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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be angry about this 'non' wedding?

282 replies

Shufflebumnessie · 13/07/2017 14:53

My sister announced last year that she was getting married and the wedding would take place in the US (where she's lived for 10 years). We declined the invite as it was too expensive, sister kicks up a fuss and my parents kindly offered to pay for our flights in order to keep the peace.
Fast forward to now & the wedding is taking place in a few weeks - flights/hotels/car hire/parking etc are all paid for and it's cost us a small fortune even without the flights. Once we arrive in the US we have an 8 hour drive from the airport to where they live as it's pretty remote, which will take us 2 days as we'll have DS (5) & DD (5 months) with us & need plenty of stops etc. We then have 5 nights in the area they live followed by a repeat of the 8 hour drive to get back to the airport.
After the initial reluctance we were actually looking forward to it, especially the wedding. A few days ago, whilst mooching on Facebook, I saw some photos that my sister had been tagged in....on her wedding day!!! It turns out that they decided to get married on a whim (although still managed to invite a few friends and the grooms parents - who live a couple of hours drive from them). They've now decided the 'event' in August is a casual family get-together!!! Originally we were told there was a pre- wedding dinner, now that's become take -out pizza in the back yard and the actual 'wedding' (apparently there will still be a ceremony of some sort) is taking place in the back yard and everyone is expected to contribute some sort of food. When questioned about all this she just pretty much shrugged it off and said it will be a good opportunity for the family to get together - the only other family going are my parents and we see them all the time!! We also see my sister on a semi-regular basis as she comes to the UK for business a few times a year.

So now we're travelling thousands of miles with a young baby to attend a 'non' wedding, which is costing us a lot of money, is a logistical nightmare and now we have to take our own bloody food!! Am I justified in being absolutely fuming? I really wish we'd just declined my parents offer to pay and stuck with original plan of not going. We looked into cancelling but would have lost way too much money. Sorry for the long post I just needed to rant!

OP posts:
ParadiseCity · 13/07/2017 20:31

What's the person like that your sister is marrying? I wonder if they have pressured her into this?

PlymouthMaid1 · 13/07/2017 20:34

That is a terrible tale and goodness knows what she was thinking.

Original poster
Shufflebumnessie · 13/07/2017 20:39

BlahBlah, your response just made me howl with laughter. I hadn't thought about it from that PoV!!!!

I think Sister & her husband are very similar in personality so I can't imagine it was a case of one of them pressuring the other - they are both 'need to be the centre of attention' type people.

OP posts:
SugarMiceInTheRain · 13/07/2017 20:39

Your sis has behaved awfully. If I were you, I would formulate a plan with your parents to holiday nearer the airport you are flying into and just miss out the pizza/ potluck supper altogether. No reason why your sister's shoddy treatment of her family should be rewarded.

SugarMiceInTheRain · 13/07/2017 20:39

Your sis has behaved awfully. If I were you, I would formulate a plan with your parents to holiday nearer the airport you are flying into and just miss out the pizza/ potluck supper altogether. No reason why your sister's shoddy treatment of her family should be rewarded.

Smitff · 13/07/2017 20:40

I think this could be a bit of a crossroads for you and your sister. If you want to maintain some sort of relationship with her (even though it seems she doesn't really want one with you or your children), I'd go.

If you're not bothered, I'd actually make a point of cancelling and letting her know that your parents and you are losing money by doing so. I'd tell her the reason you're cancelling is that you won't stand for being treated in such a high-handed manner, and won't put your DH or DDs through the inconvenience of traveling all the way there for her to treat you like this.

At no point in any of the planning of the actual wedding or the honeymoon was she actually thinking of you or your parents. Of if she did, she'd have thought "meh, no biggie". That's quite telling.

Fl0ellafunbags · 13/07/2017 20:44

Bollocks to that. I wouldn't go. You and your parents will be feeling hurt (justifiably), she'll be defensive and the atmosphere will be terrible.

TheBusThatCouldntSlowDown · 13/07/2017 20:46

I second previous posters; you (and your parents?) Should just have a familt holiday near the American airport, screw your sister. Can't believe she's going on honeymoon when you're flying over there to see her! That's the rudest thing I've ever heard.

yikesanotherbooboo · 13/07/2017 20:48

If it were my sister I would eventually get over it but my DH wouldn't and that would mean that we would hardly ever , if ever, see her again..
I would be dreadfully hurt and disappointed in this situation and would be so, so furious on behalf of your parents.
It is unbelievably selfish , I'm sorry

Slimthistime · 13/07/2017 20:51

Oh OP what a nightmare!

