Who was being unreasonable? (Grim content)

[MyFaveTattoo]

Ok, a few points for context. Since breast cancer and chemo, my periods are erratic and irregular. In my house, we have a rule, that between 23:00, and 06:30, unless poo (or obviously illness, vomit etc), no flushing. Also, I sleep walk, regularly and without warning.

It's school holidays here, so DH goes to work around 06:20, and I don't get up until 07:00-07-15 with the four DCs.

I got up, as usual at around 07:15, went for a pee, settled the littlies with breakfast, then sat down with a cuppa and my phone. About 20 or so minutes later, I went to the bathroom for a quick shower, only to discover that I was saturated through with blood. Through my undies, jammie bottoms and dressing gown. A bit had also got on the lounge!

Obviously, I cleaned myself and everything else up, but when DH got home from work, I told him about said saturation and he said "yeah, when I got up for work, the toilet was full of blood".

I was bloody appalled!! I pointed out to him that I have never, never left blood in the toilet, and that he should have let me know because it was so out of character for me that I must have weed in my sleep, but he said that because I must have got up during the night, he thought I just hadn't flushed.

We are pretty open, so surely he should have mentioned the blood in the loo, given that it was so out of character for me to leave it there? He says that because he thought I wouldn't flush during the night then it was reasonable for him to have assumed that I knew I was bleeding.

So who is in the right please?

This is a argument about nothing, he thought that you were sticking to your rule.

I think he dealt with the situation as a respectable partner. You seemed shocked that you were bleeding so he told you about the toilet.

I'm confused about how you got up and went for a wee before breakfast but didn't notice then that you were bleeding if you bled so heavily in the night and after breakfast.

I don't think you DP is at fault here at all. He sounds quite nice tbh. One of the many good qualities of my DP is that he doesn't think a woman menstruating is 'yucky' or wrong.

After my husband seeing my give birth twice i wouldnt care about him seeing some blood in the loo 😂 maybe he didnt want to wake you up? I wouldnt disagree about it, just ask him to let you know if it happens again

I'm totally confused about what your problem is.

I thought you were going to say he had woken you up to say "oi you grim as fuck bitch, you've bled all over the toilet and not flushed"

Which would have been highly U.

Instead he dealt with it respectfully flushing, and not making a deal out of it.

Yabu. You take responsibility for your own body surely?

My DH wouldn't wake me for that either and I wouldn't expect him to!

I think you are feeling humiliated and perhaps embarrassed?I know I've felt that way when I've forgotten to flush or dispose of a used tampon, not that there is any need to.
After what you have been through, your DH most likely doesn't want to make a fuss or draw attention to anything that may upset you or make you feel awkward about yourself. After all, all human bodies are basically bags of blood, bones and water etc. They all have to be kept clean, and cared for.

Just ask him to let you know if it happens again and/or change the flushing rule. Better to flush after using the loo, than your little ones going in and finding something like this (that may scare them, especially after they know mum's been ill).

He is right IMO.

But I think that you are uncomfortable about it because it's blood and periods. Children could have come across it. You would have preferred to know about it before putting some blood on the sofa.
All of which I can relate to because, even though periods ARE natural, I still feel 'unconfortable' at the idea that the dcs or anyone else would have notice the bleeding or at 'dirty' underwear/clothes.

I would be quite happy to see him taking anything like this in his stride and wo batting an eye lid TBH.

I'm really confused. Between the odd flushing rules as an added layer. Would you wake your DH to tell him he left a floating poo? Would it cause you concern? Or would you just flush it away as you see it and think no more?

Well, since you have this grim no-flushing rule why would he? The permitted exceptions to the rule are poo and illness. Period does not come into it. He is right.

Sorry op but I just don't see the problem. I also can't figure out how you couldn't feel it for 20mjns but that's by the by.

YABU. Forgetting about the sleepwalking incident, you went to the toilet in the morning when you were awake and still didn't notice you had your period. Yet you seem to be trying to blame your DH for you leaking afterwards.

YABU I'm afraid. How was he supposed to know that a) you were shattered when you went to the loo, b) hasn't turned the light on/glanced in the bowl when putting tissue down to notice the blood, c) hadn't intentionally left the blood in the toilet due to the 'rule', d) hadn't noticed any other signs of bleeding... etc etc etc.

He's presumably never had a period himself and doesn't necessarily know how normal or otherwise it is to bleed into the bowl.

I'm still a bit lost. The rule is not to flush until 6.30 but your DH left at 6.20, so presumably he didn't flush the toilet? So didn't you notice the blood when you went in for your first morning wee? And even if he had flushed, didn't you notice your knickers were saturated? Or when you wiped?

I think he probably assumed that you noticed when you went to the toilet but just forgot to flush. It's kind of hard to imagine that someone could bleed that heavily and not notice when they wiped. It would be different he found you fast asleep with blood all over the sheets. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. These things happen.

OP rather than getting the hump with your DH, you should be getting your erratic periods checked out (given your breast cancer history).
My DP had similar problems and got fobbed off by her GP "your 50, it's just the change". By the time it was picked up, it was stage 4 womb, bowel and lung !
Ask for a CA125 count.
Not intending to scare you, but would not want to see another woman go through what my DP went through.
Please give it some thought.

Yabu. Imagine if you knew and he woke you up. Bet you'd of been pissed about that too. Get a grip and move on. It's not worth thinking about for another second

He didn't know you didn't know. You can't change that. You've had a shock which would've been avoided if he'd told you but he obviously thought you knew and it wasn't a big deal to him.

If there is enough to go through your knickers and onto the floor then how the hell did you not notice you was wet?

This just doesn't fit right. You went for a wee, you must have wiped? Then you must have pulled your (wet and blood soaked) knickers up?

No blood on your hand from wiping if it was that heavy?

You must have known you was damp/wet down there I'm not seeing how the blood could be that bad but yet you didn't notice.

On the odd occasion I've forgotten to flush on my period my other half just flushes, occasionally he will tell me but it doesn't happen very often anyways.

Let it go! Everyone has told you that he was right...does that not clear things up for you?

Op have you spoken to your gp about the heavy bleeding? I think that it would be prudent to be checked out by a gynecologist?

As for your blood down loo issue your dh was nbu.

I agree with user1492958275

I have heavy periods and know when I'm flooding so find it odd you didn't notice if you were as saturated as you say. I'd forget the argument and get checked out if I were you

He is right.

Surely he would have realised that it's just your period, so no big deal.

He would have seen that you were keeping to the no flush rule, and he was going about his normal day and flushing after the banned time, going to work etc etc.

I'm a little confused as to exactly what you'd have hoped he would do but perhaps if he had sent you a text saying he had left you sleeping and hoped your period pains weren't too bad would have helped? He presumably knows your periods are erratic.

FWIW we tend not to flush during the night either and I will leave blood in the loo in my own home which then just gets flushed by whoever is up first in the morning (usually me as I am up early to deal with a heavy period).

I'm surprised you didn't notice when you went at 7.15 but then some people get to 7 months pregnant without realising / my periods are heavy and painful and there is no way it would arrive without me knowing but I also don't sleepwalk or have erratic periods.

I don't think you should be embarrassed though op. Bodies are just weird sometimes. I would hold onto the fact that your husband wasn't phased.

No flushing is a minging rule. The rest is a consequence of that.