www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.ft.com/content/b46d003e-67a9-11e7-8526-7b38dcaef614
Donald Trump, Russia and a mob of comedy Corleones
They are interrupted by an aide carrying a package. Opening it, the US president sees three-star epaulettes and a haddock.
Trump: What does it mean?
Jared Kushner: It’s a Sicilian message. It means General Flynn sleeps with the fishes.
Trump: Who are the Fishes? Are they Jewish girls? Are they twins? Did I ever sleep with them? Was it at the Miss Universe? Now Flynn’s with them?
Ivanka: No, Pop, it means he’s politically dead.
Trump: Why couldn’t they just say that? They had to send me a fish? Why couldn’t they just send me a tweet? I can’t believe the fuss over this Russia thing. I talked to Putin about this last week. He was amazed. He said it was like a witch-hunt.
Steve Bannon: We should go after them all. Wipe ’em out . . .
Trump: I called in FBI director Comey and said I needed his loyalty. I made him an offer he couldn’t refuse. I don’t know what happened.
Kushner: He refused.
Trump: I said to him. “One day, and this day may never come, I will ask a service of you. It might be to go to Mexico and build a wall. Or maybe it won’t. Or it could be to look the other way over General Flynn. Maybe it will never happen. But it could happen. It probably will, I don’t know. But until that day accept your job as a gift from me on my daughter’s wedding.”
Ivanka: I’ve been married for seven years already, Pop.
Trump: Look at her, she’s so hot. I mean smart. Did you see her stand in for me at the G20? First woman president, I’m telling you. But now we have Robert Mueller on our case with this whole investigation.
Bannon: We could make him an offer he can’t refuse.
Trump: Oh yeah? Like a suite at the Trump DC or a cabana at Mar-a-Lago?
Bannon: Not that kind of offer.
Trump: No one would turn down a cabana at Mar-a-Lago. It has the best beds in the world, best in the world.
Kushner: I think it’s best not to make former FBI director Mueller any offer.
Trump: Now this thing with Don Jr.
Kushner: Junior’s got a good heart, but he’s weak and he’s stupid and this is life and death.
Trump: Get him in here.
Don Jr: Did you see me on Fox, Pop?
Trump: You met with the Russians and you sent emails about it. You’re so stupid. Why can’t you be like Jared. He’d never make this mistake.
Don Jr: Jared was there too.
Trump: It was your idea. I know it was you, Junior. You broke my heart.
Don Jr: I was trying to help. I’m smart, not like everybody says. I’m smart and I want respect. It’s what you taught me, keep your friends close but the Russians closer still.
Trump: You’re a high quality person but never take sides outside the family
Don Jr: I didn’t. I took your side.
Trump: OK. Then never takes sides with the family again. Now get out, take the fish . . . leave the cannoli.
Turns to Bannon. Nothing happens to him while his mother’s alive.
Ivanka: Pop!
Trump: OK, nothing happens to him. Probably. It could happen, but it probably won’t. Now what else?
Ivanka: The Qataris want your help with the Saudis. They say they’re ready to reconsider the money for Jared’s Fifth Avenue property.
Trump: If only they had come to us with respect — and the half billion — then the Saudis would be suffering this very day. I’ll see what I can do.
Now I want a world peace summit with all my enemies. Kim Jong Un, Hassan Rouhani, Xi Jinping, Rand Paul, John McCain. Get them all here. Make sure they stay in my hotel.
Bannon: Then we go to the mats?
Trump: Not till they’ve paid their bills.
Kushner: What about the Russia thing.
Trump: We need to end this. What we need is leverage, something we can hold over Mueller, Comey, McCain, all those guys. (Yelling) Junior!
Don Jr: Yes, Pop.
Trump: Call your guy, see if Putin knows anything we could use.