The US is such a lovely place - well apart from the massive Dump problem obvs - so if you cant recoup anything, there will be something worth doing.

That said, I must admit, if the cost you'd rack up after arrival are high, I'd also consider ditching it rather than trying to make a holiday that you don't want. If accommodation etc isn't paid - food presumably not paid yet - then I guess it might just be wiry taking that hit but your parents paid for the flights didn't they......

I would be so raging at your sister, I'd say "what was she thinking" but clearly she only thought of herself. You say can she can be a diva but this way beyond that.

Summerswallow · 13/07/2017 20:51

There's not even any reason for her to wait to go on honeymoon til this 'family party' as if it were really just a family party and not a wedding, which she claims, then she'd be around for the whole week entertaining her family. Not buggering off on holiday, which she could do right now, what with having just got married and all.

Ugh, I think I'd call her on the phone and explain how you feel. This is all pretty shit. I think the going away immediately after you all turn up is the killer. Everything else you can kind of see, her wanting you to go to her house, see her life, be part of things, but actually, she can't want all that if she's not even going to be there.

Moreisnnogedag · 13/07/2017 20:54

No that is just appalling behaviour on her part. She got married found enough time to post it on social media but didn't think to call you or her parents?? No I wouldn't be driving to hers, I'd find a lovely place to stop and stay. If she even hinted at being put out I'd lose my temper. Call the other places you've spent cash on and see if they'll do discretionary refunds.

Flisspaps · 13/07/2017 20:57

She was going to email your mum to say she'd already got married? That's really shitty, and I'm the Queen of not telling my mother anything in person!

BossaDad · 13/07/2017 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Inertia · 13/07/2017 21:04

Bloody hell- it's as though she's on some sort of mission to make the whole shebang as pointless and inconvenient for you as possible. Insisting that everyone comes over for a wedding is one thing, but to then bring the wedding forward and cancel existing plans to spend the week together is breathtakingly selfish. Having a strop about family being unable to attend your wedding, and then having the wedding before they get there when they've spent thousands and moved heaven and earth to meet your demands, is jawdropping.

Is there any way of using the value of the flights to rebook another holiday where you and your parents actually want to go? (maybe the honetymoon destination ,t o surprise them...)

RandomMess · 13/07/2017 21:10

I would either cancel or see if the flights can be changed to something short haul.

It just sucks!

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 13/07/2017 21:14

YADNBU!

I wouldn't be able to face her. I'd be far too angry and no nice times would be had or no nice family get togethers.

If you cannot salvage any of the costs, I'd look at staying elsewhere and having a holiday. No way would I take part in this farce. Your sister has been breathtakingly selfish.

KarmaNoMore · 13/07/2017 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 13/07/2017 21:20

I'd send them an invoice for the cost of flights.

annandale · 13/07/2017 21:21

I was overall on your sister's side, mainly because at a non-wedding there'd actually be a chance to spend time together, and then your update about them heading off one day after you get there following hours and hours of travelling with children...

Nope. Either you and your parents have a fab holiday in the US near the hub airport, with an open invitation to your sister to join you if she can be arsed, or you cancel. She has lost any sense of family and that's sad but you are not an accessory to be wheeled out to impress the neighbours.

I can't believe her husband and his family think this is OK.

LoveCakesandWine · 13/07/2017 21:24

YANBU. Your DS & DBIL have been entirely thoughtless of yourselves and your parents to have you all come all that way for a non-wedding where they then leave the next day!

Crispbutty · 13/07/2017 21:29

Where are you flying in to? I would plan a holiday around that area.

I'm surprised internal flights are expensive though as generally in the USA they are dirt cheap.

userlotsanumbers · 13/07/2017 21:35

YANBU

Dafuq is that all about? Definitely do the holiday near the airport - she can drop in on her way to the honeymoon.

DoomGloomAndKaboom · 13/07/2017 21:46

I honestly wouldn't go.

Really, I wouldn't want to entertain that. I would scrape back what I - and the parents - could on the cancellations and write it off as having learnt what a dreadfully selfish sister I had, and concentrate on relationships with people who are kind.

You can't choose your family. But you can choose not to dance to their tune.

I think that now it will be an awful holiday and if you can get a few quid back and go camping or to Butlins instead, do it.

AboutAGallonofDietCoke · 13/07/2017 21:47

In the words of nana....what a fucking liberty

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