitely not expect my DH to mention if he had noticed I'd forgot to flush. There would be no need ever to mention it. If there was blood in the toilet i think its reasonable to assume whoever left the blood already knew they were on a period. Plus a lot of men don't understand the ins and outs and prefer not to think about it haha

YABU and tbh you sound like quite hard work. The man has a job and 4 children to contend with (along with yourself of course). I understand he has probably taken on a caring role during your illness but expecting him to guess from nowhere that you'd not realised to use sanitary protection is a step too far.

Sorry, but I think YABU, though I can see how stress/tiredness/embarassment might come into it.
We don't have a no flush rule, but if I found blood in the toilet bowl I'd just assume someone forgot to flush/didn't flush properly. It wouldn't occur to me to wonder if they weren't aware they were on their period - why would it?
And is it just me who would find it slightly weird/off putting to be woken in the night by DP telling me he'd noticed I was on my period 'cause I'd left blood in the bowl?

Weird that this man exchanges bodily fluids with you regularly and still freaks about blood in the loo. I think you both need to chill, esp as you've had such a tough time with your health.

He isn't the one who had freaked out though. He simply flushed the toilet and carried on with his day. The only one freaking out is the OP

Weird that this man exchanges bodily fluids with you regularly and still freaks about blood in the loo. I think you both need to chill, esp as you've had such a tough time with your health.

What thread are you reading...?

The DH didn't 'freak out'.

OP's DH saw blood, thought meh, moved on, userLotsofnumbers. OP freaked out.

You haven't RTFT have you user ?

I would be so pissed if my DH woke me up to tell me I had bled into the toilet in the middle of the night!

Although it wouldn't of happened as the no flushing rule is pretty grim!

Ok, thank you. I accept IABU.

Dixie is correct about the lying down/standing up. I wasn't flooded or soaking until I'd sat with my tea for 20 min.

And it's our en suite so not too much wee during the night - it's just a very loud flush. Dh flushed before he left because he had to!

Anyway thanks again for your opinions. I guess I just get easily embarrassed. Oh and my horrific cycle is being monitored.

You are being absolutely ridiculous. I think when your embarrassment dies down you'll realise this.

"I was bloody appalled!! I pointed out to him that I have never, never left blood in the toilet"

"I feel a bit humiliated"

OP, I promise I'm not just piling on here. But I have a genuine question that I'd love to hear the answer to.

Why are you so embarrassed at period blood? This is your husband, and you are not a teenager. Your husband sounds perfectly reasonable about it too. Is there something in your upbringing or past that has made you feel so strongly about this?

OP, why do you not flush the loo between certain hours?

I've never come across that before.

Surely it's unhygienic not to.

You do wash your hands though, don't you?

toe because it wakes others up. It's an ensuite and the flush is noisy.

Lots of people do this.

I don't think YABU OP.

Whenever I notice blood (that could be period blood) in the apartment, I fire up the "you might be on your period" klaxon, just in case my partner hasn't realised. I thought this was normal behaviour?

We don't flush in the night either, too noisy! Unless it's a poo but it never is.

YABU OP, blood is nothing to be embarrassed about! He is your husband, he's been inside you He's supported you through cancer. It's great he's so non plussed about the whole thing.

OP I can't imagine what you've gone through, you've now survived an AIBU bashing and accepted you were BU. Some of the comments have humour though. Hope things are turning a corner for you!

Do you wash your hands after going to the loo, during those hours?

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. I mean this kindly, just let it go, sounds like you've been through too much to let this be an issue.