Is it ok to say shut up to your child?

[tigercub50]

I really don't like the words " shut up" & think it's a bit disrespectful. I will always try to say something else to DD8. We are struggling with some of her behaviour at the moment & realise that we have to change our reactions & how we speak to her. Both DH & I are trying really hard to stay calm & acknowledge her feelings whilst letting her know that how she's behaving is unacceptable. However, when it escalates ( like it did this morning before the school run), DH will tell her to shut up. He gets further annoyed by the fact that DD has picked up on this & will say something like " Mummy says you shouldn't tell people to shut up". DH defends it to me by saying it's a common phrase where he comes from. Any thoughts?

I say it. Usually when I'm either really frustrated and sick of hearing whinging, or in a proper teenage "shuuuuuuut uuuuuuuuuuuuup" way if DS is just simply not stopping talking. Or says "mum" more than 20times in the space of a minute without actually saying what he wants!

I don't like it.

We have a jokey "sh'rup you" that is said good naturedly in my family.

If shut up is the worst thing that upset you as children and find it terribly rude are so lucky. I find all this pearl clutching ridiculous.

My mum routinely called me a bitch from the age of ten. As well as being scared she'd kill me while I was sleeping from that age until I left home. Most people on this thread are incredibly naive. It actually makes me frustrated that so many of you have no actual idea what the world is like.

So, just because there are worse things, that means other things are fine? What nonsense.

And I'm sorry for what you went through, that was obviously terrible. But just because there are diabolical parents out there doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to do our best, and clearly for a lot of people on this thread, that means talking to your children with respect, as you yourself would like to be spoken to.

Then you are modelling using aggression to get your child to behave. There are plenty of other ways.

I use it. Its been a phrase used quite a lot in my life. My lovely mum said it to me as a child and still does! Silent treatment or "I'm really disappointed" would devastate me but a "shut up a min" was water off a duck's back. I think people are envisaging a shut up screamed in a childs face, when it can be used in so many ways that aren't at all abusive or degrading.

Each to their own. I wouldn't say it to mine. Probably why they have grown up to be well-mannered and respectful.

I prefer "UGHHH DS WOULD YOU STOP MAKING THAT HORRIBLE NOISE!!!!"

I've said it. It's not one of my finer parenting moments but there you go.

Smug much Wishful. Judge much either?

When trying to concentrate whilst manoeuvreing the car in fast, heavy traffic with kids making chicken noises so loud I couldn't think... I ran through polite terms as quickly as I could. This hadzero effect and 'Shut up!' was effective.
Then when the traffic calm... said sorry for yelling Shut Up followed by "don't distract the driver lecture". I think that is fair use of "Shut up!".

Shut up is a last resort for me on occasions when repeated attempts at politely reducing volume have zero effect and quiet is needed urgently.

It's just rude. Why teach your children rude ways to ask people to be quiet?

We usually have "For the love of all things holy, will you just pack it in". I'm usually holding on to my sanity by a very thin thread by that point.

I would never tell anyone to shut up. It's a horrible phrase.

I wouldn't tell anyone to shut up.

It is not OK.

It's not a choice of keep repeating 'please be quiet darling' or tell them to shut up though. You could impose a consequence if your child is just ignoring you and repeatedly asking for something for eg. A natural one like telling them you're going to leave the room is an option. You don't HAVE to tell your kids to shut up. And the few parents I know that speak to their children in that way have kids that are pretty rude. It's not coincidence.

Not ok but I once heard a woman say to her tiny daughter 'Shut. Your. Mouth.' very aggressively. The child looked crushed and I'm not surprised. That's far worse than 'shut up'. 'Be quiet' is ok though.

Because I'd rather teach my child to walk away if someone is bothering them rather than tell them to shut up?
I wouldn't necessarily use a natural consequence. If they were plain ignoring me I'd enforce whatever consequence I thought would be effective. But I don't speak to my child in a disrespectful way ever. If you're happy for your child to go around telling people to shut up then that's your choice. but I think it's really bad mannered and would prefer my kids not to think it's an ok thing to say.

I can only speak for my children but I guarantee my walking out of a room as an act of discipline would be more upsetting. To me it's no stronger than a stop it, leave that alone or come away from that. Context, frequency of use and tone is everything and impossible to convey on this thread. Maybe we're just uncouth Northerners.

It's not allowed in our house. Nor do we generally shush people. My exH constantly silenced my dd and I so I believe we should have a voice provided it's used appropriately. Shout up is vvvv rude

Yes it is. My mum could tell us to be quiet and it was scarier than her shut up.

Shut up is used in my home. It isn't a bad saying. It's said half arsedly. My son accepts it the same as I did.

I don't understand the problem with it. You can say other things and sound worse. It's how you say it not the words